He tossed her down on it, leaving her free to gasp for air as he stripped and then crawled up her body, tugging off her clothes as he went. His emotions were a chaotic mix of things he couldn't get a grasp on, though lust and passion were high on the list. When he'd condomed up and was poised between her legs, she tipped her head back, her eyes closing in anticipation of what was to come.
"Kylie," he said softly. "Look at me."
Her head came up and her eyes opened slowly. They were glazed with passion and he had to use all of his self-control not to dive into her right then. "Can you feel what you to do me?" He pressed into her lightly.
She sucked in a sharp breath and nodded as her nails dug into his shoulders. "Yes."
"I'll never get tired of this." He pushed in another inch and bent to kiss her. "I'll never get tired of how you make me feel." He rolled his hips and slid all the way home.
With a low moan, she wrapped her arms around his neck and tightened her legs on him. As he began to move, her hips rushed to meet his every thrust and when she came, she took him right over the edge with her.
They were still gasping for air when his phone-from his pants somewhere on the floor-alerted him to an incoming text. He dropped his forehead to hers and concentrated on the only thing he could-breathing.
"Maybe it's nothing," she said, her hands in his hair, her body still quivering beneath his.
"Maybe." But they both knew it wasn't. He took the time to give her a soft kiss and then another. And another . . .
She pulled free with clear regret. "You have to go," she said.
His laugh was short. "Story of our relationship." He was halfway out the door when he heard her ask the room a question.
"So we have a relationship now?"
He glanced back, really hoping that was a rhetorical question. But she was looking to him for an answer.
At whatever she saw on his face, a rough laugh escaped her. "Okay, so maybe not," she murmured.
Every woman he'd ever known including his own sister fought like this, with battles he never saw coming. And he'd never received a copy of the rule book. He wanted to keep walking out the door. He wanted that a whole lot more than he wanted to have this conversation, but this was Kylie. He couldn't just walk away from her. Wouldn't. He blew out a breath. "Kylie-"
"No, wait," she said. "Me first. I know I let you think I was okay with this, with just this physical thing between us. And I was. I really was."
His heart kicked hard. "But . . . ?"
"But now . . ." She let out a long breath and shook her head. "Suddenly, I'm not." She met his gaze, her own steely but also hurt. "I'm worth more, Joe. I'm realizing I want to be with a man who's capable of giving me that more. Maybe even capable of giving me everything."
He stilled. "Are you dumping me, Kylie?"
"I guess I'm asking if you're ever going to want to be that man."
Hell. If she wasn't dumping him, she would be soon, because he was going to be honest, the only way he knew how to be. "Being with you on the job, or as friends, or in bed . . . it all works for me, Kylie. Every second of it. But if you're asking me what we have or need me to promise more right now, I can't."
"I get that," she said. "I can't make you want to be with me just because I discovered that's what I want."
His heart pinched. He wanted to put words to the feelings bouncing around in his chest, making him miserable, but if he did, she'd realize just how emotionally challenged he really was. He wasn't talking mild-to-moderately emotionally challenged either. He was talking severely emotionally challenged here.
But he'd discovered things too. Such as when he was with her, he felt . . . alive. And when he wasn't with her, all he thought about was being with her, about the things he wanted to do with her. And to her . . .
He was a solitary man by nature who as a rule didn't do serious relationships. They were messy and required things he couldn't give. But thinking about Kylie and how comfortably she fit into his life didn't make him feel threatened at all. It actually made him feel . . . mellow. At peace.
In truth, she felt like the best thing to have happened to him in a long time-which didn't mean he'd relax his stance. He couldn't. And knowing that, he fought to control his emotions.
It was shockingly hard, which was proof that she could turn him upside down without even trying. And that simply couldn't happen. "I want to be with you too," he said. "And yeah," he added when she looked at him in surprise, "I didn't see that coming either. But we both know why I can't. I honestly don't know if I even can open myself up for more, if I'm capable of it."
"Are you sure it's that?" she asked. "Because maybe you just don't want to be so emotionally invested that you're left vulnerable again."
Look at her calling him on all his bullshit. He was both proud and horrified that she knew him so well, that he'd let her know him so well. "It's not about me," he said. "It's about you. You're the one I'd be putting at risk and I won't do it."
She sat up on the bed. "You're talking like you're still Special Ops. But Joe, you're home now. You're no longer in that line of work."
"No, but what I do now can be even worse," he said, "because my guard's down. Something can still happen-"
"I'm not a helpless fourteen-year-old girl," she said quietly. "I'm not going to get drawn into something bad because of your lifestyle."
"You don't know that."
"Joe, you can't keep the people in your life safe from everything," she said.
"Maybe not, but I can sure as hell try."
She stared at him for a long minute and he knew a whole new level of terror when her eyes got suspiciously shiny, before she wrapped herself up in the sheet and went into her bathroom to shut the door.
The click of the lock sent a message loud and clear.
He told himself he was glad. It'd had to be done. He should be relieved that she finally fully understood him and where he was coming from.
But relief was just about the opposite of how he felt as he headed into whatever tonight's work emergency was.
Chapter 26
ElementaryMyDearWatson
Half an hour later Joe found himself hanging off a roof with his team, posing as window washers fifteen flights off the ground.
Apparently window washing at night was a real thing. They'd needed the cover because they were in stealth surveillance mode for a criminal investigation involving a million-dollar embezzlement suit. And as was the case about 90 percent of the time on a stakeout, things were annoyingly quiet.
So quiet that he was thinking too hard about, what else . . . Kylie. He just kept seeing the look on her face when he'd spelled out how he wasn't going there with her. And where was all the work action to take his mind off the things he'd said? Because right about now he'd have preferred being flung twenty-five feet in the air through drywall again over thinking this hard. When his phone vibrated with an incoming text, he jumped on the distraction.
Dad: I'm going to watch another episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.
Joe: It's the middle of the night. And wtf, you keep watching without me.
Dad: Do you want to watch Buffy The Vampire Slayer or not?
Joe: Well yeah, but wait for me. I'm still working.
Dad: Buffy The Vampire Slayer doesn't wait for nobody.
Joe: Say Buffy The Vampire Slayer one more time.
Dad: Buffy The Vampire Slayer one more time.
Joe gave up and slid his phone away. A gust of wind came along and knocked their platform into the side of the building.
Lucas closed his eyes and moaned like he was dying. Heights didn't bother Joe any but they drove Superman insane. Joe had once seen him jump into a raging river to catch a bad guy without blinking an eye, so he was amused. The guy was so invincible it was fun to see any weakness from him.
"Hey, Lucas," Reyes said, also amused. "Look."
Lucas opened his eyes and Reyes jumped up and down a few times. The platform swayed.
And Lucas gripped the railing with white knuckles and swore the air blue.
"You kiss your mama with that mouth?" Max asked.
"Shut it," Archer said.
And everyone shut it.
But Lucas remained green.
"Hey," Max stage-whispered to Joe. "Heard you're with the woodworker chick."
Reyes snorted and when everyone looked at him he shrugged. "He said ‘woodworker.'"
Joe rolled his eyes. "How old are you, twelve?"
"What?" he asked innocently. "She works on wood. That's all I meant. You're the one who took it there, man. She working on your wood, Joe?"
"Reyes is about to go flying without a parachute," Joe said to Archer. "You good with that?"
"Yes," Archer said.
"Hey," Reyes said but backed very carefully out of Joe's reach, putting his hands up in surrender. "Just saying. You two are looking pretty cozy."