My thirtieth birthday.
At least I didn’t come here alone this time. I brought Missy with me backstage, and Adam was planning on supporting me by hanging out with the cameramen, so I could see him while Bethany grilled me.
They had requested I dress in a wedding gown and veil, even though they knew full well I wasn’t getting married anytime soon. Adam and I hadn’t talked about marriage since we’d reunited on Halloween.
We’ve been living together officially since December and unofficially since November 1st. His cats had been living with me and Spock since the middle of November. Luckily they all got along.
Instead of a wedding dress, I wore an off-white pantsuit and my hair in a fancy updo. Adam said I looked hot, but I still only felt comfortable in black. That’s why Adam suggested, and I agreed, to wear a black bra and panties underneath.
Missy sat with me in the Green Room while I waited for someone to come get me. She leaned back in a chair, her hands resting on her pregnant belly, laughing every time the baby kicked her. She was the happiest I had ever seen her, although her life was turned upside-down. Nothing mattered to her more than the health of her baby.
“How you feeling over there?”
I realized I had been shredding a napkin out of nervousness. It was times like these I missed sugar, wheat, alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes. I had to do something with my hands. Adam preferred I use my hands on him these days, but as I pointed out, it wouldn’t always be appropriate. Instead, I shredded napkins and peeled labels off Diet Coke bottles.
Thank goodness today was the final day of my contract. I would no longer have to report in on my marital status.
“Five minute warning, Ms. Friedman,” an intern said.
“Well that’s my cue,” I said to Missy.
“You’ll be great. And if not, who cares?” She laughed.
Easy for her to say.
I followed the intern out into the hallway and to the soundstage. “Wait here,” she demanded before running off.
Another woman greeted me with a mike on her ear. “They’re almost ready for you. They’re going to play the Wedding March and have you walk onto the set. Then you’ll sit down for your one-on-one with Bethany. Any questions? No? Good.” She didn’t even slow down to give me a chance to ask one.
This wasn’t my first interview with Bethany Williams, but I hoped it would be my last. Before, I had waited in a chair on the set and Bethany came to me. I just kept one thought in my head as I waited for my cue.
Adam.
Suddenly there were lights shining on me and voices shouting out stage directions, and I panicked. I couldn’t see beyond the lights and I didn’t know how to find my way onto the set.
“Just breathe, Sara. Hee Hee Hoo.”
I tried to tell Missy a dozen times Lamaze wasn’t appropriate in this type of situation, but she refused to listen. It’s not easy arguing with a pregnant woman.
The Wedding March blared through the speakers, and I walked onto the set carrying a bouquet of fresh flowers. On impulse, I handed them to Bethany. “These are for you.”
“Thank you. Have a seat. Here we are one year after you vowed to marry by the time you turned thirty. Let’s show the audience your speech from your brother’s wedding once again.”
I hadn’t watched it since last February. I thought I’d be horrified, but I actually felt relieved. It didn’t seem as bad as I had remembered.
“Tell our audience, did you succeed in your mission?”
“I am not married. But I did find my soul mate,” I revealed, trying to find Adam in the studio. I didn’t see him anywhere.
“You had a chance to get married this year, but you turned him down?” she asked gently. She and I had discussed my intention to spare Caleb’s feelings.
“I dated a wonderful man, but in the end, I decided we weren’t compatible. I could have gotten married, but it wouldn’t have been to my soul mate and that wasn’t enough for either one of us.”
I started to worry about Adam. What if he’d changed his mind about his feelings for me and decided to go back to Michigan? What if I declared him as my soul mate on TV only to have him run away?
I chastised myself for reverting to my old ways of thinking and behaving. I trusted Adam, and I knew now he’d never intentionally hurt me.
“You did find your soul mate. Tell us how you met him.”
“I’ve known Adam since we were children. He’s my brother’s best friend.”
“Yet you didn’t fall in love until recently. Why do you think that is?”
“We both had issues we needed to resolve before we could admit we belonged together.”
Neither Adam nor I wanted to reveal we had fallen in love in Israel while I was technically still committed to Caleb. The only people who knew other than us had agreed not to say a word. Besides, we believe we fell in love a long time ago, only both of us were too scared to admit it. It didn’t matter when it had happened. It only mattered that it did.