Missy worked as a program director at a retirement home for the very advanced aged. Over ninety years old, most of her residents still managed to care for themselves with minimal assistance. She loved each and every one of her residents, treating them with respect and dignity. In return, over one hundred devoted grandparents treated Missy as part of their family.
I didn’t know how she could stand it forty-plus hours a week. I couldn’t even stand ten minutes in that place. All the old people remind me of death and dying. She said they reminded her about triumph over adversity. She’s such an optimist.
On the other hand, I worked with teenagers. My psychology practice consisted mostly of teenage girls with self-esteem issues. Missy often liked to point out the reason I chose to work with that population is because I need to work on my own issues with self-esteem, as in “Physician, Heal Thyself.” Sadly, she’s probably right, but I believe because I have those issues, it’s easier for me to relate to my clients. Either way, I have enough confidence to acknowledge I’m a terrific therapist.
We spent two hours getting ready, between choosing my outfits and creating my “natural look.” Missy pulled her digital camera out of her bag.
She reminded me of Mary Poppins. Anything we needed could be found in that bag.
Missy took almost fifty pictures of me in three different outfits, some casual and others more posed. Out of those pictures, we chose two headshots and two pictures of my full body for my profile on JDate.
We spent the rest of the day creating my profile. Like an essay exam, I answered open-ended questions. You would think it would be easy, but I honestly drew a blank when I read the questions. All of a sudden, I was back in college with fifteen minutes left of my exam and no way to finish the last two questions before time was up. At least now, I had Missy to assist me with the answers. By the time I finished an entire box of Lucky Charms and our pizza arrived for dinner, I completed my profile.
“Now you just have to find five men to email and you can call it quits for the night.” Missy chomped on her slice of pepperoni pizza.
“How hard could that be?”
As it turns out, it wasn’t as easy as I anticipated. I weeded out all the guys who were interested only in dating thin girls and focused on those who preferred average, athletic, and voluptuous.
I classified myself as average, even though the average woman in America weighs approximately one hundred and forty pounds at five feet four inches tall. The average weight of the women I know is generally about twenty to thirty pounds more than that. Even though I argued I fell into the voluptuous category, Missy countered that anyone with two eyes could see my figure from the pictures and I shouldn’t limit my possibilities.
After I eliminated the men based on their desired body-type, I weeded out any man under twenty-five and over forty. With over three hundred profiles to choose from, I still couldn’t decide who to contact. I found something wrong with every profile.
Tired of my excuses, Missy picked the five for me. I wrote them each the same basic email, detailing something specific about them that attracted me to their profile. She even made me use the word attracted, explaining men would read the word and think about sex, which they would now associate with my profile. Apparently, that’s a good thing, although I have to wonder how she can consider herself to be an expert on men when she’s a lesbian.
At eight o’clock, Missy left me alone with half of a pizza and my computer. I checked my email every half hour until bedtime to check my inbox for communications from JDate. Just about the time I gave up, my cell phone alerted me to an email message.
I snatched the phone from the charger on my nightstand and touched the envelope icon to read my email.
A message titled “Welcome to JDate” had been sent from AMG300. I couldn’t bring up his profile on my phone. Instead, I moved my tired butt to my computer.
As I waited for the website to load, I chewed on my acrylic nails, convinced it was probably a standard message that came from the management of JDate. Logging on, I discovered it came from another JDate participant. I clicked on the link and it took me to the profile of Adam Goldman.
Dear Lord, I didn’t think about people I actually knew discovering I used an online dating site to meet men. Of all people, why Goldman?
Reading over his profile, I noted he selected to date only average and athletic women, excluding voluptuous. Then again, he hadn’t chosen thin either. He said little about himself in the essay portion, revealing only that he practiced law, enjoyed music, and preferred heterosexual, single women between the ages of twenty-five and thirty-five.
I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to reply to his email. After ten minutes, I decided it was good enough to send.