Missy sat, processing everything. “Is that why you ended things? Because he doesn’t want to get married?”
I laughed. “I wish it were that simple. You know how in the Warren Beatty remake of An Affair to Remember they make plans to meet on top of the Empire State Building in six months after they’ve situated their lives?”
She nodded.
“Well, Adam and I agreed if we could make certain changes in our own lives, we would meet at Seth’s Halloween party,” I said wistfully.
“I didn’t know that,” Hannah stated.
I filled them in on what had happened at the airport, finishing with Adam saying goodbye.
My friends had gone completely silent. Missy tapped her fingers on the table.
“Maybe the girl was his sister,” Missy offered helpfully.
“He doesn’t have a sister, but nice try. You don’t have to solve it for me. If it were innocent, he would have called me back. No, he played me. Some things never change.”
Even as she said the words, a part of her clung to the hope it was all one big misunderstanding. She didn’t know for a fact he cheated on her. Maybe there was another explanation.
But why hadn’t he called once he learned she hadn’t gotten engaged? Surely, Seth told him.
Then again, they did agree to give each other three months.
“Are you going to Seth’s party?” Lori asked, interrupting my contemplation.
“Yes. I always go, and this year won’t be any different. I’ve done everything I promised. I’m not going to spend any time wondering if he’ll show or not. It doesn’t matter. He didn’t love me, or at least, he didn’t love me enough.”
All of them sighed, as if thinking about the idea of a happy ever after.
I’d never be so gullible again.
CHAPTER 34
OCTOBER 19, 2012
DETROIT, MICHIGAN
STATUS: SINGLE
Missy and I slowly rediscovered our friendship over the following weeks. I never would have believed we’d feel awkward with each other, but we did. In the six months we’d been apart, we had both undergone significant changes that had altered the way we viewed the world.
She started dating Hannah, and it seemed they were heading toward a serious relationship. Hannah brought out a playfulness in Missy she hadn’t seen in a long time. Sometimes they would join Alison, Lori, and I at the movies or dancing and other times, they chose to go on an official date by themselves.
I began to learn how to be friends with Missy without relying on her for all my decisions. At first I worried about discussing any of my problems with Missy for fear we’d resume our former dysfunctional relationship. Alison taught me that if I had a problem, I could talk about it with Missy without Missy having to solve the problem for me and Missy had learned how to just listen.
I also gave my second to last interview with the Morning show. I told Bethany I honestly didn’t expect to make my birthday deadline. Bethany kindly reminded me I had a free wedding if I did manage to snag someone by February 25. Viewers recommended wedding gowns and sites just in case I got lucky. Most of the time, I didn’t even think about the approaching deadline.
The time came for my ninety-day coin and I volunteered to tell my story at a meeting. I had twenty minutes to divulge to my new network of supportive friends what I was like before I became abstinent, what it’s like now, and how I got here. It sounded really easy until the day arrived and I broke out into hives along with one of my full-blown panic attacks.
Alison gave me a pep talk, but it wouldn’t calm the rising anxiety threatening to consume me. She told me my Higher Power would work through me to reach those that needed His guidance. I prayed for the strength to make it through my talk without saying anything stupid, like at my brother’s wedding.
It’s ironic that I have a fear of public speaking since I’d performed in several plays in my youth and rarely had stage fright. As a psychologist, I had to talk to strangers all the time.
The people in the room with me today weren’t strangers. They were my friends, and each one of them could relate to my story. They welcomed me with open arms into their community and to them I’ll forever be grateful. It was my time to give back.
“My first memory is of me standing on a chair in a hospital, staring out the window and eating an orange Creamsicle. I was two and my mother had had emergency surgery after almost dying when her appendix burst. In those days, patients stayed in the hospital to recover for several days. My grandmother helped to care for me and taught me cookies could temporarily dull the pain of my mother’s absence.
“I was a skinny kid and I didn’t eat a lot, so no one worried about giving me an extra sweet or two. When I got to grade school, my tummy grew bigger and my appetite larger. I ate like a grown adult, plus I constantly craved sweets. I also had ADHD and my parents limited my sugar, claiming it would help lessen my hyperactivity. Instead, I learned how to sneak and hide food.