“I plan on renewing my membership with JDate.” I did, but I wouldn’t agree to date anyone.
“What do you think you’ll do differently this time?”
“I’m taking time right now to focus more on myself. It’s been brought to my attention I have some issues I need to work on. I think I’ll have a hard time opening up to the possibility of meeting my soul mate until I’ve done some healing, but you never know.”
“Can I ask what issues you’re addressing?”
Man, I just walked into that question.
“I have a hard time making decisions for myself. I made some detrimental mistakes this year which led to me losing my best friend. It’s really important to me to become a better person, more deserving of her friendship. She may never forgive me, but I have to do it anyway. I can’t throw away twenty-five years of friendship away, and I hope she won’t either.” Shit, I started to cry.
“Please keep us apprised of your progress and good luck to you.”
“Thanks Bethany,” I sobbed. As soon as the satellite feed terminated, I rushed into Nate’s open arms.
“Shh, it’s all going to work out,” he whispered, rubbing my back in comforting circles.
I wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t see past this moment. I missed my best friend and I missed Adam. I was more determined than ever to do what I needed to heal. Hopefully, I’d get my happily ever after. Missy would forgive me, and Adam and I would find our way back to each other. If not, I had my new friends in my life.
“Now that you got this out of the way, you can focus on tonight,” Nate teased.
I sighed. “Tonight.”
“How was Israel?” Seth asked over his small plate of spaghetti.
“I, uh, had a great time. Israel was beautiful.”
When I didn’t add anything further, Emily followed up with a question of her own. “Did you meet anyone?”
“No. Why?”
“I don’t know. You broke up with Caleb right when you got home. Seth and I thought maybe you had met someone while on the singles trip.”
“Not cool, by the way,” Seth added.
“Seth!” my mother warned.
My hand subconsciously reached for the breadbasket. I caught myself before I gave into temptation. I had to get through this without using food. I briefly closed my eyes and silently asked my higher power for the strength to get through this family dinner without falling apart.
I used to love our family birthday dinners. It gave me the opportunity to eat a large quantity of food without having to pay for it. Our tradition was to eat at an Italian restaurant known for its many courses: soup, salad, pasta, and then the meal usually consisting of steak, potato, and green beans. I never ordered my own dessert, but I always made sure to sample everyone else’s. Even with all of that food, I would still leave the restaurant hungry. Now, I skipped the soup and pasta, and ordered both my salad and my meal dry.
Tonight, we were celebrating Seth’s birthday. That meant I couldn’t kill him. I’d have to hold my tongue around him.
“Listen, I’m sorry things didn’t work out between you and Caleb, and I understand whatever happened isn’t any of my business. Maybe it would be better if you didn’t date my friends anymore.” I knew deep down he was kidding. I tried to hold back the tears, but the dam burst anyway.
“Oh, jeez, I’m sorry, Sara. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I know whatever happened with Caleb wasn’t your fault.”
“I know. Don’t worry about it. What happened between Caleb and me had nothing to do with Israel.” I paused, reconsidering. “Actually, it had a lot to do with Israel, but it wasn’t because of someone else. I knew before I left for Israel it wasn’t going to work out between us. I just didn’t have the courage to break things off completely. I wish I hadn’t hurt him, but it would have been much worse if I stayed with him for all the wrong reasons.”
“What are you going to do now?” my father asked. It surprised me that my mom hadn’t filled him in on OA or what happened in Israel. Surprised, but grateful.
“Like I said in my interview this morning, I’m going to work on myself right now. I don’t really want to date anyone.”
“Another diet?” my brother asked.
“No. I’ve given up on dieting. I joined Overeaters Anonymous,” I announced, preparing myself for all the follow-up questions, but they never came.
“Good for you,” Emily said, smiling at me. She winked as she changed the subject to what she believed an appropriate topic.
“We heard Goldman went on the Israel trip. Got any blackmail info we can use on him?”