A Year to Remember(73)
In the end, I couldn’t stop myself from asking God for Adam. I wondered if He minded I wrote my wish in purple ink. I also wondered if Adam wished for me.
Alison kept her eyes trained on me as I folded my prayer and stuck it in one of the crevices of the sacred Wall.
“Just remember, God will answer you, Sara. It just might not be exactly what you hoped for or in the time frame you wanted,” Alison wisely counseled.
“That’s optimistic of you!” I said sarcastically. She obviously guessed my wish. “What did you wish for?”
“If I tell you, it won’t come true,” she laughed.
We marveled at the miraculous wonder of the Wall as our tour guide explained the Kotel surrounded the Second Temple on the top of Mount Moriah, now known as Temple Mount. Here not only did God create the world from the Foundation Stone at the peak of the mountain, but also created the first man, Adam. Chills ran up my body as I dared to believe God had just acknowledged His receipt of my prayer.
We returned to our bus and drove back to the hotel for dinner. After our three hour meal and service, Adam and I went to our room to collapse from another long day. We fell into bed fully clothed and turned to face one another.
I wanted to ask him if he placed a wish in the Kotel and if so, if he wished for me, but I decided to keep my musings to myself.
“You know what they say?” He twirled my hair around his finger.
“No, what do they say?” I asked as I experienced tingling in my body from his nearness.
“It’s a double mitzvah to make love on the Sabbath. It’s our duty to make love tonight,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around me.
“Well, we wouldn’t want to shirk our obligations, would we?”
We didn’t.
CHAPTER 28
JULY 4, 2012
ISRAEL
WEIGHT: ?
STATUS: IN LOVE!!!
Together, Adam and I climbed the heights of Masada in the dawn of the morning light, floated weightlessly in the warm salty water of the Dead Sea, and explored remains of ancient ruins.
All experiences I would treasure for the rest of my life. I would treasure our passion filled nights even more. The memories of making love with Adam would remain etched in my mind forever, as the apex of unattainable passion every man in my bed would be compared forevermore.
All too soon, Adam and I sat side by side on our return flight to New York. We hadn’t mentioned the finality of our relationship since our night in Jaffa. As our time grew shorter, my heart broke into a million shattered pieces. We didn’t speak much during those hours, choosing to communicate our feelings by touches and light kisses.
The captain announced our initial descent into New York, and I began to softly cry, careful to keep myself under control so as to not alert any onlookers of the intensity of my anguish. I couldn’t keep anything from Adam anymore. I realized he knew me more intimately than anyone ever had or possibly would.
“Come here,” he murmured, taking me into his arms.
“Do we really need to say goodbye?” Part of me hoped as we got closer to the final moments, Adam would change his mind.
“Could you stay with me knowing we’d never marry?”
I had asked myself the same question throughout the week dissecting every possible option. I could lie and say yes, but ultimately, I’d wait for him to change his mind, never content with less than marriage. I could argue if he really loved me, he’d marry me. But then he could argue if I really loved him, I’d accept being with him without the formal institution of marriage.
“No,” I sighed, wishing I could give him another answer.
“Did you ever see An Affair to Remember?”
“No, but I saw the remake with Warren Beatty,” I told him, wondering where the hell he was going with this line of questioning. “Why do you ask?”
“Remember how they agreed to meet on the top of the Empire State Building in six months if they each could end their relationships and get their lives in order?”
Hope started building in my chest. “I do. I mean, yes, I remember. What are you suggesting?”
“Maybe you and I could figure it out. I’ll go to therapy and try to see if I could get over my aversion to marriage and you ...”
“Yes?” What would I have to do?”
“You can see if marriage is worth throwing away the love of your life. And of course, dump Caleb.”
“You’re not saying this to get me to end my relationship with Caleb, are you?”
“No. You already know what I think about him. Regardless of what happens between us, he’ll never make you happy, and you deserve happiness, Sara.”
“What else do I need to do?” He was right; I couldn’t stay with Caleb. I didn’t know what to say to him when he picked me up from the airport in Detroit.