He pulled my body tight against him and my body responded. We kissed as though we would never kiss again, knowing soon the sand in the hourglass would run out for us. We gave in to our passions, each of us attempting to place our permanent mark on the other, so we’d never forget our short time together, when our bodies succinctly joined together.
For a couple of hours, we forgot about anything other than how our bodies felt at that moment. After curling up in each other’s arms, the feeling of despair returned as I remembered our time was limited.
“What happens now, Adam?” I whispered in the dark.
“I don’t know. We’ve got a few more days of our trip left. Let’s just pretend we don’t have a deadline and enjoy each other. Can we do that?”
I should have said no. I should have walked away then and there while the wound was still fresh, but I couldn’t. I wanted to be with him for as long as I could.
“Yes, Adam. We can do that.”
CHAPTER 27
JULY 4, 2012
ISRAEL
WEIGHT: ?
STATUS: IN LOVE!!!
As hard as I tried, I couldn’t keep the thought of losing Adam off my mind. Still, I refused to mention anything to him. I kept it bottled inside and put on a happy face for him. Sometimes, I could see a hint of sorrow cross his face, as if he, too, grieved the inevitable.
Each time we made love was as if it were our last. We’d begin slowly and gently, as if we had all the time in the world to show how we cared. In mere seconds, our passion for one another consumed us, as our lovemaking turned more frantic and desperate. We clung to each other as we drowned in a sea of emotion.
We spent almost every moment together, although we socialized with Alison, Hannah, and David. I spent those rare minutes of alone time bingeing on chocolate I had hidden in my purse and suitcase. Unfortunately, the Israeli heat melted the candy bars, but I didn’t care. I’d sneak into the bathroom, open the wrapper and lick it clean. I’d eat two or three until the panic and despair I felt over losing Adam grew quiet. A few minutes later, I’d flush the toilet and wash my hands and face, careful not to let Adam or anyone else see evidence of my shameful binge. I’d smile and pretend for a few hours I didn’t hurt inside. The binge allowed me to stifle my emotions long enough to fool Adam, my friends, and even myself. Inevitably, the feelings resurfaced and I didn’t have any mechanisms to deal with them, other than food.
I wanted to be happy. I knew deep in my soul Adam loved me, and I loved him. I believed we were soul mates, destined for one another. At the same time, I had never been sadder in my life. I had no one to confide in. I couldn’t talk to Adam. I didn’t have Missy. I didn’t feel comfortable talking about my feelings to Alison and Hannah. Yet I didn’t regret my decision to be with Adam for one second. I’d treasure every moment together for as long as I lived.
Although July 4th isn’t a holiday in Israel, our tour treated us to an Independence Day celebration. We spent the day in the Negev Desert. Most of the participants chose to take a jeep tour of the Ramon Crater, the largest erosion crater in the world. While Adam believed it sounded fascinating, we opted to stay at the hotel and go swimming. After returning to our room, we fell asleep, exhausted from our persistent lack of sleep over the last few days. Four hours later, we awoke just in time for our dinner celebration.
We knew nothing about our final destination as the tour guide loaded us on our bus. A short time later, we arrived in the middle of nowhere. Our tour guides handed us a very long rope and told us to hold onto it as they led us further into the darkness. I felt Adam’s hot breath at the back of my neck, and I giggled every time he accidentally slammed into me.
I couldn’t help but look up at the millions of twinkling stars. I surprisingly identified several constellations. I felt small and insignificant as I stared at the immeasurable manifestation of the universe and for a moment, I sensed God’s presence.
The leaders called out for us to stop. Suddenly, lights turned on and we stood in the middle of a Bedouin Settlement. My brief affirmation of God disappeared as my eyes adapted to the rapid illumination.
Our tour guides explained earlier that Bedouin were a native people to Israel and mainly lived as semi-nomads, living off the land. However, as citizens of the State of Israel, they opened their villages in the hope tourism would provide them with another means to make a living.
Music began to play and belly dancers danced around a just lit bonfire. Tables with food and wine beckoned us to sample the culinary delights of the native people. Similar to my disastrous dinner with Max, we ate our food using only bread and our fingers. Likewise, we sat on soft pillows, and I laughed at the irony of modernism in the middle of ancient tradition.