It had taken me a while before I became friends with the girls. They had a secret way of dealing with each other which made me feel like I’d never be part of their inner circle. Like I had as a child, I felt like I was on the outside looking in. Finally, I told them how I felt. I worried they’d be insulted or they’d admit they didn’t like me. Instead, they told me they hadn’t intended to make me feel like I didn’t belong. They just didn’t know if I’d be offended with their frank and explicit dialogues about sex. Once I told them they wouldn’t affront my delicate sensibilities, they started to include me in on their secret conversations.
All of them were practicing lesbians. Extremely practicing. They told me about things that I believed only occurred in porn videos.
Pink-haired Nina actually classified herself as bisexual, although the majority of her relationships were with women. She liked to participate in an occasional threesome.
Ashley had dabbled as a professional escort as a way to put herself through college. As soon as she earned her degree in accounting, she terminated her career as an escort and became an accountant, no longer having sex with men. With her porcelain skin and long auburn hair, she could have been a supermodel.
I never understood how she could have sex with someone she wasn’t attracted to, but she swore attraction had nothing to do with sex. I almost threw up once when an unattractive guy I didn’t know stuck his tongue in my mouth at a party.
Caitlin consistently dressed in plaid shirts and boots. She wore her hair short and wouldn’t be caught dead in makeup. She came out of the metaphorical closet at age thirteen. Her parents hugged her and told her they accepted her fully and wanted her to feel comfortable bringing a date home with her. So she did. Often. Her parents believed since she couldn’t get pregnant and the risk of sexually transmitted diseases was low, she could have sex as much as she wanted. In fact, they didn’t really consider what she did as sex because sex could only occur between a man and a woman. They not only accepted, but encouraged her behavior. By the time she had graduated high school, Caitlin had boasted she had slept with over thirty women between the ages of fourteen to twenty.
Now Nina, Ashley, and Caitlin sought true love, just like Missy and me. We banded together like those who would find themselves shipwrecked on a deserted island, depending on each other for support.
I needed these women now more than ever.
“I need your advice,” I began as I drank my coffee.
“Of course, sweetie. Is it about sex?” Nina asked hopefully.
“Yes, as a matter of fact, it is,” I admitted.
While Nina, Ashley, and Caitlin all seemed eager to hear about my sexual woes, Missy appeared as though she wanted to be anywhere but at Drag Queen Bingo. As soon as we figured out how I should deal with Caleb’s tame proclivities in the sack, I would find out what was going on with Missy.
“Tell us all about it,” Ashley said, offering me a bite of her cake.
“Caleb and I had sex for the first time last weekend.”
“How was it?” Caitlin asked.
“If it was any good, do you think she’d be asking us freaks for advice?” Missy spouted.
The others shrugged their shoulders.
I had to spit it out before I lost my nerve. “He won’t go down on me.”
They sat there with their mouths open in disbelief, while I tried not to bolt out of the room.
“You mean, like, ever?” Ashley inquired.
“No, he finds it unsavory.”
They all laughed. I didn’t get it.
“Well, does he compensate for his lazy tongue?” Ashley asked.
“No. He’s not very, I mean, um, he’s not very endowed.”
“Did he make sure he satisfied you at all?” Nina asked.
“No, he said an orgasm wasn’t the purpose of making love. It’s the intimacy two people share, the connection.”
“That’s true, but there’s no rule that says you can’t be intimate and enjoy yourself at the same time,” Missy added.
I felt on the verge of tears. Martha sat with us. “What did I miss?”
“Her boyfriend won’t go down on her,” Nina revealed to Martha.
I groaned from embarrassment. Soon everyone in the entire store would hear about my problems in the bedroom.
“Maybe that’s because he doesn’t know what he’s doing,” Martha offered.
“I don’t know. He seemed pretty convincing when he said it was because he doesn’t enjoy the smell or taste of, um, you know ...”
“Pussy,” said Martha.
“Vajayjay,” said Nina.
“Cunt,” said Ashley.
“Down there,” said Caitlin.