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CHAPTER 15
MAY 19, 2012
DETROIT, MICHIGAN
WEIGHT: 180
STATUS: INVOLVED
“I forgot. Which one did you go out with last night?” Missy stole one of my cucumbers from my salad.
“Caleb.” I batted her hand away from my plate. “Hands off!”
“You know, I have no interest in Caleb.”
I rolled my eyes at her, knowing full well she knew what I had been referring to. “Hands off my salad. If you want cucumbers, order your own salad.”
“Aren’t you a bit on the touchy side today.”
“I assumed dating two guys at once would be fun, but instead, I feel torn in two directions all the time.”
I had been dating both Caleb and Ryan since April. I liked both of them, and I refused to make a decision about which one to choose. I had asked Missy for her opinion, but she wouldn’t give it, declaring the decision to be solely my responsibility.
“Most people would love to have two guys fighting over them.”
“They’re not exactly fighting over me. I mean, they haven’t come to blows or anything.”
“No, they’re just wining and dining you, giving you gifts and trying to impress you.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing but...” Missy held back something and this time I wouldn’t let her get away with it.
“Nothing but, what?”
She took another one of my cucumbers and made a point of biting into it before continuing.
“I think you need to choose one of them soon. It doesn’t seem fair to play them against one another.”
“I don’t do that.”
“You do, too. I’d expect it from other women but not from you. It’s just not like you, Sara. I feel like you’re changing before my eyes,” she confided.
I touched her hand from across the table. “I promise not to change. Maybe I have gotten a little carried away.”
Even as the words fell from my mouth, I knew I was lying to my best friend. I didn’t believe I was getting carried away. I had been without a boyfriend for years. Before that, I could count on one hand the number of relationships I’ve had since high school. The way I saw it, I owed it to myself to have fun, to let the men in my life do their best to impress me, rather than the other way around. I had always been the one to chase after a guy, demeaning myself in the process. I’d lose my dignity while I ignored the signs they had lost interest in me and begged them to remain with me. I would never play the victim again.
All the same, I didn’t want to defend my actions to Missy because she’d never understand. She’d accuse me of treating Caleb and Ryan the same way I had been treated in the past. I didn’t want to hear that. I knew this was different.
I just couldn’t decide between the two of them.
“A little carried away? You’re dating two guys at once, and you’ve even managed to squeeze in a few dates with new guys. You’ve become obsessed.”
“You have no idea of how bad it is out there! I have had enough bad dates already this year to write a book on the subject. Did I tell you about the guy last week? The one I met through JDate? I knew he had been divorced since it said so in the profile, but the guy’s been divorced three times and he isn’t even forty yet! Or how about the one who reeked of cigarette smoke and just got out of rehab for a heroin addiction? Apparently, he’s seeking a wife to help him regain custody of his son. Or the one from the dating agency I spent two thousand dollars on? They promised me they had plenty of Jewish guys in their database, but clearly that wasn’t the case since they had to send the owner of the company on a date with me, all the while he’s telling me he’s in real estate. Like I didn’t Google him before our date? I’m going to have to sue them to get my money back. If it seems cruel to keep two honest, handsome, normal men on the hook for a while, you’ll have to forgive me. Because it doesn’t appear that there are any other good ones out there.”
I never raised my voice at Missy, but she had pushed me to my limit.
“Don’t you think if either Caleb or Ryan was the one, you’d know? You wouldn’t need to date anyone else or want to be with anyone else. You’d only want to be with him.”
“How would you know? I don’t see you in any long-term relationship,” I pointed out.
Missy’s face crumbled, but she kept her composure.
“Why can’t you decide between them?” It seemed like such a simple question, but unfortunately, it didn’t have a simple answer.