Chapter 6
The streets were deserted as I walked home. There was the hint of moisture in the air, and I knew that it would rain soon. I rehearsed the words over and over again in my head, trying to imagine her reaction. My natural inclination was to see her face drop and then her eyes harden as she told me in no uncertain terms that she didn't feel the same way, but I tried to shake off the sense of foreboding that had enveloped me. I ended up so wracked with nerves that I bought a bottle of vodka and swigged it on my way back, until I got a good buzz going.
I took a deep breath before I opened the door to the apartment, and to my horror I saw Bea and Aaron sitting on opposite ends of the couch, looking as though they were in the middle of something important. Aaron glared at me. Bea looked up, and I could see confusion in her eyes. I froze.
“Can you give us a minute?” Aaron said, his manly voice slicing through our apartment, our hearts, trying to sever us from each other. I started to turn, but then I stopped. I looked at Bea and I knew that my friend needed me. I couldn't leave her.
“What's going on?” I asked.
“It's not your business,” Aaron said curtly.
“He wants to give it another shot,” she said. I felt like I was going to be sick. I looked at both of them, and before I did anything else I dropped the bottle of vodka, not caring that it shattered and spilled on the floor. I stormed up, grabbed Bea's hand, and dragged her to my room. Aaron protested but I locked the door before he could do anything. I waited for the hammering to subside before I turned to Bea, and sat beside her.
“He said he's sorry and wants to give it another go, that we had something good and it's too good to through away,” she said. I clenched my jaw and tried to put my own feelings aside and put her first, because I loved her and wanted to make her happy.
“And what do you want?”
“I...I don't know,” she said, and there I saw her again, the vulnerable girl, the one that I only had seen, the one that explained everything. I wrapped her up in my arms and squeezed her tightly. As I held her I felt her strength becoming my own. I felt myself growing inside, a new confidence and courage surging through me.
“I'm going to tell him to leave,” I said, and promptly did just that. At first he fought me but I made it clear that he was leaving, no matter what. I went back in to see Bea, who had calmed down. I watched her shaking shoulders, looking so small and frail perched on the edge of the bed, and the words came out easily, all the years of silent suffering were undone by a single moment in which the stars aligned and everything seemed right.
“Bea, I know this isn't the perfect time but I've been holding onto something for so long. I love you, I always have, I've loved you since before I knew what love was, and I'm sorry that it took me so long to say it. Nobody is ever going to love you like I do, nobody is going to know you the way I do. We're A & B, the angel and the devil. It's always been us against the world, and I don't want the random hook ups anymore. If we're going to do this I want to do it properly,” I said, speaking confidently. Bea turned to face me, a wide smile on her face.
“You mean it?” she said, her face lighting up.
“Of course...” I said, a little confused as to why she'd been so surprised. She leaped to her feet and clasped my hands in hers.
“I hoped you'd feel that way, all this time, but I wasn't sure...” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I've loved you too.”
“Since when?”
“Since always!”
I couldn't believe what she was saying. I stumbled back in disbelief.
“What do you mean?”
“I always loved you. You were the best person I ever knew, but you were so perfect you were like a princess and I was just...I was the girl that nobody liked, the one that they were all scared of. What chance did I have with you? And you were always so successful in everything you did, then you came here and you were such a big shot. And what did I do? I just wasted my life.”
“You lived your life!”
“I didn't, I tried to fill it with empty relationships and stupid trips to nowhere. When all I wanted to do was tell you how I felt.”
“But why didn't you just tell me?”
“I could ask the same about you,” she said, and suddenly the absurdity of our situation overwhelmed us and we collapsed into laughter, and then into kisses, and then into the bed where we made love properly for the first time, our bodies instruments of our souls, sharing and creating new realms of pleasure that we had never before broached. Our bodies screamed in ecstasy and as we lay together we achieved a state of perfect bliss. The angel and the devil were together properly at last, just as we had always been destined to be.