Wallowing wasn't going to do me any good at all so I walked out and down the high street, trying not be engulfed in the pulsing crowd but there was so much energy in the city that it almost overwhelmed me and drained me. I'd never been among so many people before and I felt like a herd of cattle. I had to fight to make my own path, and that's how I ended up dipping into a nearby restaurant and getting a job. My boss is called Al. He's a burly fellow, and while he can be stern he's mostly, usually kind. As long as you do the work he's okay, and thanks to my upbringing I've always had a good work ethic so I've had no problems with him, although some of the other girls would swear that he's the second coming of Hitler. The customers are mostly nice as well. I think a lot of them are the same as me, they just want a place to go to escape the hustle of the city. When I arrived I thought that I would throw myself into it but after a couple of days I knew that I couldn't, I didn't have it in me and I would have to take it slow. I'm not sure what I was expecting exactly but even though I had a job it still felt like there was something missing. My nights were lonely and I didn't know how to go about going out on my own, so I mostly thought and planned and wondered how everyone back home was doing in my absence. And I thought of Ivy of course, and stared out of my window because I knew that she was somewhere in the city, and my heart told me that it was just a matter of time before we found each other.
When she walked in I couldn't quite believe it. I was cleaning the coffee machine when I looked up and saw her in the mirror. She looked around and then headed to the corner, where she set down her bag. Then she came up to the counter. I froze. I had no idea what to say to her or what to do, and all I wanted was for someone else to come and serve her.
“Excuse me,” she said, with a hint of impatience in her voice. I turned around.
“I'm sorry, I was lost in my own little world,” I apologized. She ordered her drink but I barely registered the words as I was caught in her beauty. She was just the same as she was before, but different. Her nose was pierced with a silver ring, so was her right eyebrow. Her hair was swept down and I glimpsed the start of a tattoo on her collarbone. I wanted to say something but I had no idea what to begin with. I made her drink, knowing that with each passing second my chances dwindled. I could feel her eyes burning into the back of me. My entire body was tense as I tried to break through the barrier that had formed around my mind, but I was helpless. I gave her her drink; she gave me the money. As she passed the notes our hands brushed and my heart fluttered, and just like that she was gone.
I gazed at her as she sat in the corner reading her book. There were so many things I could have said to her and yet I was frozen to the spot, paralyzed. I hated myself in that moment. When she left I could have died. It felt like it was my one and only opportunity to see her and reconnect with her. All I had to do was shout before she walked out of the door and out of my life forever but the words would not form and my lips remained still. It was a moment that seemed to last forever and I knew that I would never forget it and never recover from the anguish, but still I could not force even the simplest phrase from my throat.
Then, the world crashed around me as the door closed behind her and Ivy melted into the night. Crestfallen, I turned and sighed, resigning myself to the fact that I had missed my chance and that Ivy would always be the one that could never be.
Then the door opened again and Ivy strode up to the counter.
“Is your name Selina?” she asked. I smiled, and suddenly everything was perfect again.
Chapter 5
“Yeah, you're um, you're Ivy, right?” I said in response, trying to play it cool but nerves were storming through my body.
“Yeah, wow, this is crazy! I never thought I'd see anyone from that place again. Wow, and you've changed a lot,” she said. It seemed like she was giving me an admiring glance but I wasn't sure.
“You haven't changed a bit, well, apart from your hair.”
She laughed. “You'd be surprised. Everyone changes. How long have you been here?”
“Just a couple of days.”
“Wow, you're new! How are you finding it so far?”
I wanted to be brave and cool and tell that I was taking it all in my stride and that I was loving life. Instead I told her the truth.
“Actually it's a little more difficult than I thought it was going to be. There are so many people here that it seems easy to get lost in the crowd and I just feel so...alone.”
“Yeah, it's a big culture shock. I remember when I first came here, didn't know what I was going to do or where the next meal was coming from, but at least I didn't have to put up with some condescending people always looking down on me and telling me that the way I lived was wrong. It'll get better, we all find our way, it might just take a bit of time,” she said. I smiled at her, and she returned the gesture. Her eyes were as blue as the sea and they seemed to shimmer as I gazed into them. I could have lost myself in them, and was in the process of doing so when another customer came in and interrupted us. I scowled as he ordered a drink and wished that he would leave. I made a face at Ivy. She giggled and stepped to one side as I served him. Just as it was done she glanced at her watch and gasped.