“I hope you work in a relaxing environment at least. I think it's important to be reminded that there's more to the world than work. There's so much beauty out here. Too many people deny themselves this pleasure. I see it in my clients all the time. I try to tell them that they need to take some time for themselves but they just come in for a massage and think that it will cure all their ills. Are you happy Andrea?”
The question took me by surprise and I wasn't sure how to answer it. How are you supposed to answer a question like that?
“Am I happy? Is anyone?”
“I'm happy,” she replied. That did not surprise me. She was happiness personified. “All you have to do is look around you and see happiness,” she said, and smiled widely. She started to skip and I brought my hand to my face in laughter. She took my hands and tried to get me to skip along with her but I couldn't. It wasn't in my programming. Eventually she took the hint and stopped but there was an air of disappointment about her and I felt as though I had let her down, destroyed some illusion she had of me. I felt sorry for myself as well because deep down I wanted to skip. I wanted to remember what it was like to enjoy life yet I seemed determined to turn away from every opportunity. I longed for her to start again. This time I would join her, I told myself, but she carried on walking, looking deep into the forest for a new adventure or a new secret, looking away from me. Had I ruined things already?
We reached a small piece of the field where we decided to set up our tents. I'd bought one from a store recently and had never thrown one up before. Of course Lisa was doing well with hers, and the others were seeming to manage it as well but I was having some difficulty. I managed to get a few poles in place but then it collapsed and I found myself flailing about with my hands, trying to escape the grip of the cloth as it enveloped me. I heard their laughing and then a hand shot through the purple world, and red hair came through in flashes. I reached out and grasped the hand, and was pulled out with the tent looking ruined, like a fallen parachute. I hopped up and almost fell into Clara's arms.
“Would you like some help?” Clara offered. Usually I had a problem with accepting help. Pride had always been my biggest downfall but I wasn't going to let that happen here. I gladly accepted her offer and she showed me how to rig the tent so that it wouldn't fall down. Soon enough the other three were helping me as well, and I had a little home away from home. We nodded at each other, proud that we had overcome this first hurdle, and discussed what to do next. The drive had taken a few hours and it was a little past midday. We unpacked some sandwiches and decided to have an explore.
“How you hold up Andrea, getting withdrawal symptoms yet?” Kira said. I laughed it off but I was actually missing my extra limbs. I'd gotten so used to being connected all the time that being away from it felt like I was cut off.
“At least we're hear to take your mind off it,” Simone said, and we all walked forward. The ground was uneven and tough to walk across. There was no clear path either.
“We're not going to get lost, are we?” I said, trying to hide the fear from my voice.
“Since when were you afraid of being lost?” Simone asked. She was right. When I was younger I would have been the first one to scamper off but something had changed. Somewhere along the way I had grown cautious and lost some of my childhood spark. As we walked on the rest of them chatted while I reflected on what had been lost. When I regained my senses I looked up to see Clara in deep discussion with Kira and I felt jealous again. I wanted her all to myself.
We walked for what seemed like miles and finally the world opened up to a wide expanse of water. The sun rippled along the blue surface and it looked like the light was dancing. We ran to the shore and gazed out at the canoes. Other people were swimming too and we were reminded that we were not alone. The day was warm and the walk had made our bodies prickle with sweat. Before I knew what was happening Clara had pulled off her clothes and was standing on the edge of the shore in just her bra and panties.
I almost fainted.
Everything was there. Everything that was supposed to be hidden in dark bedrooms and secret nights was out in the open for everyone to see. Clara's gorgeous body, flawless skin, tattoos of symbols and foreign languages winding around her waist. Each one a memory. So many memories of a life lived. How old was she again? As old as the earth. She smiled at me and beckoned me into the water. I refused. I shook my head. I retreated into my usual shell. Clara shrugged and then she was gone, leaving only foamy ripple of water. Lisa, Kira, and Simone all went as well, all of them frolicked and now it was too late for me. I had missed my chance. I burned with shame and watched Clara as she splashed about. Her red hair was heavy and matted against her head, her body soaked and glistened as the sun kissed it. How I wished to kiss it and be in that water with her to feel the heat of her body close to mine, to tug at the last remnants of her clothing and make it so that she was completely naked with me, only me.