Just after she and Martin had made it official Danny had expressed some concerns that things were moving too quickly and that he was pressuring her into being with him. Danny had asked her point blank whether she actually loved him or not, and although at the time she had said that she did in her heart she knew that it was a lie, and even months later after they had been living together for a while Carrie still didn't know whether she loved Martin or not. But then again what was love? Was it equitable with happiness or contentment, or was it simply feeling safe and secure with someone? Or was it just having someone to be there to take care of her. The last one fit her and Martin, and she hated herself for taking the easy way out but it was the only way out of loneliness.
She didn't think that Danny believed her but he had never pressed her for it, although he had come close, and her relationship with Martin had caused a lot of friction between the two of them and she tried to keep the two spheres of her life as far from each other as possible. It didn't always succeed and when she was forced into arguments with one or the other she hated on. On the rare occasions when the of them had met there had been palpable tension between them and she feared that at one point she would have to choose between one or the other. It wasn't the idea of being forced into a choice that provoked such feelings, but the fact that she wasn't sure which man she would choose.
Martin had been dropping more and more hints that at some point she would have to excise Danny from her life but she knew that was wrong, for Danny was the one man that had stood by her through everything she had gone through and he was her only true friend. But Martin was the man that was planning to marry her, to build a life together with her and she wanted that badly, for if she didn't marry Martin then she couldn't imagine that anyone else would want her.
It was a sorrowful existence and Carrie's heart was filled with a deep melancholy, one that was inescapable, no matter how often she looked up to the stars and prayed for some salvation. So instead, she endured it and excused Martin's behavior. If that was how he wanted to express his love then she would allow him to do so.
Things with Danny were becoming difficult as well. She was worried about him. While her life had been filled with change his was stagnating. He'd been working in the same garage ever since high school and seemed to have no ambition to give himself better opportunities in life. His relationships were always infrequent and impermanent, and it saddened her to think that he was going to be swallowed up by life without ever having really lived at all. It was her worst fear realized, and she hated the idea of Danny suffering from it.
But it seemed like there was little she could do apart from go on and continue stumbling through life, hoping that somehow it would all work out for the best, because that's what life always seemed to do.
Work was hard and stressful and over the course of the following few weeks she had less and less time for Danny, so their interactions were done mostly via text. But every night she saw Martin and cuddled up to him. Some nights they made love, other nights he made love to her, but always he made veiled references to the future.
“I told you that this would happen,” he said after Carrie replied to another text from Danny, “this is what life is like. It happened with me as well. I had a great bunch of buddies that I used to hang out with all the time but I got myself a job and other responsibilities while they kept goofing around and eventually we just went our separate ways. I think that's one of the problems with the world. People keep trying to hold onto things when they need to let them go. Not everything has to last forever, and that's perfectly fine. Better to leave something when it's golden rather than watch it twist and fade into bitterness. And you think it's going to get any better? Danny's not the type of guy to want to come around here and play with kids. He wants to go to bars and drink himself until he can forget about the emptiness of his existence but you won't be able to do that when you're a mom. You'll have too much to do. Please, I'm not trying to get in between the two of you I'm just trying to show you what's going to happen because it'll hurt you more in the long run.”
When they had first met, Carrie liked the fact that Martin was older. He spoke with such authority about things and it seemed like he knew all the mysteries of the universe. She liked the idea that a man with such experience saw something in her, something that set her apart from all the other women that flung themselves at him, for he was handsome and successful and there were no shortage of people blinded by the glow of his success. But as time went on his 'advice' became less helpful and more sanctimonious. He spoke as though he knew best in all things, including her relationship with Danny, and that was one area in which she didn't appreciate him interfering.