She fell to her knees when she felt the wall behind her because she knew there was nowhere else to go. The three boys towered above her and as they encircled her they blotted out the sun, and all became dark.
Then, suddenly, they yelled as they were hauled back. Carrie dared not lift her head but if she had done she would have seen Danny swoop in and throw them all about. Carrie had seen him around but he had always been a loner, turns out they had that in common. He sent the other boys scurrying and then spoke softly to the trembling Carrie. She looked up and saw the sun shining behind his head, but she was the only person to see him as good.
After that nobody bothered her again although nothing happened to the boys, nothing bad anyway. They ended up going undefeated and getting scholarships. Carrie tried to put her pain down in a book and within a year of finishing high school she had finished her first novel and was soon starting her second, but she didn't have faith in the material or in herself and it languished for years until she was able to find a publisher. In the meantime her friendship with Danny flourished although it only remained a friendship. In her early twenties she finally started to date and have boyfriends. He had one-night stands. Every one of their partners remarked how strange it was for the two of them to be friends, and they didn't seem to believe Carrie or Danny when they said that nothing romantic had ever happened between them.
But even through all that Carrie still struggled with self-image issues. She'd tried losing weight but could never seem to shift enough, and it didn't help that she felt worthless in life because she hadn't achieved her dreams and was approaching her late twenties without having accomplished anything of note.
That's when Martin had come along. They'd met randomly at a bar and to her surprise he took an interest in her. He was a little older and had a steady job and he knew exactly what he wanted. He told Carrie that she was the most beautiful, sexiest woman in the world, and while at first she didn't believe it she was soon convinced that he meant it after their first time together because he was like a wild animal, ravishing her with a primal savagery. She had never been made love to like that before and she enjoyed it.
He was very strict through and quickly took control of the relationship, making it clear that if she wanted to be with him then she would have to go at his pace, not hers. Early on she was still trying to get her book published, having finally worked up the courage to send it off to publishers, but he told her that it was a forlorn dream and sometimes these things just weren't meant to be, that there were other ways of being happy in life. That's when he told her that he knew of a job in his company. He pulled strings and Carrie got it. Then he asked her to move in. It had been a whirlwind but Carrie couldn't refuse. She never thought she'd have someone be so interested in her and want to build a life with her, and she was grateful for that.
Laying in bed, Carrie had the covers pulled tightly over her. Martin came into the room and slid in next to her. The familiar heat of his body seeped through to her own as his arms wrapped around her. He started to kiss the back of her neck and his hot breath washed down. His hardness pressed against her.
“Not tonight, baby. I'm feeling kinda tired,” she said, closing her eyes and nestling into the pillow. Martin continued to kiss her.
“Come on Carrie,” he whispered in her ear, “you're so sexy I just can't help myself,” he said, his hands moved around her breasts and squeezed, and he started to peel away her clothes.
“You love me don't you,” he said.
“Yes,” she found herself saying in a breathless whisper.
“And you want me?”
“Yes.”
“And you want us to make each other happy?”
“Yes.”
“Then let's make each other happy.” Her eyes clamped shut as she felt him enter her.
“Yes,” she said, as they rolled around under the covers, cloaked by darkness.
Chapter 3
The following morning Carrie was looking at herself in the mirror. Her skin had bruised where Martin had held onto her tightly, and in the cold light of day they didn't look like marks of love. But she told herself that Martin was enthusiastic, and it was just a sign of his uncontrollable desire for her. That's how she always explained it away, and Martin always made sure to leave his marks in places that were covered by clothes. She dared not tell Danny about what Martin was really like, and she only admitted it to herself deep down inside, and only when she was alone, for when she was with Martin it was easy to forget the ways in which he took control, and how he often expressed his love in hard and cruel ways, ways that hurt her, ways that reminded her she was unlovable and unattractive, that tapped into her adolescent doubts and fears, the ones she had yet to grow out of, the ones that she was afraid would always be with her like a specter haunting her as she walked through the graveyard of life, always whispering in her ears, never letting her settle or be happy.