“Yes.”
He was right, and seemed to know he’d hit pay dirt there. “I like the kids but at some point…”
“Yeah?”
“The job became my life.” She’d been in the running for a supervisory position, and she hadn’t been shocked that it hadn’t come through for her, but it had hurt. She went well over and beyond for the kids, buying everything from juice boxes and the latest educational toys, to physically sitting with sad—and injured—children. When the time to give commendations and raises came around, she was never chosen, and that hurt. That hurt a lot.
“You need to find a passion beside work and go for it.”
“Yeah. Like?”
“Dinner with a friend, or friends. Long walks on the beach. Maybe even a boyfriend.”
She snorted. It was a great idea but the actual execution wouldn’t happen. “Where should I find one of those? Online?”
He shuddered. “No, those are meat markets, you have no idea.”
Interesting, he seemed to know something about online dating. “What site?”
“Huh?” He looked kind of adorable when he was confused.
“What site did you use? I tried eHarmony, and the pairings were awful. One guy’s name was Dudley and he looked and acted just as you’d expect a Dudley to be. It was…disturbing.”
“Hey, not everyone can be named a great name like Keith.”
“True.” She gave him a wink and a smile. “How about you?”
“Match. And her name was Brenda and she hoarded Beanie Babies. They all had names. She wanted me to come back and meet her friends. I declined.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Then there were the ones who thought that because I’m a doctor that I can help them heal themselves. Always mental problems, always…”
“Yeah.” She could imagine it; he didn’t need to say anything more.
“It is really hard, dating in this environment. It’s not conducive to…”
“It’s a fake reality. Everyone sells themselves, rather than letting themselves be known as they truly are.”
“That’s it. You’re one smart lady.”
“Thanks.” She gave him a little smile, very pleased by his comment. “One smart single lady. Old maid, as my grandmother would have called me.”
“Better that no-good scoundrel, which was what she called me.”
“You? Why?”
“There may have been a little too much laundry soap in our principal’s car one prank day.”
Jan giggled and shook her head. “And because Daddy was the light of her life, there was no way she’d even broker any chance in the world that he was the ringleader.”
“You said it,” he said with a laugh. “You know how proud your parents are of you, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I have an inkling,” she told him, her mouth curving up into a smile. “They’re the best, Keith. They’ve done so much for me.”
“Do they know you’re unhappy?” he asked, startling her.
“Unhappy?” she asked slowly. “Does it really seem that way? I’m in a rut, sure, but I don’t know if I’m…”
“Jan, stop there. Bullshit. You’re lonely and you’re unhappy. Face it; we both know you are.”
She closed her eyes, shaking her head. It had been so long since anyone had really called her on her stuff, and it felt strange, not to mention a lot annoying, that it was happening now. And by Keith who was someone she was subtly trying to impress, though she wasn’t sure why.
“Okay, I’m in a rut. So what do I do about it?”
“Take some chances.”
“Mmhmm.” She couldn’t help the sarcasm she laced into that. “And how do I do that?”
“Live. Breathe. Fly without a net. Whatever it is, just do it and do it to the best of your abilities, and do it to emphasize your soul, rather than a paycheck or whatever else you’re thinking needs to be done. You have got to live, and by living, you’ll discover whatever purpose it is, whatever greater good that you need, whatever will feed your soul.” He gave her a level look. “I don’t need a psych degree to know that you’re eating to hide something deep inside you. That you’re coping by medicating with food.”
Okay, this was getting more than a little annoying. “And how would you know that?” she asked, glaring at him.
“I have a brain, a very active brain, and I know that you put yourself down with self deprecating humor and that you cope by being the best invisible force you can be, rather than the take charge woman you ought to be. I’ve seen it again and again. You’re not unique.”