A Whole New Crowd(85)

There was silence and then Mandy said, “One minute, Evans. She’s still my sister.”

Ignoring her, he focused on me. He was trying to read me again. “What’s going on?”

I took a moment and drank the sight of him in. He was gorgeous. Sometimes I didn’t see it. I felt his beauty. He was kind. He was patient. He stood up to me and for me. He took care of me, and he fought side by side with me. Those were his qualities, but he wasn’t just mine. I saw it downstairs and a part of me was jealous. I didn’t want to share him, but I knew I would have to. Now, seeing him at this party, it was like I was being reminded of the other side of Tray. Hazel eyes, sandy blonde hair, rakish grin, chiseled cheekbones, broad shoulders, trim waist, and my mouth watered as I remembered feeling his weight above me.

That alien emotion was back. It bubbled to the surface and spread all over. I shook my head. Shit. That was a whole other level of emotions I didn’t want to deal with either.

“Taryn?”

My voice was hoarse again when I spoke. “I’m seeing this through, Tray.”

“Okay.” His eyes narrowed, growing thoughtful. “Why are you telling me this now?”

“Because you have friends here. These people think of you like family. You’re not mine.” I hesitated. “Only mine. You’re theirs too. And what I’m about to do, it’s dangerous. I don’t know if you should help me.”

A corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk. “Who do you think I am? Someone weak? Someone soft? You’re going to come at me, preach to me about the dangerous road you’re going down? You think I don't know?” He stood from the door, locked it, and advanced on me. He spoke with each step he took. “I wake up next to you every morning. I hold you every night. I’m there. I’m beside you. This is me. I’m all fucking in, Taryn. Stop trying to scare me away and stop trying to treat me with kid gloves. I taught you how to fight, remember? Do I need to remind you of my life? I found my mom dead. That was me. I found her in bed. I found the empty bottle of pills and booze. I found the note. Me. I was there when my dad decided to leave with Galverson. Jace showed up. He gave my dad an ultimatum: Leave now, go with them and keep his mouth shut for the rest of his life to save mine, or go with my brother and get a bullet in the head later. That was his choice. He left me behind. I was there. I heard the whole thing and Jace saw me. I was standing upstairs. I wasn’t hiding, but my dad didn’t even look at me. He grabbed his wallet, took out his bank card, put it with a wad of cash on the counter, and left. That’s the last thing I remember about my dad.”

I swallowed and felt as if he’d struck me across the face. He’d had it hard. So did I. He shook his head. “Stop.” He was in front of me now. His hands lifted. He was going to touch the sides of my face, but he hesitated. I saw the agony in him, and he closed his eyes. He closed himself off from me and drew in a breath.

I frowned. He was drawing strength and he was doing it without me. My hands lifted to his before I realized what I was doing. I didn’t want him to do that. I wanted him to draw strength from me and as his eyes opened, I was gutted. “Stop.”

He did. I saw it.

I added, “I don’t want to ruin your life.”

“You won’t.”

I shook my head. I already had.

“Stop, Taryn.” His hands cupped my face. His thumbs rubbed over my cheeks, softly and tenderly. “It goes both ways. I’m all-in. I’ve never been this guy. I’ve never cared about a girlfriend before, but it’s different with you. Everything’s different with you. It’s too late to go back. I’m in, Taryn. Do you hear that? I’m in. Accept it. I’m here. I’m not leaving. I’m your best friend. I’m going to be your lover. I’m going to fight with you. I’m going to hold you. I’m going to support you. I will not betray you, and I will not abandon you.”

Each word calmed me. The storm was there, but it wasn’t raging any more, and I cracked a grin. “I don’t have a say in the matter?”

He leaned forward. His lips were going to my forehead, but he held back. I felt him struggling with his emotions before he murmured, “No, you don’t. You have to deal with it.” He touched his lips there and his chest jerked up. The emotion was strong in him. We were the same in that moment. My hands clung to the back of his as he cradled my face, but I tugged him down.

His eyes opened and he looked into mine. For the first time, I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t look away. I let him stare into me. I let him see everything, and then I reached for his lips. As they touched mine, I claimed him this time.