“Now isn’t a good time.”
He knew she was hoping he’d nod and retreat, but he was pretty sure that giving her more time was not the answer. “How about in five minutes then?”
“Five?”
“Come on, Emma. Don’t make me beg.”
Her eyes widened in that cute way he had come to realize was a mixture of happiness and shyness. He found it endearing that a woman like her, who’d had a rich married life and three daughters, could still be as sweetly shy as she was.
“All right. We’ll talk. Annie, dear, go play with your sisters for a few minutes, ’kay? I need to visit with Mr. Jay for a minute.”
“Okay, Mommy,” she said as she trotted off to Mandy’s side.
Jay smiled at Annie’s retreating back. “She listened to you right away. That’s impressive.”
Emma chuckled. “It doesn’t happen all that often, though my Annie is the most agreeable of my girls.” She looked as if she was about to add something more about her daughters, but she swallowed instead. “So . . .”
“So, I wanted to make sure I hadn’t done anything to upset you the last time we went out.”
“You mean when we went out for ice cream?”
He nodded. Because it had been a school night, he and Emma had simply gone for a walk to Olaf’s for ice cream while Tricia and Ben watched the girls. Mark had stayed back at the farm with William. Ever since he’d said good night to her, Jay had been replaying everything they’d done and said, but no offenses came to mind.
“You haven’t seemed as open the last couple of times we’ve talked,” he said. “I may be overthinking things, but I wanted to hear what you had to say.”
After glancing at the children again, she nodded. “You’re right. I’ve been having second thoughts about us.”
Her explanation was surprisingly painful to hear. “What did I do?”
“Oh, goodness, Jay. It isn’t you. It’s me. I, well, I’ve been worried that maybe we’ve been rushing into things.”
“I see.” Of course, he really didn’t. Though he had been honest about his feelings toward her, Jay had made a concerted effort not to push Emma. He’d been careful not to talk about the future. He certainly hadn’t done anything more than hold her hand.
“I had another conversation with my mother,” she added. “She reminded me that I might be asking for too much.”
“What were you asking for?”
She shrugged but didn’t meet his eyes. “You know. To have another relationship.”
“Emma, surely you don’t imagine that the Lord wants you to live the rest of your life as a widow?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you think He wants you to be alone? I thought all of us being together made you happy.”
She blinked. “It did. I mean, it does.”
“Then why isn’t that enough? Why can’t we simply be happy for now . . . and let the future take care of itself?”
“Do you think that is possible?”
He nodded. “Isn’t that what happens anyway? I was happy with Evelyn and you were happy with Sanford. But they both got sick. How would you feel if you had spent all your time with Sanford doubting yourself or wondering if you deserved your time with him?”
“I would regret it.”
“I’m going to regret it if you give up on us,” he admitted. “Please don’t give up on us yet.”
She stared at him for what seemed like an eternity. Then, at last, she nodded. “All right, Jay. You win. I won’t give up on us.”
Only then did he release the lungful of air he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding.
Chapter 23
The next afternoon, Emma was sitting outside in the backyard with the kids when Jay came over again. The kinner reacted to his arrival much like they had the day before. Lena and William looked pleased to see him but tried hard to act far too old to get excited. Annie and Mandy, on the other hand, rushed to him with outstretched arms. Jay got down on one knee and gently hugged each of them. And then gave Frankie a pat, too. Only after the girls went back to the tent they were making out of an old sheet did he walk to Emma’s side.
“Hi.”
“Hi, Jay. It’s nice to see you two days in a row.”
He grinned. “Ben and Mark have been teasing me, saying I’m smitten.”
“Are you?”
He winked. “Maybe.”
And just like that, her heart started beating a little bit quicker.
He took a seat next to her at the picnic table. “Do you have plans for supper?”
“Nothing too special. The girls and I were going to have soup and sandwiches.”