He could take a woman out on a date.
“You okay, Daed?” Ben asked.
“I’m fine. Why?”
“No reason.” Smiling he added, “Well, no reason besides the fact that your right hand is gripping the rail like we’re on a roller coaster and you’re about to fall off. And your left hand has been tapping the edge of your seat. Loudly.”
Immediately, Jay clasped his hands in his lap. Ben had been right, he’d been holding on for dear life, in the metaphorical sense. “I guess I’m a little nervous,” he admitted.
“You’ll be fine, I promise. Emma likes you. I saw the way she was looking at you the other night.”
There was no way he was going to ever admit how happy Ben’s words about Emma liking him had made him. “It’s just a walk and supper. We’ve shared several meals together now.”
“That you have. You’re going to be fine.”
“And if we realize we don’t suit, that’s not gonna be a problem.” Best to keep expectations low and all.
“It won’t be a problem. You will suit each other fine. You already suit each other fine.”
“Maybe you are right.”
“I know I’m right. All of us have noticed that there’s something special happening between you and Emma Keim.”
“All of us? You mean you and Mark?”
“And William. And Tricia. And I think, even Lena.” Grinning, Ben stretched his hands out in front of him. “We’re all counting the minutes until both of you know it, too.”
“Great.”
Discovering that Emma and he did suit each other well was actually what he was most afraid of. If that happened, he’d have to think about another date. And then, maybe even a future. And what then? It was one thing for their kinner to be all right with him taking Emma out every now and then, but surely their children would react differently if they thought things were about to change drastically.
Would Emma’s little girls ever be okay with the idea of sharing their mother?
Suddenly, his collar was way too tight. He pulled on the fabric around his neck. It didn’t stretch a millimeter, of course, but the action did somehow make him breathe a little easier.
Ben noticed. “Daed, quit worrying so much.”
“Do you think William was being truthful when he said he didn’t mind me doing this?”
“I do.”
“Really? Because his acceptance kind of took me off guard, if you want to know the truth.”
“Really, Daed. I’m sure. William is not upset.”
“Wait a minute. How come you sound so sure about this?” For the first time Ben looked a bit hesitant. “Ben, what do you know that I don’t?”
“Nothing. It’s just that I know William misses having a mother.” He swallowed. “We all do, of course. But me and Mark had Mamm for a lot longer than he did. Plus, William is kind of sensitive. He needs a woman’s ear from time to time.”
Jay thought about that and realized his son was exactly right. For the last few years now, Jay hadn’t been giving Will as much attention and care as the young boy needed. First he’d been looking after Evelyn, then mourning her passing. Then had come all the planning and preparation for their big move to Sarasota, and lately Jay had needed to spend every waking hour getting the farm up and running. Besides all that, there were the simple chores of everyday life that took up so much time: laundry and grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning. That left little quality time for him to spend with his boys. But while Mark had taken it in stride because that was his nature, and Ben was more than ready to be an adult, little William had been floundering.
“Maybe I should be spending more time with Will instead of with Emma.”
“Daed, not to be mean or anything, but Will don’t need more of you. He needs a mother.”
“Maybe if I go courting, I should be looking for a woman who doesn’t already have a bunch of kinner.” Not that he had ever even looked at another woman twice before he’d met Emma.
“Daed, William likes Emma. He likes going to her haus every afternoon.” Flashing a smile, he added, “He likes all of those little girls, too. We all do.”
The comment reminded him of just how cute those girls were. And so different from William, Mark, and Ben! “Little girls are sure silly.”
Ben smiled. “Yep. And they squeal.”
“And cry easily, I’m learning.”
“But that Annie is so cute, Daed. The other day she wanted to hold my hand. And when we said good-bye, she asked for a hug.”
“They’re sweet girls, for sure. No matter what happens with Emma and me, I am glad that we’ve gotten to know them.”