She tilted her head to one side, as she watched him pour. “Did your family not help you?”
“They did. Though, to be honest, they wanted to do more than I let them. I didn’t want them to always be in the house. I needed control, you see. Taking care of my boys let me pretend that I had some control of the situation, though of course Evelyn’s fate had always been in God’s hands.” Handing her a glass, he said, “I love my family but I needed space, too. I guess that’s another reason why the boys and I moved to Florida.”
“I understand.” Emma frowned. “But I’ve never been quite brave enough to refuse my family’s offers of help. Or Sanford’s. They are around all the time.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a blessing.”
“It is,” she said slowly. “And it was. But now I feel like I’m not really very independent. What’s more, I don’t think they want me to be.”
“I’m sure God will help you find the right way to extricate yourself. Or not. Everyone moves at their own pace, I think.”
Her blue eyes widened and Jay stared back, thinking what a pretty shade they were. A true blue, not veering toward gray or brown or green. Her eyes were slightly almond shaped, too.
She set her glass down on the kitchen countertop. “Jay, I’m afraid I have a confession to make.”
He set his glass down, too. “What is it?”
“Well, I had a talk with Ben and Tricia this afternoon. And for some reason—I’m not rightly sure how—we started talking about their engagement and courting and then, well, me courting.”
Her last words were so hesitantly spoken, so very embarrassed sounding, he stepped closer and gently ran one calloused finger along her knuckles. “I wasna going to tell you, but Ben and Tricia told me about that conversation.”
“They told you?” she squeaked.
“They did. They were excited about the idea, you see.”
She closed her eyes. “I’m so embarrassed. If I keep my eyes closed, can we pretend I’m not here?”
He chuckled. “Not a chance.”
“Couldn’t you try real hard?”
“Nope. Because I’m glad you’re here, you see.” In for a penny, in for a pound. “I was glad to hear what Tricia and Ben told me.”
Her eyes popped open again. “You were?”
“Jah. I’m proud of you for being braver than me.”
“I wasna brave.”
“You were.” Taking a deep breath, he said, “Emma, if you came over here just so your girls could say hello to my boys, that is fine with me. We will always enjoy your company and friendship. But . . .” His voice drifted off. He was warring between being as honest and brave as she had been and guarding his heart.
“But?” she prompted.
“If you really did come over because you’d like us to be closer in an . . . um, romantic way? If you’d like to see whether there could be a relationship between us—us as in you and me—I have to tell you that makes me really happy.”
“It does?” Wonder lit her voice.
As Jay nodded, he realized that he was telling the absolute truth. “There’s something about you that makes me want to know you better, Emma. And it has nothing to do with the fact that we have had similar experiences with losing a spouse. It has to do with how kind you are. With the way you love that hund of yours, even though he has to be the worst-behaved beagle in history. It has to do with the way that you brought over supper and didn’t expect even my thanks in return.”
Lowering his voice, he reached out and took one of her hands. “And it also has something to do with the fact that you have the prettiest blue eyes I’ve ever seen in my life. And that I think all of you is just as pretty.”
In that moment, he felt as vulnerable as he’d ever been. Actually, Jay felt more fragile and uncertain than Ben probably had ever felt around Tricia, more hesitant than he’d ever felt around Evelyn. Funny how life’s experiences made one wiser but also made one realize just how fragile the heart was. Now that he knew about loss, and knew how fleeting happiness could be, he was far more hesitant to put himself at risk.
She blinked again and smiled. “So you are sayin’ coming over was the right decision?”
“The very best. But from now on, I think I would like to do the calling and courting. I may be rusty but I’d like to give it a try.”
She giggled, a light, girlish sound that lit up his kitchen. “That’s a deal.”
Outside, the children were chattering up a storm—it was obvious that Ben, Mark, and Tricia had returned—but inside the kitchen, under the pale glow of a kerosene lamp, there was only a thick silence.