A Wedding at the Orange Blossom Inn(53)

“We were talking to her about our engagement,” Tricia began. “Then we started talking about courting . . .”

“And then I asked her if she was ever going to date again,” Ben continued. “And, well, I might have also asked about you and her.”

“You did not.”

Ben nodded. “It wasn’t any big deal, Daed.”

“You and I will speak about keeping my business private later, son.”

“We can talk about that all you want, but I wasn’t wrong. She knows you are becoming a friend and I think she admires you, too.”

Jay’s next gripe got stuck in his throat as his son’s words registered. “She said all that?”

“More or less.” Ben shrugged. “We didn’t talk about you all that much. But she is going to come over.” Giving him a look, Ben added, “And before you start getting upset with me for sticking my nose in your business, I need to point out that this visit was her idea, not mine.”

“Really?” he asked before he remembered to stop sounding like a lovesick fool.

Tricia nodded. “Really.”

“You ought to be nice to her, Daed,” Mark said.

“I’m always nice to her.”

“You ought to take her out walking or something, then. Girls like that.”

He was completely taken off guard, both by his middle boy’s dating advice . . . and what his words meant. “Mark,” he ventured hesitantly, “do you want me to see Emma?”

“Maybe.” He paused, then added, “I hate seeing you alone.”

“I haven’t been alone. I have all of you.”

“It ain’t the same, Daed.” Mark looked down at his boots, as if he was wary about revealing his thoughts.

Jay could understand that. He didn’t want to reveal just how much he was starting to care for Emma. “We’ll see what happens,” he murmured, attempting to keep his voice and expression neutral. “After all, it hasn’t been that long since your mamm passed away.”

Raising his chin again, Mark said, “I know, Daed. But Mamm was sick for a long time before then.” He held up a hand. “I know I’m not supposed to ever speak of that. Or talk about how I feel. I’ll stop.”

“You can always tell me how you feel, Mark. Always.” When his son looked at him like he couldn’t quite believe that, he added, “I know your heart is in the right place. I know you loved your mamm, and just as importantly, she knew it, too. Because of that, you can be as honest as you would like about your feelings.”

He looked back down at the floor. “I only meant that when she was so sick, it was like we’d already lost her,” he mumbled.

Mark’s words hit him hard. Not because they weren’t true or he was surprised. It was because Mark was brave enough to voice how long and difficult Evelyn’s illness had been for everyone. Jay had always felt disloyal whenever he dared to be so honest. “I know,” he said at last. “I know what you meant. But that doesn’t mean I need to start getting serious about another woman.”

Ben groaned impatiently. “You don’t have to be like Tricia and me and fall in love right away, Daed. But anything is better than sitting home alone all the time. Ain’t so?”

He privately agreed, but he didn’t know how to handle both his feelings and his sons’ feelings. Or how much his eldest sounded like a love and romance expert.

But because William was not there—and he’d always been sure that William was suffering the most from the loss of Evelyn—he admitted, “I don’t know how to do all of this correctly. I don’t want either of you to feel like I’m replacing your mother.”

“You could never replace Mamm,” Mark said. “But I don’t think she would be happy to know you were home by yourself and sad.”

He’d never thought about it like that. He’d only concentrated on his promises to her . . . not what she might have wanted him to do. Evelyn was the most generous woman he’d ever met, and though her body had always been weak, she’d had innate strength about her. A backbone. “I think you’re right.”

Ben smiled. “If we’re right, then that means you ought to go home and wash up, Daed. We’ll finish up here.”

He looked down at his clothes. He supposed he was a bit muddy. “You think I need to clean up a bit?”

Tricia nodded. “It couldn’t hurt, Jay.”

As he went inside the house to take that shower, he felt lighter. As if the weight of guilt and worry he’d been carrying around had finally been lifted. To his surprise, he also felt a little nervous. He was going courting again. And as he thought of Emma, with her perfect skin, dark blue eyes, and heart of gold, he knew he wanted to be worthy of her.