"I don't feel so lucky."
The nurse came in, checked the pump, and nodded. "You need anything else?"
Hannah shook her head. "Danki. I mean, thank you."
The woman smiled. "I knew what you meant."
She turned to Jenny. "Got some experience in using one of these, eh?"
"I sure do."
"Used to watch you on the news," she told Jenny. "Glad you're doing well now." With that, she left the room.
Phoebe came in and took her seat again.
"You're lucky because you survived despite losing a lot of blood. The fact that Chris knew what to do about the nicked artery in your arm and that he kept his head probably saved your life. The bullet just grazed your side and didn't hit any vital organs."
"But—" Hannah hesitated and then took a deep breath."What about having babies? What if the bullet hit—Jenny, what if I can't have babies?"
Jenny squeezed her hand. "I know, you're worried because you have a lot of pain in your side. But the surgeon said he doesn't feel there's any reason why you won't have children.The bullet didn't hit your reproductive organs."
She stopped for a moment, then went on. "He wouldn't lie, Hannah. They tell you if it's doubtful."
Now it was Hannah's turn to squeeze Jenny's hand. Each month that Jenny didn't conceive she felt sad for days. The doctors hadn't been encouraging with her because the injuries from the bombing had been so severe.
But somehow, despite the monthly disappointments, Hannah knew that her brother remained steadfast and believed that if it was God's will then he and Jenny would have more kinner.
"Let's just get you well and back home."
Phoebe nodded. "It's too quiet there without you. You bring life to the haus."
"You're so sweet. Speaking of quiet, you're not saying much today," Hannah told her.
"I'm just a little tired."
"You need to go home and get some rest."
"I agree," Jenny said, getting to her feet. "And we need to let you get some rest too." She leaned down to kiss Hannah's cheek. "Matthew will be by after supper to see you. Maybe he'll bring—" she stopped, looked at Phoebe.
"Jenny, if you don't mind I'd like to talk to Hannah for just a minute."
"Sure. I'll be downstairs in the lobby."
Phoebe pulled over a chair and sat down beside the bed."No one's saying it, so I guess I'll have to."
Hannah looked away from the sympathy in Phoebe's eyes."He's gone, isn't he?"
"No, he hasn't left. Not yet."
"Then—" she stopped. "I'm not going to ask why he's not coming to see me. I told myself that I wouldn't ask."
"But you don't understand, do you?"
Hannah's eyes filled with tears. "I thought he cared for me."
Phoebe patted her hand. "Oh, dear one, he does. He does.I'm sure of it. But he blames himself for what happened."
"But he didn't do it!"
"He came looking for you that day. He was leaving because he wanted the man to follow him, to take him away from here.He was afraid you'd be hurt. Then exactly what he feared happened."
"But he didn't do it!" Hannah repeated. "It isn't his fault I got hurt."
Sighing, Phoebe nodded. "But he blames himself. I think you have to be prepared for him to stay away." She smiled. "So I guess you know what you need to do, don't you?"
"Get better and get out of here," Hannah said slowly. "And then I want to go see Christopher Matlock. I have a few things to say to him."
"Gut," said Phoebe and she smiled.
Hannah lay against her pillows, closed her eyes, and let exhaustion overtake her. It seemed no matter how much she slept, she needed more. She was beginning to despair that she'd ever go home.
The air in the jail felt cold and dank and, if she were fanciful, smelled of despair.
Hannah was glad she'd never done anything to land herself here. A jail officer sent her through the security checkpoint and then made her take off her sling to check that she wasn't carrying weapons.
"Hey, Bill, she's okay," another officer called over. "She's a victim. It was in the news last week, remember?"
"She could be here to hurt him," Bill said, not impressed.The other officer rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right. When's the last time you heard of an Amish person who did something criminal?"
"Never make assumptions. There's always a first time." The officer showed no expression as he glanced up at Hannah. "No offense, ma'am."
"None taken," she said, awkwardly sliding the sling over her arm again.
"The D.A.'s gonna have a cow," she heard one of the officers say as she walked away.