He still had his moments—but hopefully they were getting fewer. What had the chaplain advised? Let go and let God? It was a snappy phrase, he said, and he admitted that he often said he would let go and let God. However, the chaplain's wife had told him he'd then try to take back a small part of it and tell God he could handle it—to no good result!
On a whim, Chris let the Bible fall open and give him direction.It was something he'd seen his late buddy Vince do with this same Bible. The pages parted and he saw Psalms 28:7: "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped."
With a deep sigh, he closed the book and placed it with the other one on the nightstand. He clicked off the batteryoperated lantern, turned on his side, and lay in the dark watching moonlight filter in through the window.
His hand stroked the quilt again, and he thought about Hannah and then felt himself dosing off . . .
Her cheek was like the petals of a rose. He couldn't stop stroking it. Her eyes were dark, dreamy, half-closed with pleasure from his hand touching hers as she stood with the moonlight behind her.
Standing close to her, he inhaled her clean scent, part of it the mild soap Phoebe made for the family, part of it the light scent of lavender.
Her hair was down, a rich, dark mass that waved and flowed down over her shoulders. His hands stroked it and it felt like silk.
"Chris?"
"Hmm?" He'd never thought he'd get this close to her, be able to touch her.
"Chris! Are you all right?"
"More than all right," he said, smiling, and he bent to kiss her.
Her lips were so soft, so warm, moving against his in a way that took his breath away.
Then she was pulling away from him, taking the sweetness, the hope, the promise—
Her voice became sharper, not at all dreamy and romantic the way it was. "Chris! Are you all right?"
He blinked and found that she was standing there in front of him, looking concerned.
"What—what happened?" He realized he'd just awoken from a very delicious dream.
"You were pacing around. I saw you from the kitchen window.Then you were standing here, looking odd, your hands moving like—like—" she stopped. "I got worried that you were having one of those stress episodes so I ran over. Then you were—you were—"
His face burned. "Kissing you," he said hoarsely. He watched her pull her robe closer, push her hair behind her back.
"Were you sleepwalking?"
Chris glanced around him. He didn't remember coming outside but he must have. "I guess so. It happened a couple of times when I was in the hospital."
She reached out to touch his arm. "Are you okay now?"
He shook his head. "I wish you hadn't woken me up," he said softly and he reached out to stroke a lock of her hair that the wind caressed in a way he wanted to do. "Some things you only get to do in your dreams."
He could tell he'd shocked her and he withdrew his hand and straightened. "Go home."
"But—"
"Go home before I show you how I'd like to touch you."
Her mouth fell open at his words and then she spun around and ran from him, her steps soundless on the ground between the houses. He waited until she disappeared into Phoebe's house.
He let himself back into the house, threw himself down on the bed, and prayed he'd dream that dream again.
12
Chris heard the soft footsteps sneaking up on him as he sat on the porch of the dawdi haus reading his Bible.
Pretending to yawn and then turn the page of his book, he cast a surreptitious glance around, pretty certain he knew who was sneaking up on him. Yes, it was just as he thought.
He waited until the last minute and then jumped up, dropping his book and grabbing her around the waist and swinging her around and around out over the edge of the porch.
"I'll teach you to sneak up on me!" he growled.
She squealed as her feet flew into the air and her skirts fluttered."Stop, Chris, stop!" she cried.
But when he slowed, she shook her head. "No! No! More! More!"
He felt his heart lift as she giggled. What a delight to hear pure joy, he couldn't help thinking.
"Annie!"
Chris recognized Hannah's voice.
He set Annie on her feet and steadied her when she laughed and lurched, dizzy from being spun around. How could one little girl wrap him so completely around her little finger, he wondered.
What would it be like to have a child like this? Not just the woman you wanted, but a child? Annie wasn't just a beautiful little girl in looks, with her blond hair, big blue eyes, and a dimpled smile. She had such a sunny disposition and endless curiosity.
"Annie!"
"She's back here," he called and saw Hannah round the side of the house and spot them.