Unable to sleep, I twist and untwist the fabric.
My phantom comes alive.
Beneath my right knee,
nails scratch at invisible skin.
I bite down. Sweat beads on my lips.
I bolt upright and grip my residual limb.
This is all I have.
My pain is an illusion.
I will not give in.
A beam of moonlight gleams through the bronze circle of flame
in which my Shiva dances.
Shiva, I pray,
open my third eye.
Help me sense the truth
and drive away this unreal pain.
Open my third eye.
Show me your light.
And let me see
Govinda’s feelings for me
and mine for him
clearly.
I press on the spot between my brows.
Desperate.
My forehead wet with sweat.
Concentrate.
Reality is the pressure between my eyebrows.
Next morning, I see a red dot
bored into the skin at the center of my forehead
by my fingernail.
HAUNTED
Chandra knows right away something’s wrong
when we meet for lunch at school.
“What’s the matter, Veda? Someone say something?
Need me to punch the terrible twins?”
“Govinda said he liked me
but I messed it all up, Chandra.
Acted like I didn’t care
if we never met again.”
“So call him and apologize.
It’s as easy as that,” Chandra says.
“But it—scares me
how Govinda gives in to his parents.
What if Govinda and I get together
and his parents don’t like me?
Will
he give me up, too,
like that rich boy who dumped your sister?”
“Not every rich boy is an invertebrate like my sister’s ex.
And look at your ma. She married your pa
though her family said no.”
“My ma admitted she still misses her family.
It takes a lot of strength to do what she did.”
My voice shakes. “Chandra, I don’t know what to do.
I miss him. I’m so confused.”
“You’ll work it out,” Chandra says.
I’m not sure if she means
Govinda and I will work things out together
or if she means
I’ll work him out of my system.
OFFERING THANKS
I’m practicing on my own at home
trying not to think how much I miss Govinda,