If He’s the soul of compassion, why does He let people suffer?”
Chandra shrugs.
“Physics says every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
Karma is kind of the same, isn’t it?
Good actions result in rewards, sooner or later.
If you cause suffering, instead, something bad will return to you.
As for God, the fact that atoms are inside everything
tells me God is within us all.
I see His cosmic dance of creation as
the spinning of electrons within every atom.
Science is God enough for me.”
But not
for me.
I think of the last time I was at this temple with Paati,
her silver head bent in prayer, so empowered by her faith.
The image of her, so sure, so firm in her belief,
gives me comfort.
And though I’m not sure what God means to me
or if He hears me,
I pray as hard as I can
for Paati’s safe return home.
SEEING
SHIVA
Home from the hospital,
Paati can no longer pray sitting cross-legged
on the floor in front of our household altar.
I offer to bring the other deities to our bedside table
where my Shiva dances.
Paati shakes her head.
So instead, I fetch the bottle of oil.
As I massage her,
Paati says, “Objects of prayer used to help me focus my mind.
I don’t need them anymore.
Shiva dances everywhere.
In everyone. In everything.”
DANCE
YOGA
In class with Govinda,
I fall almost at once.
He pulls me to my feet,
his eyebrows furrowed with worry. “Something’s wrong.”
“My grandma had a heart attack.
She’s home now, but I’m so scared—” My voice breaks.
He strokes my back. “I’m glad she’s better now.”
His voice is a soothing balm.
I add, “Akka says I’m clearly showing my pain,
but not the peace Gautami found after accepting her loss.
I don’t feel peaceful, Govinda.
I can’t show what I don’t know.”
Govinda stands erect.
Starts
moving
slower than I thought possible.
Watching his body flow
from one pose to the next,
moving in concert with the rise and fall of his chest,
is as calming
as watching clouds drift across a blue sky.