I feel I can see his soul shining
in the depths of his eyes.
FLIGHT
of
FEELING
I’m in the bedroom
trying to choose the prettiest dot to wear on my forehead
when I hear Pa welcome Govinda in.
My heart thuds
as though I’m dancing in the third and fastest speed.
Govinda’s voice is offset by a high-pitched childish one.
He’s brought his sister along.
I try not to feel too disappointed.
We will still have time together,
he did make me a gift for no reason,
and bringing her shows how nice he is to everyone.
Mrs. Subramaniam’s eyes pop out of their sockets
when she sees me and Govinda
walking out of our building together.
I realize I’ve never seen Shobana
or even any of her older daughters with a boy.
Until they were engaged.
When we reach the field,
Govinda whispers, “Sorry I brought Leela.
I have a hard time saying no to her.”
“You’re a sweet older brother.
Nothing wrong with that,” I say.
A caged look comes over Govinda’s face.
“I’m still having a hard time saying no
to what my parents want me to do with my life, too, though.
I hate disturbing the peace and that’s not always good.”
I try to lighten his mood.
“You’d prefer to be a demon like me?”
“I actually would.” He touches my chin with a forefinger.
“I’d love to be brave enough, clear enough,
to show them how much I want to be a dancer.
Every time the topic comes up, my pa and ma tell me
how hard they’ve worked
so I could have a comfortable life,
how long it took to establish their firm and make it flourish,
how it’s my duty to earn well
so I can look after them in their old age
and my duty to look after their legacy that I’ll inherit.”
“Maybe you should try having an accident.
Worked well with me and my ma.”
Shaking his head, Govinda smiles.
“Can’t believe you can joke about that!”
Leela interrupts us,
yanking at Govinda’s arm and yelling, “Help me fly my kite!”
He ruffles her hair.
Leela shrieks, “I’m flying, I’m flying,”
as they launch her kite into the clear sky.
It’s my turn next.
“Keep the string taut.” Govinda shouts instructions at me.
I feel a gust of air catch my kite, lift it, then suddenly drop away,
almost sending it crashing into the trees.
I reel the line in.