“I can believe that, Tim. You’re still something, but in good ways.” She kept looking at him, wondering whether or not to ask why he had been in counseling. Her ambition to know any and everything about Timothy Polaris beckoned her. “Why did you have to go to counseling?”
“Well, the fact of the matter is that I didn’t have a nifty childhood. My parents were people who shouldn’t have been parents. They didn’t take their job seriously and because of that, I stayed in trouble, fights in school, etc. Finally, I got help from Dr. Hammond. I still see her at times, just to talk over things.”
“I’m sorry about what happened to you.”
“Me, too.”
“Still, it’s kind of sexy being with a man who was and still is a rebel.”
“That’s a part of my life I don’t want to revisit. However, I can wow you with some smooth jazz.”
“No thanks. I have my guys and you have yours.” Brandi pillaged through her CD case, found Outkast and put her headset on.
Tim slipped a Sarah Vaughn CD into the changer and relaxed as he drove.
* * *
They both wanted to hear the lecture on Mark Twain, one that Tim didn’t know would be offered. When he looked back down at his program, he noticed there would be selected seminars on 19th and 20th century authors. Those were the ones they went to first. They sat in the overly crowded lecture hall. Tim lowered his voice. “I know everyone has read Huck Finn, but what other works of his do you like?”
“Everything he wrote, but I hate doing papers on anyone. Maybe I can do my paper after the mid term on Twain. We should be getting into the 19th century soon right?”
“The midterm is in three weeks, and the paper is due almost two weeks after. And yes, Twain would be good. So would, Melville, Poe, Walt Whitman, Thoreau, Dickinson. You have a large choice this time as compared to the 16th and 17th centuries. Besides, I have notes on those authors that you can use.”
“You would let me use those?’
“Sure. I have helped you before, why not now?
As Brandi turned her attention to the speaker, Tim wouldn’t help but stare at her a moment longer. She simply took him away with her beauty and intelligence, something he was so turned on about.
Brandi turned and saw him in dreamland and pulled his ear. “What were you daydreaming about? Or was I boring you to tears?”
“Hardly that; I was thinking about how glad I am that I brought you up here.”
“Why?”
“I’ve opened up a new world to you. I think you have a better appreciation for literature than you had.”
“Yes, but more to the point, I need the A.”
“That’s all?”
“I do appreciate your helping me, and who better than someone who’s won literary awards? And true, I do have a greater appreciation for literature, more than I thought. I am a literary science major and this is helping, but this is a grade to me as well.” She knew why Tim was staring into her eyes. There was no doubt that their attraction had lasted way past The Entrapment, despite how he carried on the other day about the risks of them being together. Running into bathrooms and crying her eyes out because he was making mind moves on her was unnerving. He was the kind of man who made her wonder which she wanted more: a man who could love her endlessly, or a career that would guarantee financial independence? Tim could give her both, but not while at Madison. Thoughts of NYU crossed her mind.
She came back to earth. “I think I’ll do something on Poe. I love his ‘Fall of the House of Usher.’”
“It is a good one. Do you want to stay for the other lectures or take off in a couple of hours?”
“Stay for a while. I really like the authors they’re showcasing.”
“If you like, and we could grab something to eat in between.”
Two more hours of seeing Tim in that white buttoned-down shirt with the first three buttons undone. She didn’t know if she could do it. His tight jeans weren’t of any help, either. She remembered his power between her thighs, inside of her body, moving through her like a raging river. He was awesome, more so than any man she had ever known. She loved and hated being with him, but the lectures were important to her GPA. “Let’s hear the rest of the lectures, grab a quick bite after a while, then go home. I have a lot of work to do. Is that okay with you?”
“Sure.”
Tim could barely keep his eyes off Brandi. She was the only woman he had wanted to be with on an intimate level and that bothered him. Liking her was cramping his style and his career at Madison, yet Brandi consumed him; made him think differently about women for the first time in years.
His mother was busy tossing him into foster homes and blaming him for everything his father did to them. That hurt him, and just thinking back on it made him lose track of the speaker at hand. He had never lost track of what Brandi was doing to his heart, though!
* * *
The drive back was long, and they were both tired. Brandi slept most of the time while he drove, giving him the chance he didn’t want—to concentrate on everything wrong in his life, including her. Their lunch together was fun; they talked about everything, despite the fact that he was the one that wanted to keep it impersonal. Their conversation was stimulating, nothing like how he had thought it would be—around sex and The Entrapment. No, they had steered clear of it, though it still rested in the back of his mind. He admired how eagerly she took in the information she needed to make her papers all they could be. She cherished Madison the way he did, and she was surviving it. That appealed to him. There wasn’t anything about Brandi that didn’t appeal to him. That’s how he knew she would never leave there without her degree. How could he manage without her in his arms? He thought about the invitation from NYU. They’d been after him for years, trying to get him in for an interview. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to hear what they have to say. After really thinking, he knew he still wanted to be a part of Madison and couldn’t imagine leaving. Suffering for two more years can’t be all bad. Or can it?
The minute Brandi heard Outkast being played on the radio, her head lifted. “The Way You Move” reminded her of Tim and how he moved with and on top of her that night. She watched his profile as he drove, liking how he moved his head to the music, loving the idea of waking up next to him. Her voice broke into the calm night air. “You like that song?”
“It has a great beat.”
“You don’t look like the Outkast kind.”
“Looks are deceiving, aren’t they? I didn’t mean to awaken you.”
“I like this song. I like everything by them.”
“So, I don’t look to be the Outkast type, huh? How is someone supposed to look who likes crazy songs?”
“Crazy! You’re the last person I know who looks crazy.”
“You should see me in the mornings after one of my drunken stupors.”
“Do you still do that?”
He fumbled for words then realized it was always best to admit to the truth. “Sometimes.”
“What makes you drink, other than what you told me before about your family?”
“Isn’t that enough?”
“Sure, but you didn’t drink a lot at The Entrapment.”
“I was trying to impress you.”
She turned the music down and moved closer to him. “You’ve impressed me since The Entrapment. I’m even more impressed now. I had no idea you had so much going for you. You’re top dog at Madison, Tim. You know everything.”
“Not everything.” Top dog, huh? How can I leave there now?
The way he sounded made her feel sorry for him. “What happened in your family? I see something in your eyes after lecture.”
“Way too many things to talk about. I never really knew my father. He was gone before I even knew him. My marriage to Charlotte was a joke.”
“How long were you married?”
“Five years. I had just graduated from Princeton when we married, and I’ve been divorced two years. Maybe I was just too immature.”
“I doubt that; any kids?”
“No. No kids allowed after…” He clammed up, not wanting to even discuss what led to the breakup. “Things happened that you wouldn’t understand. We shouldn’t be talking about this anyway.”
“I would like to. We are friends, right?
“No, Brandi, we’re professor and student. We both have to remember that.” He turned off the freeway. “We’re near my house. I would like to give you those notes, and the other papers on Twain.”
She knew why he had changed the subject. That student/teacher thing. She also knew he was tired from a long day, and decided not to push it until he wanted to come to her about it. “I think I’ll need those notes, because your papers are going to kill me.”
“Writing is something you’re good at, Brandi.”
“I know. I’m just lazy.”
He pulled into his driveway. She recognized the house immediately. They sat there a brief moment, silent. He didn’t want to invite her in; students and teachers weren’t to be seen at one another’s houses. They weren’t supposed to share anything but lecture time and nothing more.
Brandi wanted to go in and never come out. Tim spoke first. “Come on in? I don’t want to leave you out here alone. There has been some vandals running around. My trashcan was thrown into my back window and my garage door kicked in.”