A Survivor's Guide to Eternity(73)
“Is that what you felt personally?”
“Yes, for sure. I spent some time feeling that there must have been something up with me and my people for us to have been treated like that. Why else would people act en masse and make us slaves or send us to concentration camps and murder or exploit us? I couldn’t unravel how that could be possible without blaming myself and demeaning my own self worth. Even in the camp whilst I was still alive, I felt that if I acted well and tried to please them then I would stand a better chance. How wrong that was. It was no more than pleading for mercy by compliance. It took a long time once I was here, to balance my thoughts, feelings, sensations and intuitions on the whole thing and stop blaming myself.”
“That can’t have been easy. How on earth did you come to terms with what your father did?” queried Ed, his memory jogged unconsciously by the ‘mummy daddy’ roll that Yedida had used to illustrate the route.
“That was a very difficult one to unravel without self blame. He had been a hard-working man but was always a bit remote from us. He would work every day of the week, only surfacing a bit in the evenings. It meant that we were not that close which I suppose made it easier for him to switch sides like he did. I know he was getting abused for having a black wife and daughter, and his shop had been attacked a couple of times. Maybe he just got sick of being scared and decided to do what he did. Truth is, he was as powerless as a doormat with all the ambition of a napkin.”
“Ha, nice one. Of everything I’ve heard so far though, all the horror stories from various people and all the bad and negative things, this is the thing that disturbs me the most. How could he have abandoned you like that? What a scumbag and coward – if you don’t mind me saying?” replied Ed emotionally.
“No, I don’t mind. It still hurts. I really hope he never arrives here. It is resolved in my mind on the rational side but it would be a hard cross to bear.”
“What happens in situations like that, when people come face to face after an extreme conflict in their human lives?”
“Well one thing’s for sure, if they stay here then they have time on their side to be honest and understand the issues. If they’re reluctant, they usually decide to move on. If they do stay, they have to sit together in a debating group. It can take decades to understand all the complex feelings but as time moves on, things nearly always get resolved.”
“I find it hard to imagine how some situations and relationships could ever be reconciled.”
“Absolutely. It’s sometimes very problematic. There’s hope though, if someone comes to terms with their wrongs and acknowledges them and is at the same time forgiven, or at least understood by their victims. In here, people somehow seem to have more empathy and respect for each other. They’re less selfish and tend to have their perspectives on life more in balance. There are a lot of things that cause conflict in the physical world such as sex, ambition, greed, lust, gluttony, ownership and so on. We simply don’t have that here. Without it, people seem to adjust to one another in a more humane and natural way. Once they’ve been here for a while, they get used to that way of life, making it easier to apologise and forgive or understand, regardless of the misdemeanour.”
“Isn’t it a bit of an over-simplistic or idealistically naive approach?”
“What’s the alternative? Eternal conflict? Civilisation seemed to specialise in never-ending bitter resentments that would fester from generation to generation, destroying people’s hopes and prospects. Surely it’s better to bury the hatchet and move on with a clean slate, don’t you think?”
“Yes, I do. It would obviously be preferable, some sort of redemption at the gates of heaven - not that this is heaven of course.”
“Yes, redemption - but one you have to work for, not just a clean slate for being a disciple of something.”
“Pity that mankind can’t learn from the work you do in here. Such potential as a species but certainly not destined to realise it. Makes me feel almost relieved to be dead. Talking of heaven, don’t some people think they have arrived in heaven when they first arrive?”
“Sometimes. They soon realise it isn’t though when they see who is here. Then we have to convince them it isn’t hell either.”
“Ha, yes. I guess so.” replied Ed as they carried on along the way through the dimly lit vine tunnels.
Chapter 14
ONE, TWO, PUSH
The duo had come to a halt and rested against the vines at a complex intersection. It had been a tiring uphill walk since the tunnel crossing and Ed felt it in his legs. They sat for some while in a calm meditative state, comforted by a reassuring silence. Ed felt the soft thumping of his heart and noticed the delicate exhalations from his mouth passing his dry lips.