He was dazed and confused but before he had time to think, he was off again, tossed like a pancake, feeling like a billiard ball rattling around in an empty suitcase.
This time he came to an abrupt stop, upright and peering out from the opening down towards the stream. In his line of sight was a terrifying looking, colossal paw, black fur at the bottom, beautiful and glossily groomed with light brown and white highlights, symmetrically decorated with fearsome looking whitey-grey sharp claws. Another paw entered the field of vision and they began to get closer.
His head once again pulsated like a squeeze ball in a weight lifter’s fist.
“All right, whatever. Big oaf of a hound, you can’t understand a word I’m saying but I couldn’t care less, you’re doing me a favour. Eat me and just get me out of this ridiculous Alice in bloody arid-land, nightmare. I’m all yours!”
The paws stopped in their tracks, claws retracted and a silence ensued for what seemed like an age.
“You are one of us,” said a voice from outside the enclosure.
Another silence. Ed was dumbfounded. A monstrous sized hound that could speak! It really must be a dream.
“Okay, I give in. I’m obviously asleep, and when I wake up I’ll be in my bed. This is driving me nuts. It’s the worst dream I have ever had!”
“You’ll wake up exactly where you are. Besides that, you don’t have much time. You need to listen to me. I’ve got some important information for you.”
“Great. Two minutes ago I was about to be your dinner, and now you want to have a chat! This is ridiculous,” spluttered Ed.
The hound paused for thought and moved closer, lying down on the ground so Ed could see more of him through the opening. Glossy light brown fur with white trim, moist black button and thick long protuberant black whiskers.
“That was before you spoke. It’s been some while since I spoke to anyone. Come out and we can talk. Anyway, I wasn’t going to eat you,” said the creature.
“Come out so I can be eaten more like!”
“I won’t eat you, just come out.”
Ed was paralysed with bemusement.
“What the hell, if it’s a dream and I get eaten then I’ll wake up. If I get eaten and it’s not a dream than I’ll be out of this hell, and if I don’t get eaten then I’ll be having a conversation with a giant hound; worthwhile in its own right. It’s a no-lose situation!”
Slowly, he began to move closer to the opening and move his head out of the hole, soon bringing into view the terrifying size of this oversized animal.
“Don’t be scared, don’t be scared,” barked the hound. “We have far more in common than you could ever imagine.”
Ed manoeuvred himself out into the open, cautiously but philosophically.
“Crikey, you’re massive, a massive fox!” he gasped as he began to realise exactly what he was dealing with.
“Well, it’s you that’s small rather than me that’s large. I am actually only a medium-sized fox,” replied the fox.
“Well, if six foot two inches is small, then I guess I’m small. It’s all relative, and doesn’t change the fact that you’re enormous,” rebuked Ed.
“Listen, there’s a lot for you to find out. How many days have you been awake? Is it your first time?”
“Well if you mean, ‘is it the first time I have woken up in some sort of surreal arid landscape with oversized vegetation, nearly been killed by a Coke can, had flowers for supper, been put in a tumble dryer by an outsized hound and struck up a conversation with a fox ten times my size,’ then I have to say yes, this is my first time!”
“Ah. Yes, it’s your first time. That’s obvious now. Good that you’ve eaten something though. They don’t always do that. How long have you been in this state?”
“Well I guess it’s around twenty-four hours or so.”
“Have you seen what you look like?”
“Well if you mean do I carry a vanity mirror with me everywhere I go then I have to say no! Also, you might have noticed there are a lack of service stations and toilets with mirrors in the bushes!”
“Well toilets aren’t my main concern. Didn’t you drink from the stream at all? Didn’t you see your reflection?”
“It was getting dark last night. I didn’t notice my reflection. Do I look that bad?”
“No, not that bad, possibly even normal. Let’s go down to the stream and have a drink and get you to see yourself.”
“Is this some sort of trap? Why do you want me to see myself? I know what I look like.”
“Yes, I’m sure you know what you looked like. Let’s go down there.”