Sam tossed the unopened chocolate bar next to the chicken pate and nudged the lettuce over towards Ed.
“Thanks, but how am I going to open this?” he bemoaned as the round green globe finally rested beside him.
“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of that for you. This will all last us until tomorrow. You can’t have any chocolate though. It’ll make you sick.”
“Marvellous. You’re my doctor now as well I suppose. It just so happens I don’t particularly like chocolate so it’s not an issue.”
With this the fox moved over and started snarling and gnawing as his shiny, white teeth tried to rip open the plastic wrapping of the lettuce.
“Well, how on earth did you manage it? I can’t imagine you waltzed into the shop and filled up the box.”
“You’re absolutely right. Truth is I went round the back and rummaged through all the stuff that had been thrown out. There’s some good stuff in there normally, any shop, any town, any country. A lot of waste.”
“Good idea! You’re too clever.”
“Whatever! Anyway, the most difficult thing is nuzzling the box all the way back without being seen.”
“Yeah, I guess it would be. This is better than flowers for me though. I am grateful, thanks,” said Ed, as the fox clasped the outside of the lettuce between his teeth and tossed it from left to right, unravelling the plastic and revealing the tortoise-friendly, tasty meal.
“I’ll need to rip it apart for you. Otherwise you might have a bit of trouble eating it. Don’t worry about catching anything from me. You’ll be dead in a day or two anyway.”
“Ever the optimist,” replied Ed ironically as Sam chomped, dissected and sliced the lettuce with his razor sharp teeth into smaller and smaller pieces for Ed.
“I might as well do the whole thing and then that saves me a job tomorrow,” he gasped, as he gathered the pile of cut lettuce next to Ed in the corner.
“Thanks. This smells really good. I don’t think I ever ate lettuce when I was a human. I missed out on something there. Much better than processed tortoise food.”
Ed turned around and started munching at the leaves. “I don’t suppose you got any napkins did you?”
Sam ignored him as he began tearing at the cardboard cover on the large pot of chicken pate. That still left him the tough plastic shrink wrap to get through before he could get to his tasty meal.
“I’ll have half today and the rest tomorrow,” he said as he finally got into the container, covering his snout, whiskers and black button nose in the surrounding jelly. Eagerly, his long wet tongue came out and swiped around the whole area, nose and all, to clear up the oily mess.
“I love that bit. The jelly is the best. The pate itself is overrated,” he blurted as he dug his teeth and tongue down into the soft mixture in the pot, covering himself once again.
Silence ensued as they respectively consumed their nourishment. Soon they were both in sleepy digestive mode and the evening became night, became day.
Chapter 4
The last supper
Slowly Ed came around, eyes still closed, taking in the soothing snoring sound resonating around the small space. He remained still and calm, scared to move in case he woke into his nightmare once more. How he longed to wake in his nicely decorated bedroom, with feather pillows and pretty wife, go downstairs for coffee and toast and jump out into his car and off to the office. The snoring continued. Maybe it was his wife, maybe everything would be okay. Nervously he engaged his eyelids, raising them like heavy external shutters outside a shop. Soon reality smashed him in the face and there he was staring at the large brown furry fox, the steaming black button vibrating ferociously with every loud snore.
“Oh fuck. Fuck! Fuck! This is too much,” thought the tortoise, once more back in his new reality. The fox was unmoved, motionless apart from the loud expulsions of air that loudly ripped through the lair.
“As if things weren’t bad enough, why does he have to fucking snore? Please help me someone,” exclaimed Ed, looking upwards for divine providence. Sadly for him the fox slept on undisturbed, deafening Ed for what seemed like hours until suddenly coming around with a start.
“Ah good, you’re still here,” stated the fox as he got up onto all four feet, stretching his body out full length before ripping into an exhausted yawn. Ed stared in disbelief into his large mouth with its razor-like, offensive dentures and unpleasant looking tongue.
“Wow, those teeth look really sharp, Sam.”
“I know, that’s ‘cos they are,” replied the fox before adding, “Did you sleep through okay?”