The masseur, Maggu Gopal, a tough, stocky man, was rubbing Pran all over with oil. He was about sixty, had very short-cropped grey hair, and kept up a continuous patter which Pran found very soothing. Pran was lying flat on his stomach on a towel in the verandah, and was wearing only his underwear. The masseur had his sleeves rolled up and was tweaking Pran’s rather scraggly neck muscles in a determined manner.
‘Ai!’ said Pran, wriggling a bit – ‘that hurts.’ He spoke in English, as Maggu Gopal’s patter was entirely in English, except for quotations from Hindi. The magical masseur had been recommended to Pran by a friend, and had agreed to come twice a week. He was rather expensive as masseurs went, but he had massaged Pran half a dozen times, and Pran always felt better after his visits.
‘If you always move, how you will improve?’ asked Maggu Gopal, who was fond of rhyming couplets in his own way.
Pran obeyed and was still.
‘I have been masseur in high circles – Chief Minister Sharma, some High Court judges, two Home Secretaries also, and many Englishmen. And I have a handprint of all these dignitaries. It is all grace of Lord Shiva – you know, the Snake God’ – he felt that Pran, as a teacher of English, needed such explanations – ‘the God of Ganga and of the great Chandrachur Temple which is now ascending daily in Chowk.’
Some pummelling later, he said: ‘This til oil is very good – it has the warming properties. I have rich clients also – many Marwaris of Calcutta know me. They are not taking care of bodies. But I say the body is like finest vintage car, of which there are no spare parts available in the market. Therefore it needs service and maintenance from competent engineer, namely’ – and here he pointed to himself – ‘Maggu Gopal. And you should not care about expense. Would you give your Swiss watch to the incompetent watchman because he charged cheaply? Some people sometimes call servants, like Ramu or Shamu, to do their massage. They think it is in the oil only.’
He paused, boxed Pran’s calves in a businesslike manner, then said: ‘Talking of oil, mustard oil is not good – and is internationally prohibited in massage. It stains also. The pores must breathe. Mr Pran, your feet are cold even in this weather. It is weak nervous system. You think too much.’
‘Yes, I do,’ admitted Pran.
‘Too much education is not good,’ said Maggu Gopal. ‘Ninth standard, non-matric; somehow still I learn the trick.’
He twisted Pran’s head violently and looked straight into his eyes.
‘You see this boil here on your chin – it is a sign – I will not say a sign, an indication – of constipation – a tendency to constipation. All thinking people – that is, I mean, all those who are thinkers – have this tendency. So you must eat papaya twice a day and take a mild laxative tablet – and have tea without milk, with honey and lemon. And you are too dark – like Lord Shiva – but nothing to be done about it.’
Pran nodded in so far as this was possible. The magical masseur released his head, and went on.
‘Thinkers, even if they eat boiled food and light food, will be constipated – their stomachs will not be soft. But your rickshaw-wallahs and servants, even if they eat fried food, will not get it – because they are doing physical labour. Always remember:
Pair garam, pet naram, sir thanda.
Doctor aaye to maro danda!
This saying I have translated for Englishmen:
Cold head, soft tummy, warm feet.
If doctor comes, you may him beat!’
Pran grinned. He was feeling better already. The magical masseur, reacting promptly to his change of mood, asked him why he had been sad.
‘But I was not sad,’ said Pran.
‘No, no, you were sad.’
‘Really, Mr Maggu Gopal.’
‘Then you are worried.’
‘No – no –’
‘It is your work life?’
‘No.’
‘Your married life?’
‘No.’
The magical masseur looked doubtful.
‘I have had some health problems lately,’ admitted Pran.
‘Oh, health problems merely?’ said the magical masseur. ‘That you can leave all to me. Remember, honey is your god. You must substitute honey for sugar always.’
‘Because honey has the warming qualities?’ suggested Pran.
‘Exactly!’ said Maggu Gopal. ‘Also, dry fruits should be taken in plenty, especially pistachio, which is very warming. But you can take assorted dry fruits also. Agreed?’
‘Agreed!’ said Pran.
‘And take hot bath in tub, and also sun bath: sit in sun and face the sun. Recite the Gayatri Mantra.’