But missing Shea?
Missing Shea was a protest. A riot that just wouldn’t sit still.
There was not enough willpower in the world to keep me from coming back to her.
My pulse pounded all around me as I accepted the call.
The image that popped up was a little grainy, the room dusky and illuminated by only a tiny bedside lamp. But the faces? They were unmistakable.
A shock of warm laughter escaped me.
Shea was in Kallie’s twin-sized bed, propped up against her headboard with Kallie pulled close to her chest, the camera held out so I could see them both. Kallie was hugging the giant stuffed butterfly we’d picked up at that arts and craft festival the same way her mom was holding her, squeezing tight with that tiny smile that could conquer kingdoms, all her little white teeth exposed with the force of it. The child’s hair was an utter disaster, chaotic and twisted curls so fucking cute my heart did a complete flip right in the center of my chest.
Shea was smiling, too. But hers was content and tired around the edges, those compassionate eyes soft, soft, soft, like seeing me soothed her in the same way seeing her soothed me.
God, I was in so deep.
Overpowered and overwhelmed.
Suffocating.
And I didn’t ever wanna come up for air.
“Hi, Baz,” Kallie said, precious voice filled with sleep.
I rubbed my palm over my eyes, down my face, trying to clear up and sort out what I was feeling. Then I smiled at these girls who were gazing back at me. “Hi, sweetheart. What are you doing up so late?”
Her little shoulders rose to her ears, like she was both embarrassed and excited. “Momma came in my room and woked me up.”
Shea smiled, snuggling closer to her little girl, their cheeks pressed together, all that blonde becoming one.
Shea pressed a tender kiss to Kallie’s temple, tone light with affection when she spoke. “I snuck in here to give my butterfly kisses when I got home from work, and she thought it was time to wake up.” I couldn’t see it, but somehow I could feel the blush creeping up Shea’s cheeks. “When I told her I saw you tonight, she wanted to call and say goodnight…then she promised she’d go back to sleep. Right, Butterfly?”
“Yep!” Kallie grinned even wider. “You got back from work, Baz?” She said work like wook—pure innocence laced with country—and something significant knotted my gut.
“Yeah, Little Bug, I’m back from work.”
And fuck…saying it? Saying it felt like a promise, a promise that wherever I went I’d be coming back.
“I like when you’re back from work.” She hugged her butterfly, Kallie sweetness and goodness spread across her face. So like her mother.
“I do, too, Kallie.”
“All right,” Shea said, still holding the phone so I could take in them both. “Let me tuck this little thing back in. I’ll call you back in a minute if that’s okay?”
Hope infiltrated her tone.
As if I’d ever again turn her away.
“Yeah…definitely…call me back.”
“G’night, Baz.” A giggle and a grin.
“Night, Little Bug.”
Shea swallowed hard, and I could feel it, the rumble of her storm even in the distance. “Goodbye, Baz,” she whispered, then the call cut off.
I exhaled heavily toward the ceiling, feeling her weight, knowing all those hopes I’d sent up about Shea not hurting like me had been made in vain. I’d felt the scale of it the second I’d seen that gorgeous, tortured face amid the raving crowd earlier tonight. Felt it with every touch and word she’d given me. Sensed it with every hope and reservation shining so brilliantly in her eyes. But I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t take some comfort in it, knowing she needed me just as badly as I needed her.
It took less than five minutes for my phone to vibrate with another FaceTime call. This time when I answered, Shea had her phone in her hand while she was crawling up in that bed that I’d been having fantasies about. The screen jumped around as she moved, jostling across to capture bits of her body, a straight up tease of what was going down in her room. She’d pulled on a fresh white tee, thin fabric gliding down to cover up those slender hips, stopping short to reveal the modest pink panties that were covering up what I was dying to get lost in, miles of long, long legs exposed.
I groaned, and she flopped onto her back, quick to bring the phone up closer so all I could see was that gorgeous face that was blushing right through a sexy grin.
“You trying to kill me, baby?” I asked.
She sucked in her bottom lip, that river of blonde flowing down her pillow.
Want.
Want.
Want.
“I’m about to lose the last shred of my sanity with not being able to touch you.”