A Stone in the Sea(28)

Kallie was all knobby knees, chubby belly, and even chubbier cheeks. Even though she only stood to April’s knees, she still stole all of her attention. “Oh, you’re getting ahead of yourself there, Butterfly. You have to wait a little while until next spring to be five.”

“But that’s so, so close,” Kallie said.

The buzzer dinged, sending Kallie into a flurry of commotion, arms flapping as she hopped around chanting, “Cookies…cookies…cookies.”

“I’ll grab the ice cream,” April offered, digging into the freezer and pulling out the vanilla, while I removed the cookies from the oven. April set out bowls, scooped in ice cream while I placed the hot, oozing chocolate chip cookies on top. And we ate together, grinning, joking around the entire time, while I tried to convince myself that what happened this morning with Sebastian hadn’t cut me deep. All the way down in a secret place I didn’t even know existed.



I pulled the covers up to Kallie’s chin. She wiggled and snuggled into the comfort of her bed. I lightly brushed my nose over hers, and she reached out from the covers and grabbed my head, whispering her eyelashes against mine. “Blutterfly kisses.”

“They’re my favorite kind,” I told her, my heart pressing full.

“Me too!”

I played with one of her ringlets, tugging it straight and letting it bounce back, praying that when I looked at her tonight my smile wasn’t sad. Because never had one day passed when I’d regretted my daughter. Nothing would change that. But there was some kind of unknown sadness that had wound itself into my heart.

I set a kiss on her forehead. “Goodnight, my butterfly.”

Warm brown eyes smiled up at me. “G’night, my mommy.”

Slowly, I stood and crossed her room, paused at the door, and flipped her light switch. It cast shadows around her room. A slice of light from the hallway slanted in to light up her precious cherub face. Her little grin faded, and she scrunched up her nose. “Is dark,” she whispered, like it was a secret she could only share with me.

My voice softened and I craned my head, never speaking truer words. “I won’t let anything bad happen to you, Kallie. Not ever. There’s nothing to be afraid of.” I cast her an encouraging smile. “I’ll leave the door open some and Mommy will be right across the hall if you need me, okay?”

Clutching the top of her covers, she nodded emphatically. Trusting me.

And I would. Nothing would hurt her. Not if I had any say about it. I would run. Hide. Fight. Give up my life if that’s what it took to keep her safe. I just prayed bringing her here would be enough.

“Goodnight, Kallie-Bug,” I murmured again, leaving her door open a crack. Standing outside, I pressed my palm to the wall and blew out a weighted breath, fighting off the nagging sadness that had followed me around all day. I stepped back into the large, open area at the top of the stairs that looked out over the living area below. Downstairs, April was on the couch, her laptop braced on her knees as she typed away.

Even though it was still early, I retreated to my room that was across the landing. I climbed onto my huge, plush bed that I’d never shared with a man, hugged my pillow, and pretended as if the psychological thriller I pulled from my nightstand and squinted at through the muted light from the small lamp could hold my wandering attention.

Ten minutes later, there was a light tapping on the outside of my door. April pushed it partly open and peeked inside. I smiled across at her, a smile that my best friend could see right through.

She pushed it open the rest of the way and propped her shoulder on the doorjamb, head cocked as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Care to tell me what’s been going on with you all day?”

I tossed my book aside. “I don’t know,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes as I sat up against the headboard.

“You don’t know or you don’t want to tell me?”

“I’m not sure there’s really a whole lot to tell you. It’s just…” I looked toward the ceiling as if it held an answer before I turned back to her with a shrug. “Men are all the same, exactly the way I expected them to be.”

“I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess this has something to do with the guy you snuck off with the other night? You know, the one you promised to fill me in on and then dodged my questions like they were the plague?”

Her brows lifted so high that they disappeared under her blunted dark brown bangs.

I groaned, a sound that was meant to sound bored and uninterested, but it only reflected my pain. April took that as her cue and came to sit at the foot of my bed, her legs criss-crossed.