A Spring Deception (Seasons Book 2)(26)

Those words had haunted her all of last night. But by confessing, she had erased them from her soul. She wasn't like Gregory Fitzgilbert. She wouldn't use the man she loved, she wouldn't trap him with a version of herself that didn't truly exist.

"Celia … " Aiden's voice was rough. "I don't understand."

"I know." She drew her hands away and got to her feet. Now was the time to give him everything. To lay herself bare and hope he could still feel something for her in the end. "And Rosalinde will be back soon, so I know I must explain quickly. Do you know anything of our story? Our past?"

He shifted slightly, and she recognized the answer. Of course he had researched her. As a duke, he would want a good pedigree in his bride.

"I suppose, though, that you only know the public version of who I am, who my family is."

"The public version," he repeated slowly.

"Everyone in Society believes that while my mother was spending an extended time with her aunt, she met and married a gentleman and they swiftly had two children, Rosalinde and me. But then she and her husband died in an accident, leaving us to our grandfather's care."

Aiden nodded. "Yes, that's the story I've heard. Is there another?"

She pinched her lips together. "Oh yes. There is that story and then there is the truth. My grandfather was and is a horrible, horrible man. Abusive to everyone he can reach, lashing out at the simplest slight. I don't know what my mother endured, but it was enough that she fell in love and ran away with a servant from his house."

Aiden stood. "A servant?"

His tone was unreadable beyond surprise, and she watched him closely as she continued. "Yes. They fled from my grandfather and never married. Gray presumes that is because the reading of the bannes might have revealed their location to Fitzgilbert and put them in danger. So, my first confession to you is that my father was no gentleman. And the second is that I am the bastard daughter of no gentleman."         

     



 

Aiden's face was still indecipherable. He revealed nothing, but he never looked away from her. Like he was judging every nuance, every word, every motion.

"But you said you made a bargain with your grandfather. What does that mean?" he asked.

"This leads to my third … well, it isn't a lie exactly, but a betrayal." She turned away from his focused attention and tried to keep the terror and guilt from her voice as best she could. "My sister and I grew up believing our mother and father had died together. But when I came of age, my grandfather told me the truth. My father didn't die in an accident. My mother died birthing me, but my father lives still."

Aiden stepped toward her. "What? Then why would he let such a bastard take you?"

She spun on him. "I don't know. He was a servant with no resources and two daughters he hadn't married to claim. My grandfather was rich and powerful and cruel. I have to hope that Fitzgilbert simply swept in and took us, leaving our father little choice but to let us go. Either way, that is what truly happened. My father is alive and the only person in this world that knows his true identity is my grandfather. Long ago, he promised to reveal that identity only after I … after I … "

"What, Celia, what did he require you do?" Aiden asked.

She squeezed her eyes shut to calm herself before she opened them and looked him in the eye. "After I married a title. Hence, my engagement to Stenfax. He needed my grandfather's money, I needed his title for access to the truth. And he is a good man, but I never felt anything for him."

For the first time since she began pouring her heart out to him, Aiden smiled slightly. "And the broken engagement?"

"Another fiction," Celia sighed, realizing perhaps for the first time, just how filled with lies her life was. "Rosalinde and Gray truly did fall madly in love."

"Anyone with eyes can see that."

"But Stenfax and I didn't step aside to appease my grandfather. Exactly the opposite, actually. Rosalinde tried to stop our marriage because she could see I didn't love him, nor him me, and she wanted me to have a chance at happiness, true happiness. When she did, our grandfather viciously attacked her."

Aiden jolted. "He attacked her? Physically?"

Celia began to shake as she remembered that horrible day just a few months before. "Yes," she whispered. "He tried to choke her to death in a rage. Gray's swift action is the only reason he didn't succeed. The claim of our stepping aside for the love of Rosalinde and Gray was made to reduce the scandal caused by the spectacle."

"Because people saw the physical altercation between Danford and Fitzgilbert," Aiden mused. "I wondered what would cause such a thing. But if your grandfather threatened your sister … "

"Yes. That is poking a lion. Gray would die to protect her. And I can't be sorry it all happened, for it allowed my sister great happiness. Besides, the breaking of my engagement was for the best. After all, I met you. But I … I … still want to know who my father is."

Aiden nodded immediately, although she couldn't believe for a moment that he actually understood that drive. Not when he had been raised with family and privilege.

"Of course you do," he said. "I assume Danford has looked into that for you since you came here."

"Far and wide. Stenfax has even helped."

He stiffened, and she took a step toward him. "I assure you, we are only friends. Better friends now that we aren't to marry. But neither of them has found out anything. My grandfather wove his lies and secrets so tightly that they seem impossible to pick apart."

"You need a different instrument to do so," he murmured, almost more to himself than to her.

"What?" she asked, cocking her head.

He moved forward. "You went to him because of me," he said. "Our courtship was enough to make you think you might have new leverage with a man so greedy for a title."

Her lips parted. He said those words and they sounded even worse coming in his voice. She covered her face with both hands.

"Yes," she admitted on a broken whisper. "That is exactly what I did, Aiden. I made promises that he would have access through you, that if you and I wed that it would mean he'd have more power than even if I'd married Stenfax. But the moment I did it, I know how wrong it was. He said … "

She trailed off with a sob that seemed to tear at her heart it was so painful.

"What did he say?" Aiden pressed.

She swallowed past the lump of emotion in her throat. "He said I was like him, and it was true. In that moment, I was willing to trade you for Fitzgilbert's secrets, and that was unfair. Cruel. I can't do it, Aiden. So I had to tell you everything, everything, even though I know it will likely change your opinion of me."         

     



 

She dared to look at him. His face was a mask of pain and frustration, and her stomach flipped. He did judge her for this, just as he should. It was evident he was shocked and horrified by everything she'd said.

"Celia," he said after what seemed like an eternity. "I'm glad you felt like you could reveal everything to me, for it helps me understand your pain. Perhaps it will even help me ease it. But as for my opinion of you, this changes nothing."

Her eyes went wide and she couldn't help but take a staggering step toward him. "It doesn't?"

"Of course not." He reached out and touched her face, tracing the line of her jaw with a fingertip. "Don't you know how much I-" He cut himself off and his body tensed. "-care for you?"

She smiled, but the fact that he'd cut himself off stung. She'd hoped he would admit he loved her, as she loved him. But care was good. Care was something. Perhaps she could love enough for both of them.

"And you don't hate me for offering you up to him?" she asked.

"Of course not." Now he cupped her face in his palm, drawing her closer. He bent his head and his lips feathered across hers.

She wrapped her arms around him, drawing him closer, letting his warmth flow around her and comfort her. His reassurance and acceptance made her so happy that she thought she could burst.

He drew back at last and tilted her face up so she was forced to look at him. His expression was intense. "Listen to me, Celia. I will use all my resources to help you."

"But Gray-"

"I'm sure Danford did his best, but he hasn't the connections I do. But you must never go to Fitzgilbert again, do you understand? If he was willing to physically harm your sister, I must assume you'll also be in great danger if you are alone with him. So promise me, Celia. Please."

She nodded slowly. "I won't. I promise."

"Good." He dropped another kiss to her lips before he drew away, leaving her cold in his wake. "Now I must go. There are things for me to do and arrange now that I fully understand the situation at hand. I'll see you again soon, though."

Celia followed him into the foyer, and they watched as Greene went to call for his horse. In the brief moment they were alone, she sidled up to him and slid her hands through his.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He looked down at her. "For what?"

"For understanding. And for taking such good care of me, though I don't deserve it."