“What? I can’t believe you’re saying this. That’s not what I want.”
“Really? Are you sure about that, Cat? I’m saying it because I see what you don’t. William really cares about you.” Beckett nodded even as I shook my head. “You’re torturing him. And what you’re doing to him isn’t fair. “
“What I’m doing isn’t fair? Like he tells me everything? Why are you defending him anyway? You’re supposed to be on my side.”
Beckett grabbed my shoulders lightly. “You are such an idiot sometimes.”
“Let go!”
He ignored me. “There are no sides, don’t you see that? I’m trying to help you understand how lucky you are.” He shook me gently. “Do you get how lucky you are? I mean, most of us struggle to find love just once. But you—” He released me and stepped away, then pointed at me accusingly. “You’ve got a second chance! What are you thinking? That the third time will be the charm? I don’t think those odds are very good.”
I shook my head. My thoughts were spinning now, moving wildly. Beckett was starting to make a lot of sense. And what did that say about me? That I was an idiot? That I was selfish? But maybe, I thought, because I had found love before I knew how it should feel, what it should be. “I do think I’m lucky,” I said to Beckett.
“Well, hallelujah! An epiphany,” he sang mockingly.
I scowled at him. “But that doesn’t mean I have to excuse William when he completely shuts me out.”
Beckett put his head in his hands and shook it. “Shut up! Just shut up, Cat. Your issue is that he’s keeping secrets? So what? We’re all adults, Cat. We all have pasts. We all have baggage. You don’t hold the exclusive rights to that.”
“And I’ve shared a lot of my shit with him, Beckett. All I get from him is him telling me I have to trust him. If this relationship is going to work, he has to trust me. Shouldn’t that be a priority in any relationship?”
Beckett folded his arms across his chest. “You want to talk priorities. Okay. Have you ever wondered what William Lambourne does all day? I mean, how exactly does a billionaire noted financier, philanthropist, vintner, restaurateur, and man about town spend his days?”
I could see where this was going, and I took a step back. My knee hit the couch, and I sat down hard.
“Working, Cat. Working. He’s got a lot of shit going on. Shit you couldn’t possibly know about. But you’re not a priority, right?”
I looked away.
“You know he’s done nothing but make you a priority in his life since the moment he met you. And what’s your response? You whined because he left you alone in his fabulous Napa Valley mansion for two days. With staff! I mean, cry me a river, Cat. He’s told you time and time again that he hasn’t felt like this with anyone else, ever, but that’s not enough for you. What does he need to do to make how he feels about you any clearer? I mean, for God’s sake, Cat, he took you to meet his family. It’s pretty apparent to just about everyone else that you are his top priority.”
I sat back and closed my eyes. I didn’t know if Beckett was right or not, but he’d definitely hit a nerve. I felt awful. I bit my lip to keep tears from falling and ruining my make up, and when I finally felt as though I had control, I opened my eyes. Beckett was kneeling in front of me.
“I’m saying this because I love you. You know that, right?”
I nodded. I knew Beckett loved me, and I knew he was saying what he thought I needed to hear.
“If your friends can’t tell you the truth, who can?”
I nodded again.
Beckett’s arms came around me, and he pulled me into a hug. “I just want you to be happy. It’s okay to choose happiness, Cat. No matter what you do, there’s always going to be risk. You just can’t let that hold you back anymore.”
Beckett rose and looked down at me. “Sorry if I upset you before your meeting with Hutch. You’re going to be great.”
I smiled weakly and nodded a third time, then watched as Beckett made his way to the door, exited, and closed it with a quiet click. This was not the morning I’d expected.
Laird came and put his head on my knee. I petted him and gave him a quick hug, heedless of the dog hair getting on my clothes. I felt pretty shitty about everything at the moment—my relationship with William, Beckett, my past. Even my future wasn’t looking too great. “We’ll go for a long walk later, okay?” I told Laird as I scratched him behind the ears.
I wished I could just lie on my couch for the rest of the day and sulk, but right now I had to get moving. I didn’t want to drive and mess with parking, which meant I had to hurry to catch the L if I was going to make it to my appointment with Hutch on time.