A Sip of You(86)

“Honey, someone’s gotta tell you like it is and stop you from leaving the house looking like a retiree gearing up for a hot night of bingo. That’s my job, and I won’t ever let you down.” He smiled broadly. “But you don’t need me this morning, Miss Thing. You did this all on your own, and I don’t think you can help it if you break a few hearts today. You look great, Cat. Hutch Morrison’s jaw is going to hit the floor when he meets you. Oh yeah.”

As hot as Hutch Morrison was, I wasn’t trying to attract him. Much. “Maybe I should go with pants and a sweater instead?” I said. “I do want him to look at my work, not me.”

Beckett shook his head, making his way into my condo. “No way. He’s already seen your work, and he’s impressed. Now he wants to meet you. Trust me, Hutch Morrison is a real charmer, a ladies’ man. You’ll get further with him if he thinks you’re hot.” He glanced around my living room, a scowl crossing his face. “Cat, you haven’t even touched the mail I piled up for you when you were in Napa.”

I looked at the coffee table. “That’s not true. I put more mail on top of it.” I waved a hand. “I’ll go through it later. I’ve been busy. You know, with my lover and everything. I’m sure you can relate.”

Beckett had been about to sit on my couch, but he paused. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It just means you’ve been pretty busy yourself lately. You know, with your new boyfriend and your big secret, you haven’t had much time for me.”

I knew the moment I said it that it was the wrong thing to say. Beckett’s smile faded, and his eyes turned hard. “Seriously, Cat? You’re calling me selfish?”

I bristled. “And you’re not? How many times have you cancelled on me in the last week or so? I had to order pizza for William last night after you bailed on helping me cook.”

“Poor William. That must have been horrible for him.”

“It wasn’t, because we got in a fight and he left before eating it.”

“Of course you did. More Cat drama to add to the mountain. Grow up, Catherine. If anyone is selfish, it’s you.”

“Excuse me? How am I selfish? I ask about your life all the time. I care about you. You’re the one who won’t share with me. You’re the one with the big secret you can’t tell me. I don’t keep secrets from you, Beckett.”

“And we’re back to you.” Beckett ran a hand through his hair. “Guess what, Cat? Not everything is about you. How many hours of my life do you think I’ve spent listening to your problems? I’ve heard you go over the thing that happened with Jeremy a thousand times. At least!”

My jaw dropped. “Well, maybe after Jace died, you should have just told me to snap out of it and I wouldn’t have gotten together with Jeremy in the first place!”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Jace dying was a big deal, Cat, but the thing with Jeremy wasn’t. It’s long over and done with. Why are you still holding on to it?”

“I’m not.” But my face must have betrayed me because Beckett raised a brow.

“Oh really? What did you and William fight about last night?”

“Fuck you,” I said. Sometimes I hated it when Beckett was right.

“That’s what I thought. This Jeremy thing has never been the big deal you think it is, Cat. You’ve turned it into something it’s not so you can feel bad about it and give yourself another reason why you don’t deserve to be happy.”

I stood there, stunned, breathing hard and feeling my chest constrict. I clenched and unclenched my fists as I kept my gaze on Beckett. There was no hint of a smile on his face, and I could tell he was really angry with me. I was mad too. It had been a long time since we’d had a fight like this.

Beckett was standing right in front of me now, his eyes blazing, his body tight with tension. “You complain about William not opening up, but you know what Jeremy is? He’s the excuse you use to keep yourself closed off, to keep yourself emotionally protected. You’re terrified of anyone knowing the real you. The real you who makes mistakes but doesn’t think she deserves forgiveness. The real you who can’t admit she wants to be loved.”

“That’s not true,” I whispered. But it was. I knew, deep down, that Beckett was right. He always saw straight through me.

“It is true. You spend so much time convincing yourself that you’re so awful and that you don’t deserve to be loved that you push the people who do love you away. You know what I think? If you really think that way about yourself, then you should spare us all the pain of prolonging this relationship and end it with William Lambourne now.”