A Sip of You(74)

“Ok—if you think you have time.”

“I have time.” He stood and headed for the guest room, presumably to shower. “You know, I could just blow off the conference. We could spend the whole day together.”

I was getting a sick feeling in my stomach that there wasn’t any conference, but I didn’t want to call Jeremy on it yet. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was jumping to conclusions.

“Let’s just focus on breakfast for now. I’m starving.”

Jeremy got ready and then we walked the few blocks to Toast, which was the best breakfast spot in Lincoln Park and had the most incredible stuffed French toast. We ordered and chatted about the weather and Chicago in winter. Or, more accurately, I listened as Jeremy bitched about how fucking cold it was. “Jace would have hated it here,” Jeremy said. “He hated being cold.”

“It takes a while to get used to it.”

“You really like it here?” he asked.

“I do.”

“I always thought you were a California girl through and through. You surfed like you were born on a board.”

We chatted some more and even though it was still awkward, Jeremy wasn’t a bad guy. He really wasn’t, and I had always liked him. I could admit now that I missed having him in my life. Jace and I had hung around with Jeremy a lot. Even though the two brothers had very different personalities, they were best friends, and Jeremy was the one other person who had known Jace as well as I had.

“Was Napa the first time you’d been back since you moved? Your parents are both still in Santa Cruz, right?”

“They’re still there. I should visit more, but it’s hard for me to be there,” I said. “I miss Jace when I’m there. I miss him here, but it’s worse when I’m there.”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I get that. Sometimes I drive by the beach or a restaurant, and I remember a day we surfed or a meal we ate. Guess you don’t have to deal with all the landmarks here.”

I shook my head. It was easy to forget that other people missed Jace as much as I did. I wished Jeremy and I could have been there for one another—really been there. I wished we hadn’t fucked everything up with sex.

But we had, and as nice as it was to talk about Jace with someone, something was off. The law conference was obviously bullshit.

“Want to tell me why you’re really in Chicago?” I asked as he finished his eggs.

His eyes, so much like Jace’s, met mine. “You know why, Cat. When I saw you in Napa, it was like…” He frowned and ran a hand through his hair. “I still have feelings for you and I think you still have feelings for me too.”

He looked at me again, the question on his face. I shook my head. “No, Jeremy. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He began to rise.

“Jeremy, wait. Let me explain, okay?” I felt the sting of tears and sipped my coffee to give myself a moment as he waited for me to compose myself. “Jace was my everything. Those first months after he was gone, I was really messed up. I was hurting so badly, and you were so kind. But what happened between us never should have happened. It was wrong and I’ve regretted it every day since. It wasn’t fair to you. I wasn’t fair to you.”

He was staring at me with hurt in his eyes. I had to make sure he understood. I wouldn’t keep hurting him. “I don’t love you, Jeremy. I never did. Not like that. There never was an us and, deep down, I know you know that. And there’s never going to be. Ever. I’m so sorry I hurt you. Really, really sorry. It was the last thing I ever wanted to do. You deserved a goodbye from me at the very least and the way I cut you off and stopped talking to you was pretty cruel. I know that. I’m so sorry.”

Jeremy’s face was expressionless. This was so uncomfortable, but I couldn’t stop now. “I just want you to move on and be happy, and I want to love you like a brother.”

He snorted. “A brother.”

“Yes. I’ve always felt that way about you. Besides, I’m in love with someone else.”

“William?”

“Yes, William.”

“You’re sure?”

“One hundred percent.”

“Well, good for you. And him,” Jeremy said, slumping back in the booth and sighing in resignation. “I had to try, you know? But I get it. Way to let a guy down easy, Cat,” he smirked, “but thanks for being honest. I needed to hear it.”

“I wish I’d been brave enough to tell you before.”

“Me too. But you’ve told me now, so I’ll get out of your way. I’ll head back to San Francisco on the next flight.”