A Shade of Dragon 2(57)

“Leave me be,” he commanded, standing and drifting toward the bathing quarters of the suite. “I must be alone with my thoughts.”

But he didn’t need to be alone; I knew that much. He didn’t need to physically remove himself from me.

He was already gone.





Theon





I sighed and sank into the bathtub; my natural heat was the only thing which brought the water to a steam. The pipes themselves were frigid, and would only expel water likewise.

I tried to let my mind clear, but I could not. The corridors of my mind were crowded with banshees, wailing of loss. My father, publicly decapitated, and my brother, missing, and my mother, left behind to organize the remainder of the kingdom. We were now outnumbered by the ice dragons, and the astrolabe was in their hands… No soak could wash these woes from me. The only thing I had left was Penelope, and I couldn’t even properly love her in this amount of pain, and doubt, and even fear.

I had seldom seen the face of fear until now. It was not until Nell and I had returned to The Hearthlands to find them shrouded in a perpetual winter that I had first tasted the acidic potion of anxiety and depression. And now I could not shake its mantle from my shoulders. Things just got worse, and worse, and worse.

And Nell… she was the only thing I had left. My companion. My lover. My wife.

What would I do if they took her from me, too?

I stared at the ceiling, the faucet dripping. In the other room, through the ajar door, I could faintly hear Penelope preparing for bed. Faithful Penelope. Just Penelope. Innocent Penelope.

And someone like that… someone who would deviate from her path to offer help to a wounded stranger, someone who would follow the cries of a child into the wilderness… was an easy target for the ice people. My jaw tightened as I thought of how Lethe must have played on her sympathies, hinting at his history as an abused child—like every other ice dragon was—and masterfully manipulating her tenderness—like every other ice dragon would.

The bath water began to bubble around me. My jaw clenched as I thought of the lot of them. Gutless and heartless and wicked.

And Nell—she was just a human. She didn’t have the thick hide of a dragon, fire or otherwise. She couldn’t withstand this climate. She couldn’t do battle with the versatility of my kin, and was relegated to ground combat and to melee forces. As much as I loved her, and desperately wanted her by my side, as much as we were two halves of one whole… I could not deny her vulnerability. And any ice dragon, even one who “loved” her, would take advantage of that. Even Lethe, who had claimed her as his bride-to-be, had stalked toward her in the fire shelter as if he was going to kill her. Any of them would kill her if they had the chance, even Lethe.

The bathtub was bubbling just thinking about it. My last hope. My one love. And they would snuff out her delicate flame. It wouldn’t even mean anything in the tumult of war—it would be symbolic at best—but no ice dragon would be able to stop—

“Theon?”

Nell’s voice brought me from the deep trance into which I’d fallen. The steaming water settled as my concentration broke.

Nell nudged open the bathroom door and observed me, steeped in the tub of smoldering water.

“Hey.” She bit her lip and averted her eyes; I didn’t blame her. I wasn’t the most approachable just now. “Are you—” She hesitated before finishing the question, realizing its ignorance. “I mean, is everything—” Again, there was nothing she could say which would make any sense. Of course I was not all right. Of course everything wasn’t okay. What did she want from me? “I just wanted to check on you,” she finished in a rush.

I realized with a thrum of compassion that she was on the verge of tears.

“I am fine,” I promised her. And in a way, it was true. Because it had only taken a split second to make the decision, and now that the threshold had been crossed, I felt lighter. I no longer felt doomed. She was the key. I only needed to keep her in a safe place. “I have been ruminating on the strategic movements ahead of us, and realized that there is one paramount gesture I must make, and it cannot wait until the morning.”

“Can I come with you?” she asked, after considering her words for a moment.

“I cannot go without you,” I said.

After the hot bath, my muscles were at least loose enough for the necessary transformation. I packed my leather satchel with a change of clothing and requested that Penelope place it around my neck afterward. I explained to her that while taking flight in the city was dangerous, it was unlikely that they would recognize me—or even be at high alert, it seemed as of late—in the nighttime hours. “Even if they do, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is completing this mission. Once this is done… we can be certain of our victory, love.”