“I’ve never had a chance to let it matter. So now, maybe we can both have it. Even if it’s just for a while.” She choked on a sob. “Please don’t make me marry a man I don’t want without ever knowing what it’s like to be with one I do want. And before you say anything, it’s you I want. Not just the experience. I could have had both of those men at the casino. A half a dozen others before them if I’d been motivated to pursue them. I didn’t. But you, you’re worth me … putting myself out here like this. I’m risking a lot here. But it’s worth it.”
His fingers curled against her hips as he tightened his hands into fists, still holding her near him. He closed his eyes and looked away, pain, need, etched into every line of his face. “I have done all that I could do to be an honorable man. To honor my wife. To stay true to my vows. And still, even since her death, I have not taken a lover. And you are the last woman that I should want. But God help me I want you.” It was prayer more than it was a curse. As though he was truly appealing for help from a higher power.
He took a sharp breath. “I desire you so much that my body shakes when I think of you. I have denied myself, denied my desires, for so long and you … you make me wish I didn’t care. That I didn’t have to choose between right and want.” He looked up at her, his eyes blazing with heat. “For the first time, I choose want. And I want you, Princess Evangelina Drakos.”
CHAPTER NINE
“BE sure,” he said, watching her eyes, trying to get a read on her thoughts. “Because if this starts …” He wouldn’t be able to stop. Although, admitting that out loud was close to torture.
He prided himself on his control. And his control was iron. He’d proven it on more than one occasion. But he was about to let it go now. To release his hold on it completely. And once he did that, he wasn’t certain how long it would take for him to grasp it again.
He’d spent his life clinging to it. Trying to do the right thing by Marina, to marry her before consummating their relationship. Waiting longer, while he cared for a wife. While he turned down the advances of every woman who gave him a coy look or an overt invitation.
Waiting still because he really hadn’t figured out how to rejoin the world of the living. Not after so many years.
And now, now his limit had been reached. A beast inside him had been unleashed.
It was easy to imagine it was because he had allowed it to be set free. But he knew it was truly because of Eva. Because she appealed to something in him that went beyond simple arousal. She was like him in so many ways, bound by circumstances she couldn’t control.
But she fought against them. She fought with power, with wit. Bravery. She didn’t think twice about challenging him.
About seducing him, even though he was certain she was a virgin.
She had fire in her. And he only had cold stone. Just for a while, for a moment, he wanted to be warm. To be with her.
“I’m sure,” she said. She lowered herself onto his lap and he put his hands on her waist. She dipped her head to kiss him.
“Wait,” he said, his throat tight. She looked shocked, but froze in place. “I just want to look at you for a moment. To know that tonight, you’ll be mine.” He moved his hands through her thick, dark hair, finally able to relish the feel of the silken curls.
Guilt had no place in things tonight. Tomorrow, it would be there. It always was. Guilt was his constant companion, gnawing at him always, the reasons varied, but ever-present.
Not tonight.
Tonight there was only Eva. Only his desire for her. Needs that would finally be met.
Her lip trembled and he leaned forward and kissed her lightly. Eva melted into him, her breasts pressing against his chest, her curves melding to him as she gave herself over to the kiss. And he allowed himself to relish it. Her tongue, smooth and hot, her lips so soft and sweet, perfect.
He was dying to touch her. To explore those soft, feminine curves, so different from his own body. This was what he was made for, a part of himself he had denied for so long. He reached behind her and took the zipper on her dress between his thumb and forefinger, sliding it down slowly, savoring the action. Savoring the experience of undressing a woman who was so alive. So responsive.
It was a beautiful dress, one that had kicked his libido into high gear the moment she’d come down for dinner. But it wasn’t enough. He wanted more. All of her, without any fabric covering her luscious golden skin. Without anything between them at all.
He tugged the top of her dress down slowly, revealing more of her rounded breasts with each shift of fabric. His breath stopped completely when the top fell down around her stomach and revealed a thin black lace bra that showed hints of erect, caramel-colored nipples beneath the flimsy fabric.
He lowered his head and kissed the curve of one breast, a sharp shock of need piercing him in the gut, making his erection pulse.
Arousal stabbed him, hot and fierce, a rush of desire overwhelming him for a moment. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. Yes, he was letting go of his control. And yes, in many ways, this night was for him.
But it was hers too. And he would be damned if it was anything less than perfect for Eva. If she was anything less than satisfied.
“You are incredible,” he rasped, raising his head so that he could look at her face. She was exquisitely beautiful. High cheekbones, a strong, rounded nose, full lips. There was nothing generic about her, nothing forgettable. She would be burned into his mind, his body, forever.
“I’ll bet you say that to all the women,” she said.
He felt his muscles tense, his fingers curling into her back. There was no easy way to have the conversation they would have to have tonight. But she was owed his honesty. She was giving him her body, and she deserved to know.
This was the conversation he’d never wanted to have. And yet, somehow, with Eva, it didn’t seem so impossible.
“There have been no other women.” He watched her face, waiting for his words to sink in, for her to understand. Waiting to see if she would be horrified. If she would want to stop.
Her dark eyes widened. “That’s not possible.”
“It is. When you’re married for over ten years to a wife who is incapable. And when you refuse to violate your marriage vows, no matter what.”
“And for the past year?”
“I haven’t been ready to seek anyone out. I haven’t wanted anyone.” He touched her face, traced the line of her brow, her nose, her lips. “Until you.”
Her dark eyes glistened, a tear spilling over and dropping down her cheek, landing on his hand. “Why?”
“You’re the only woman who’s ever made me feel like I didn’t want to be controlled anymore,” he said, the words not coming easily. “You are … fire, Eva. So hot beneath my hands. Lust I can deny, I have, for years. This is more than that. But I understand if you don’t want to be with me now.”
“Why?” she breathed. “Why would I not want you?”
“I’m not a playboy. Not a man who can give you the benefit of much practiced skill.” He tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Most would see it as a weakness.”
“Then most people are foolish. It takes strength to do what you’ve done. Any man could have stayed with his wife while continuing to live his own life. While continuing to make sure his wife’s needs were met. What you’ve done … you made a choice. A hard choice. You kept your commitments. I didn’t think it was possible, but I want you even more now.”
He let out a breath. “A relief, for sure.”
She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I think you are the best man I’ve ever known. A real man.”
“I’ll confess, I lack hands-on experience. However, I can dismantle a bomb in under sixty seconds. That requires skill, dexterity, concentration. I’m sure I can apply it.”
She laughed and his heart missed a beat. “I never doubted you for a moment.”
He lowered his head again, tracing the line where lace met flesh, just above her nipple. A short, muffled sound of pleasure escaped Eva’s lips and he reveled in the response.
He reached around and unhooked her bra, finally seeing her uncovered for the first time. He’d seen naked women. He’d seen Marina’s body many times while taking care of her.
This was different. Different than a photograph or movie. Different than a woman walking by on a topless beach. Different than caring for someone whose body was present, but who no longer had her mind.
“More beautiful than I ever could have imagined,” he said, cupping her flesh in his hands, brushing her taut nipples with his thumbs. She let her head fall back, and she didn’t bother to contain the her exclamation of pleasure this time.
He kept his eyes locked with hers as he dipped his head and circled one tightened bud with the tip of his tongue. Her body shuddered over his, and it echoed through him, reverberating along every line, every muscle, creating a deep, pulling pleasure in his groin.
He sucked harder in response and she gasped, her fingers digging into his shoulders. He raised his head. “Good?”
“Yes. Good…. good doesn’t describe it.”
Then he scooped her up in his arms and she looped hers around his neck, delicate fingers moving through his hair as he walked from the dining room to the living area and up the stairs.