“So this will be an experience then,” he said dryly, turning to leave her room.
“I still won’t be alone. I’ll be … alone with you,” she said.
His stomach tightened. He didn’t want to be aware of that. He already was, but having her say it out loud made it even more stark, even harder to ignore. That they would be the only two in the house after Liesel and Jan left for the night felt like too much to manage, at least at the moment. He would get a grip on his control again, but until then, the image was troubling.
“You can’t be alone with someone,” he said.
“Just the two of us then. That feels …” she trailed off, looking away. It didn’t help that her thoughts seemed to be straying in the same direction.
He didn’t know exactly how innocent Eva was, but he could guess. He had a feeling it was contributing to just how much she was betraying. That he could read her thoughts, that he could guess just what it felt like to her to find herself secluded in a house with him.
Because he felt it too.
He had practice resisting the need for sex. Had it in spades. He doubted there were many men on the planet who hadn’t taken vows to the church with as much experience in the matter. Still, she made it seem hard, when for years it had seemed like little more than a mild annoyance.
He’d grown used to it. Blocking it out. And when that became impossible at night when his entire body cried out for release, he was adept at taking care of it alone, quickly, precisely. He’d spent hours in the gym, running along the beach at the home he’d shared with Marina, so that when night came, he could fall into bed and sleep like the dead the moment his head hit the pillow. It had never been enough, but it had been manageable. Until Eva.
“I promise you, printzyessa, I will never take advantage of you. I’ve promised to protect you, I made a promise to your father, and now I make the same promise to you. I will not break that vow.” And now that he’d spoken it, it was reinforced. There was no going back on it. Ever.
She looked at him, dark eyes wide, filled with emotion. Filled with everything. They were windows into her, letting him see just how young and open she still was. How unscarred by the things of the world.
How easy it would be to hurt her. To damage all of that sparkle, all of that soft, sweet beauty. He curled his hands into fists, so rough and scarred from living the kind of life Eva couldn’t possibly imagine. Touching her would be a cruelty.
“I never thought you would,” she said.
“Then you are truly naive,” he said, his tone rough, unrecognizable even to himself. He hadn’t given himself permission to speak the words, to betray so much. “I’m only a man after all.”
She took a step toward him, and he took a step back. “I never took you for anything else,” she said. She extended her hand and took another step. This time he didn’t move back. He dared her to follow through with what she was starting. He didn’t believe she would.
She took another step toward him, resting her hand lightly on his chest, right over his heart. “Just as I thought,” she said. “Not a machine at all. You even have a heartbeat.”
He put his hand over hers, held it to his chest. He felt as though he was starving for contact, a connection. For touch. Her touch. His heartbeat sped up beneath their hands and he dropped his hold on her, the realization of crossing a line hitting him a beat too late.
“I never thought you’d do anything to take advantage of me,” she said softly, her fingers flexing against his chest. Testing him. Torturing him.
“Then your imagination is sadly lacking,” he said.
He could feel his control slipping, feel himself losing hold of everything. Of honor. Of reality. Of everything but the raging desire that was pouring into him.
“You’re offended that I imagined you would be honorable?” she asked slipping her hand from beneath his and crossing her arms beneath her breasts, drawing his eyes to them again.
He reached out and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her against his body. He lowered his head, stopping with his lips just a breath from hers. “I am not a eunuch.”
Her dark eyes widened, plump lips parted. “I never thought you were.”
He moved his head closer. He could feel her breath on his mouth, tempting him to take a taste. A shudder moved through his body. Need. Desire. Stronger than he’d ever felt them. His grasp on his control so much more tenuous than it had ever been. Because of Eva. “Then don’t assume I’m somehow above the needs of a man. Don’t assume that simply because a tiger has been put in a cage, he doesn’t want to eat you.”
She angled her face, putting their lips even closer, her dark eyes glittering. Challenging. Utterly Eva. “I’m gratified to hear it.”
He released her and stepped back. “As it is, I’m currently caged.”
She tilted her chin up, her expression defiant. “I’m sure we’re both better for it.”
“No doubt.” He moved to the door, ignoring the rage and need that was coursing through him like a current, ready to overflow the confines of a river bed. “Dinner?”
“I thought you’d never ask. I’m starving.”
Eva had never been more grateful to have a large piece of furniture between her and someone else. What had passed between her and Mak upstairs had left her shaking. And wanting more.
She took a sip of her soup and devoted a lot more concentration to watching the spoon as she pulled it away from her lips and set it back down into the bowl. Then she devoted a lot more attention than anyone not cooking the soup needed to devote to the rich red color of the broth. Anything to avoid looking at Mak.
She’d betrayed too much. She’d pushed him too far. Of course, he’d revealed a bit himself, but then … he was a man. A point he’d made very clear. And admitting desire was probably a lot easier, and more common and less meaningful for a man than it was for a woman.
At least, it would be for her brother, who seemed to change mistresses with alarming frequency. Stavros would admit desire for a woman within five minutes of meeting her, and likely have that desire satisfied a couple of hours after that. Discreetly, of course, since Stavros would never do anything to compromise the family name.
She didn’t really like thinking of her brother in those terms, but he was the only man she really knew. She had no reason to believe that Mak wasn’t the same. Yes, he’d been married, but he was single, and likely had been for a while. Which meant he was probably back to being free and easy with the way he satisfied his body’s needs.
And he was also back to that implacable, emotionless calm of his. She’d successfully gotten a growl out of him, but that was about it. He was all hard steel. Immovable. Unshakable. Uncompromising.
“Is dinner to your liking?” he asked.
A bland, ridiculous question all things considered. Did he really feel nothing? Her entire body felt singed and he was just … fine.
How annoying.
“Perfect. Good enough for a tiger to eat, maybe.”
He chuckled, low and emotionless, but sexy all the same. “Maybe.”
“What is it you do for fun around here? Make snow angels?” she asked, looking up at the high ceiling.
“Not quite. There’s a good ski resort nearby, and the village is nice. But I mainly come here to be alone, as I said. To get away from demands.”
“Of your work.”
He paused for a moment, a flicker of emotion in his eyes. Just for a moment. “Among other things. But mainly work now. Not that I ever truly leave my work behind. It’s far too important.”
“But you don’t generally go out in the field now.”
“I haven’t been an operative for a long time. I organize, I make connections and head up training. Things have expanded and we now do security on nearly every level you can think of.”
“That’s … daunting.”
“It’s how I’ve made my fortune. Certainly more gratifying than working just as hard for pennies. For just enough to buy food for my family for a couple of days.”
Her throat tightened. It was easy to see Mak as super-human. As someone so far beyond her, in life experience, in so many things, that she could forget he’d had struggles. That he’d been through things that were more difficult to bear than anything she’d ever had to endure.
“Did your … couldn’t your father work?”
“He did. And we waited in line for food, for the same nothing everyone else got. I did what I could on the side. Hid that bit of extra. There were a lot of mouths to feed. I’m one of five children.”
“Do you … do you ever see them now?”
“The ones I could find. I lost touch with them for so long … and I’m not the only one. They all sort of drifted apart.”
“How did you lose each other?”
“A number of reasons, I should think. Mostly the pursuit of a better life, which took us all far from where we came from. Though I’m not sure of the specifics for everything.” He paused. “I know how I lost track of them, but it’s a long story.”
“I have time,” she said.
“You’re trying to hold hands and share again.”
She shrugged. “It won’t kill you.”