"You can. It's not easy, but if you love Janson, you can. It'll all work out in the end." Joanna seemed like she was so full of hope, but I didn't necessarily believe her. It just seemed impossible.
"How do you know?" I asked.
"Because look at me. Greyson loves me. He had the chance to walk away from me, and he didn't. He didn't walk away from us." She cradled her baby and looked up at me. "Give Janson a chance."
Chapter Fifteen
Kathryn
"What the hell were you thinking, running off like that?" My father stared at me from the other end of the table. He was almost visibly frothing at the mouth. The dining room table. Where all the screaming matches, speeches of disappointment, and accusations occurred. I dreaded this fucking table, and had ever since I got my first lecture there.
It wasn't hard to see why. Watching the vein in my father's forehead throb as he looked at me in anger and disappointment was enough.
I'd been home a whole thirty minutes, and we were already having this discussion.
"I was thinking I needed to see if I could make it out there on my own without my father helping me every step of the way," I said, truthfully. It was only a partial truth, but that was the best way to handle him. I had to give him some of the truth or he would never believe anything I had to say.
I got out of a lot of shit that way as a teenager.
"And did you?" he asked. I could tell by the smarmy smile on his face that he was trying to prove a point.
"For a while," I admitted. I wasn't ready to admit defeat. Not yet. But I knew the truth. I'd never really be able to survive for long without help.
"For a while," he conceded. "Holed up in a den of shit with a bunch of punks."
"You knew where I was?" I asked. My adrenaline spiked. What else did he know?
"Of course. You're my daughter. You think I don't know where you went? What you did? You think I didn't have eyes on you?" His smile vanished. "As soon as Janson came and got you, I was relieved. You are one of mine. You belong to me. You might find your way into the arms of a man like that scum ball you were staying with, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who you are with or who you sleep with. You are mine."
I blew out a breath. As much as he thought he knew, he didn't know about Janson and me, or if he did, he wasn't letting on. My father had the ability to hold onto most things, but when it came to this family, I highly doubted he would've let that slide. He didn't know about Michael, about Janson. About our plan.
He couldn't. He saw the world differently, thought of his children differently.
His possession. That was exactly how he saw me.
And it was why I had to get the fuck out of there the first time. But now, I was trapped, and there was no going back. I'd made a promise. To Janson, to Michael. This was all part of the plan.
"So, your brother had to go and rescue you, and then what?" he asked.
"Then I came back and stayed with him." But he knew that. "Why didn't you rescue me?"
"Because it was your own damn lesson to learn. I wasn't going to teach you that you needed me. That you needed this family. You take off, you either fly or sink, and it has to be all on you." That fat cigar hung from his mouth as he said it and I knew that he was telling the truth. He didn't really give a shit about me. He only cared about where I went to, like I was his lost watch or cellphone, but that wasn't what it was about for him.
No, it was about the fact that I defied him. I needed to eat crow in order to be accepted back into the family, and that was hard as fuck to do.
"You're right. I sank. I sank like a big, fat rock. I was getting high and drunk and not doing much of anything, and if it wasn't for Greyson and his little minion, I would've probably gotten addicted to worse."
There it was. That was what he wanted to hear. That was exactly what he was looking for. And it fucking hurt to say.
Maybe this was all a big mistake. Maybe I shouldn't have come home and started this.
Maybe I was better off in Chicago playing my violin.
At least then, I wouldn't have to deal with any of this shit.
"James, don't you think that's enough? My baby just got home, and I am pretty sure she's learned her lesson." My mother's voice was a gentle reprieve as she came through the kitchen door to the dining room. She was always trying to protect us from him. First as children, and then as adults. But it usually ended in tears.
"Maeve, I didn't ask you, did I?" my father said as he looked up at her. He was still angry, and she was going to be the one who took the brunt of the anger.
"Look at her. She's exhausted. Just let her go up to her room and get settled in. You are staying with us, aren't you sweetie?" I'd already spent the night, but I hadn't made my intentions clear yet as to where I was staying. I knew one thing, though, and it was that I could not, under any circumstances, let them know I'd been staying with Janson.
"Why would she stay anywhere else?" he asked. "My children stay under my own roof. Unless they fucking run away." That anger, it popped up again.
"She's an adult, James. She can make her own decisions," my mom countered. She'd always stood up for us, but only so far. She knew her duties as a wife of a mob boss. She knew who was really in charge.
I felt for her.
"That's what got her in trouble in the first place." They tried not to have out-and-out arguments in front of us, but it was always there. The anger, the resentment. My mother had put up with so much from him, could anyone blame her?
I swallowed. I just wanted to go back to Janson's. I didn't actually want anything to do with either one of them. But I didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Not if I was going to do what I came here to do.
"Of course I'm staying, Mom. I'm home. I should get upstairs. I have a gig tonight."
"You're playing the violin?" my mother said, ignoring the angry stare on my father's face. "How nice."
"Greyson hooked me up with several gigs, and every place that I've played has wanted me back, so I'm finally getting paid to do what I love." I beamed up at her. "He convinced me to come back, Mom. Convinced me to stay."
"I'm glad you're home, honey." My mom had always been supportive, even now. She was the real reason I was doing all of this. I wanted her to be free from this life. From him. She'd be tethered until the day he died, but she deserved a little relief. That woman had seen and put up with so much.
She'd supported me through everything. Even playing the violin, especially when no one else did. Not my father, not my sisters. She'd been there for me, though. Got me lessons for my birthday present and made sure that I always had what I needed, even if she didn't think it was a reality.
It wasn't what they had in mind for me, but it was better than nothing. Besides, whatever I did was just a hobby in my father's eyes until I attached myself to a man. It was easier to sell me off to the highest bidder in order to gain political favor.
"Well then, go get settled," my father said finally, but the anger blazed in his eyes. I dared not defy him when he got like this, so I rose and headed up the stairs towards my room. They always waited until we were just out of sight to start arguing, but that didn't mean we couldn't hear them. They were always fighting, it was a way of life, but I bit my lip and ascended the stairs, ignoring the screams.
Soon. I had to get the fuck out of here soon.
Janson
"Are you sure you want to do this now?" I asked as I looked over at Greyson. He was trying to keep his cool, I could tell. But this shit was fucking ridiculous. He was crossing over into enemy territory and about to find his way into the lion's den.
We were going to fucking knock on the second largest crime boss's door in all of Baltimore and ask him for a damn parley. It was crazy as fuck.
"I need to do this, Janson. I need it for my daughter. One day you might just understand." He smiled at me, the new look in his eye something I couldn't ready distinguish. I'd never seen him look that way before.
I honestly hoped he was right. I hoped one day I would understand.
"I have a feeling I already do," I said truthfully. I could only imagine the things I'd do for Kathryn, but if she had a baby … hell, I'd obliterate the whole world if I could.
We pulled up to the house, out in the suburbs of Millersville, and I knew as soon as the men outside saw us that we were in trouble.