A Real Bad Boy(25)

       

I didn't know what I was hoping for, but the look on her face was not  it. It went from one of bliss to one of confusion. Irritation.

It wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"No." Before she said the words, I anticipated them and released her  from my grip. "Zach, we just had this conversation. I don't want you to  think you have to do stuff like this just because I'm pregnant. I don't  want to have to make these choices yet."

I wasn't asking her because of the baby. That was only part of it. A  small part of it. One that I tried to deny but I couldn't. I was asking  her because I wanted her. All of her, and I wanted her in my life.

"I think I should go home," she said as she turned and walked away. "I'll call a cab, don't worry about dropping me off."

I stood there, numb while she turned and walked down the hallway and out of my view.

And I felt number than I ever had in my entire life.





Willow



Tears threatened as I gripped my purse on the cab ride home. He'd pushed  too far and I'd had to react, hadn't I? I kept questioning myself.  Questioning every decision I was making. I had no idea if I was doing  the right thing or not, I just knew that I had to get out of there. I  had to breathe.

I couldn't marry him. Hell, I couldn't even live with him. I knew that  the only thing driving him to say that was guilt. I didn't want his  guilt. I wanted his love.

And he'd never said those words. Hell, he never said anything like them.  We talked about want and desire, about need, but we never talked about  love. I didn't need this. I didn't need this emotional turmoil. I had to  stay stable. Had to stay away from stress.

I didn't want it to hurt the baby.

I got out of the cab and walked up the stairs of my home. Somehow, it  didn't feel right. My cozy little cottage was starting to feel sad and  empty. On the stoop was a small vase filled with daisies and a note from  Ruby.



I hope you feel better soon. Love you.



I smiled but my face felt numb. No amount of flowers or cheer could  change what I knew. I was alone. I was alone, and I'd pushed the one  person who didn't want me to be alone away. It was my own damn fault,  but it had to happen. I wouldn't be someone else's burden. But it didn't  keep me from sinking down onto the couch and crying.

I didn't know how I was going to handle all of this.





Chapter Sixteen



Zach



A bar. It was probably the last place I should've been but it was the  only place I wanted to be. It was where I went when I was craving some  action. A woman, a fight. Something.

But the only woman I wanted didn't want me. At least not at the moment. So I would have to settle for another fight.

Hell, I was determined to get as drunk as possible so at least it would be a fair fight.

I grabbed my drink and downed it, slamming the counter for another.  Fucking women. This was exactly why I only bedded them for a night.  Letting them into your life was too fucking complicated and I'd had  enough hurt to last a damn lifetime. I didn't want more. Hell, I didn't  need more. I had my job, I could get fucked any time I wanted. I didn't  need someone coming in and complicating the whole damn thing. I glared  at the empty glass and looked around. The bartender was busy talking to a  gorgeous woman at the end of the bar. Hell, I couldn't blame him for  ignoring me. A few months ago, I would've ignored anyone if I had the  chance to score with a woman that stunning.

I snorted and grabbed my phone, flipping through notifications until I came upon a text from Glitch.



I need to talk to you. I have some good intel. Call when you get the chance.



Perfect. Work was exactly what I needed to provide me with a distraction. Fuck this shit, I had work to do. I called him.

"You still in the office?" I asked. I meant the warehouse, but to Glitch  that was his main base of operations, at least for as long as this one  was in effect.

"Yeah, man. I'm still here."

"Good, I'll meet you in thirty," I said. I'd only had one drink. I was fine to drive.

I walked out of the bar and got into my car. Memories of Willow and me  making out in the car filled my vision. I could almost smell her.  Dammit.

I pushed it out of my brain and started the car up, pealing out of the parking lot as I raced away from the memories.

The only problem was, they followed me no matter where I went. It didn't  matter how fast I drove, I couldn't stop from thinking about her. About  the way strands of her hair fell in her face when she was riding me.  About the way she clung to me when she was sleeping. Hell, I couldn't  stop thinking about how scared I was when I found out she was pregnant  and we might lose the baby.

I couldn't lose her. I wouldn't let her just walk out of my life. That  woman didn't stand a fucking chance. She needed me just as much as I  needed her. I just had to make her see it. Make her believe it                       
       
           



       

I almost turned down her street as I passed it, but I kept going. She  needed space. That was exactly what I would give her. Space. I slammed  on my accelerator and shifted gears as I tore down the highway. Fuck  this shit, I needed some damn action.





***



"What do you have for me, Glitch?" I asked as I walked into the  warehouse. He'd set it up as a virtual fucking fortress. There was top  of the line security, computers everywhere, not to mention equipment.  The man had put Leo Chance's money to damn good use.

"I've been looking through the police files and other information from  the private investigator, from the FBI, and it just seemed like there  was a big hole in the data. Like no matter who did shit, they didn't do  it right, or they took something out. That's when I realized, despite  blood at the scene, despite the numerous forensic tests, there was  nothing said about perpetrators. All of the DNA came back as the  victims. But that's not possible. I say this because this file here," he  clicked open a file, "shows that three different blood types were  found." It was just a small note, one made on the side of a piece of  paper from a Ben Sherman, a forensic scientist in the APD.

"So they had been altering the documents?" I asked.

"Yeah, it looks like it. If they were, Ben here probably knows exactly what happened."

"Well then, I'm going to have to call Leo and see if we can find a way  to pay Ben a little visit." I grinned. This was exactly the kind of  action I was looking for.





Willow



I woke up sometime between mid-morning and afternoon, the sunlight  streaming through my windows sending me into panic mode. Fuck. I had to  get to work. I had study guides for midterms to distribute. And all I  could think about was sweaty Zachary Murdock climbing up and down that  ladder-thing in his gym, his muscles working it so hard as he  concentrated on his training. I was getting wet last night standing  there watching him.

And then he opened up to me, and I turned him away.

Shit.

I grabbed my phone and called the head of my department to let them know  I wouldn't be in today. I'd just gotten home from the damn hospital.

"Hello, Dr. McKinney? This is Willow Ford. I won't be able to make it in today," I started to say, but she stopped me.

"Don't worry about it, Willow. Ruby has already informed us of your  illness. Just get better. We'll see you on Monday, all right?"

"Sure, but what about the study guides?" I asked.

"I'll have Dr. James give them out to your students; don't worry about it."

I nodded but realized she couldn't see me. "Thank you."

Well, now that my classes were taken care of, I didn't have a lot to do.  Just sit and wallow, but that wasn't like me either. Not anymore. I  smiled, then realized what I really wanted to do. A solo trip to the  museum.

That could be just the thing to lift my spirits. I wanted to walk around  the High, and I wanted to remember that date. Our first, and really,  our only date. The one where he opened up to me. Where he told me all  about his mother, and where I really felt like I was starting to know  him. Zachary was a mystery to me in so many ways, and I wanted to feel  close to him. I wanted to understand him.

So I got in my car and drove downtown until I was outside of that  museum. And I took it in. Atlanta was gorgeous during the day. Busy and  full of life, and it never felt scary or lonely. At least not in the  parts of town I was in. I walked into the High and immediately felt what  I was looking for. That familiar sense of comfort. The one that  reminded me why I loved art. I passed through exhibit after exhibit  until I found the one I loved the most. The traditional realism area. It  was my favorite. Hell, I'd loved it from the very beginning. I sat down  and pulled my sketchbook from my bag. I hadn't actually made any art in  so long. I didn't realize it until Zach asked me. Until I realized how  much of my life I'd dedicated to reading and writing about art. My own  pursuits had fallen by the wayside, and I had lost sight of myself.