I looked over at Ruby; she grimaced and shook her head. I sighed. This was clearly a conversation to have at another time.
Whatever it was, it could wait. I wanted Benedict somewhere warm first. Two guards were stationed outside the human quarters. They stood aside hurriedly as we approached, staring disbelievingly at Benedict cradled in Tejus’s arms.
He probably syphoned off them at some point.
I realized that there would be few sentries in Hellswan who hadn’t been syphoned by the entity-possessed Benedict. I hoped that they all understood he hadn’t been in control, hadn’t known what he was doing at the time. I dreaded one of the guards or ministers confronting him. It was probably a good idea that I had a word with Ash when I next saw him about keeping Benedict shielded from the worst of his night-time activities in Hellswan.
“Oh, my God!” Yelena rose from where she’d been seated in the living room, her eyes widening as Benedict was carried toward her.
Tejus placed him gently down on the sofa, and Yelena crouched down low next to him.
“What happened? Is he sleeping—can I do anything?” She rattled off questions, and I recognized the same mixture of relief and anxiety that I was experiencing at seeing my brother finally free from the entity.
“We’re going to get one of the ministers to see what they can do. I think he’s just a bit weak,” Ruby replied. “The entity took a lot out of him.”
Yelena’s face fell.
“But right now he probably just wants to be kept warm—and maybe you could keep him company?” I asked, suddenly needing Yelena to remain optimistic. I wanted Benedict to feel safe and secure when he woke, and that wasn’t going to happen if we were all staring worriedly and tiptoeing around him.
It worked. Yelena brightened again, and went about fetching more blankets for the sofa.
“I need to leave,” I whispered to Tejus.
The hunger was starting to get to me. I could practically feel the energy of the kids emanating from the bedrooms—they felt like they were getting stronger every passing second, and the ache in my stomach was starting to become unbearable. Spending time with Tejus wasn’t much better, but at least I knew he could handle whatever I threw his way.
Tejus’s expression was instantly concerned, and he turned to Ruby. “Tell Ash that Lemidea is probably the best minister for this.” He gestured toward Benedict. “We need to know if he’s truly free of the entity. She’s a good healer, and we can trust her.”
“As far as you know,” Ruby shot back.
“As far as any of us can know,” he replied firmly. “Just pass on the message.”
Ruby nodded.
“Fine.”
Tejus and I left after saying a brief goodbye—I figured everyone could sense my increasing discomfort. I left feeling ashamed. Like I was separate from them all now, my newfound abilities creating a divide that I wasn’t sure I was ever going to be able to overcome, whether or not my syphoning urges got under control.
I’m a sentry.
I’m a SENTRY.
Reality hit me hard. Bulldozer hard. I kept walking, dully following Tejus back along the corridor and up the staircase to his room. My mind became a total whirl of questions and worries.
What if I never get it under control?
Will I have to stay in Nevertide forever?
What are Mom and Dad going to say?
What is Benedict going to say when he wakes?
Will I ever have a normal life again…or ‘normal’ for me, anyway?
My brief interlude of optimism came crashing to the floor, and as we came closer to the living room door, I started to have trouble putting one foot in front of the other. I felt trapped, claustrophobic, like the walls were closing in on me, and I was stuck dealing with the consequences of choices I hadn’t really made.
“You need to take a breath, Hazel.”
I looked up at Tejus. His tone had been firm, but his eyes betrayed uncertainty…about me, about us, about what was coming—I couldn’t tell.
“I’m sorry,” I breathed, “I think reality just hit…”
“I understand, but try and keep some perspective…One day perhaps you’ll be glad of your abilities – it’s not a death sentence, Hazel. It’s not even a Nevertide life sentence – just because you’re a sentry, it doesn’t mean you’ll have to stay here forever if you don’t want to.”
“I know,” I whispered, suddenly saddened by his words…did he mean that he would be letting me go? Leave Nevertide without him? I wasn’t sure.
I looked away, and we continued walking to the door. Tejus paused before opening it, and turned back around to face me. His expression had changed, his eyes hooded and dark.