“Aye, and like yer mother, ye’ve got far more schooling. Bein’ men they must prove they’re even better than ye. The hardest for them is believin’ in themselves.”
“So must I pretend I know little and let them make mistakes?”
“Mayhaps. As Malcolm is Laird Kinrowan he must be seen to win all his battles.”
Kiera curled her lip. “With me, you mean.”
“Aye.”
“They said I can speak freely in our chamber and if we are alone.”
“There is speakin’ freely, and there is speakin’ wise, lass. If ye are fashed ye willna be thinkin’. First, ye must learn to think afore ye speak.”
She’d been told that all her life. So far she’d been unable to do so. Or perhaps she just didn’t have a good enough reason.
“’Tis not something that comes naturally.” She stabbed her needle through a thick, well-patched section.
“All being well, ye’ll be married to them ’til ye die. If ye are lucky ’twill be a long, fruitful life. Ye didna have a good reason to change afore. Now ye have two.” She patted Kiera’s still-flat belly. “And more each year.”
“I dinna wish to fight.”
Bessie raised her eyebrows.
“I wish to fight with words, but show respect.”
“To get respect ye must give it. Ye didna see yer laird when he got back to Castle Leod with yer father. He looked around, eager for ye. He was hurt, perhaps even felt ashamed, when ye weren’t there to greet him.”
Kiera’s lungs collapsed. She crumpled, fighting tears. Bessie held up her hand.
“Yer father sent word the day afore. That dragon aunt of Silean’s made sure ye dinna ken it.”
“I told them what happened.”
“Aye, but he may still feel shamed.”
Kiera rubbed her forehead. “’Twas wonderful with just Duff.”
“Aye, ye had none else to fight with and no duties other than those ye wished to do. Ye need to find that same feeling while living yer true life.”
“So what do I do?”
“First ye admit ye willna be the pouting, whining lassie wishing attention.”
It was true she’d once acted that way, but it still hurt to hear it.
“Yer husbands need a strong wife of courage, but they dinna ken it. They’ve not had a wife, nor a mam, nor much else. So ye must train them while they think they are doin’ the trainin’.”
“It just seems…wrong.”
“Do ye wish to work well together for yer clan?”
“Aye.”
“Then pretend to be meek so yer men can be strong.”
“I have to do all the giving?”
Bessie sighed as if Kiera had missed the whole point.
“Malcolm and Duff are learnin’ to be laird and steward of all Kinrowan, and to be a husband of a wilful woman, all without seeing it done afore. Do ye nay think they have enough to do?” demanded Bessie. “Do ye nay think enough of yerself and yer future to try? What else are ye doing that means more?”
Bessie, again, was right.
“I am creating a home here and growing a babe.”
“Aye, ye are doin’ a woman’s life work. Ye need a calm place where yer men can forget all outside yer chamber door and just be men. A place where a family, and a clan, can grow with love and caring. ’Tis yer job as a wife, and their lady, to do all ye can to ease their way.”
Her chin quivered. A fat drop fell on Malcolm’s shirt. Bessie patted her hand. Her voice dropped, soothing rather than lecturing.
“Yer men will protect and provide for ye, yer family, and yer clan. They willna ask as they dinna ken it, but they need ye to make them a home, give them bairns, and love them. In spite of their faults, and yer own.”
“I havena been good at obeying.”
“Ye obey Laird MacKenzie as ye respect him. Ye ken many others are weak and canna be trusted. Yer men are nay like that. Obeyin’ a man ye can trust to keep ye and yer bairns safe, who’ll do what he says? That’s easier done, aye?”
Kiera thought back. She’d tried to be like her brothers. She’d done the same daredevil stunts only they got praised, and she got punished. She’d snuck in the schoolroom each morning and hidden. When her older brother was asked to read, and stumbled, she corrected him, having memorized the passage as well as being able to read it. Again, she’d been punished, this time for making him look bad. When her father had allowed her to study openly with the tutor the man had whipped her, then threatened with worse if she spoke up about it. She was still terrified of whips. She’d done her best to be Lady MacKenzie for her father but when he’d married it was as if he’d forgotten she existed. He even refused to play chess with her, which he knew she loved. As for her suitors, they only wanted her carcass and possessions.