A Perfect Storm(56)

Every muscle in his body twitched. Every time she opened up to him, his  heart felt trampled, and he wanted to get hold of the ones who'd hurt  her.

Impossible, since they were long gone.

At the same time, he wanted to promise her that she'd have that pleasure, with him, for a very long time.

Also impossible.

He made a point of not looking at her. "It should always be that way,  honey." He gripped the wheel tighter and forced out the words, as much  to remind himself as her. "Any guy you sleep with should be equally  concerned with how you feel."

* * *

ARIZONA FLINCHED at what he said.

Any guy she slept with.

Meaning he still wanted to fob her off on that nameless, faceless other dude.

The idea repulsed her. And it infuriated her.

But facts were facts: Spencer wanted to rehab her, and that's all he  really wanted. Oh, yeah, she knew it wasn't a chore for him to sleep  with her. She wasn't a hag, and her hang-ups aside, she wasn't too weird  or obnoxious in bed.

But what she'd told Marla was true; he was still in love with his wife,  and a woman like her would be only a temporary substitute-in bed.  Nowhere else.

Nowhere that really mattered to his life or to his own personal issues.

She wished she could help him as he wanted to help her. Not that there  was any real comparison. Spencer was one of the greatest, most awesome,  incredible guys she knew.

And, Jesus, didn't she sound like an infatuated sap?

Well, unlike Marla, she had pride galore. Pride had kept her going when  others might have given up. She stared at Spencer for a long time,  willing him to meet the accusation in her gaze, but he kept his  attention on the road.

Screw it. She wouldn't debate sleeping with other men, so instead she  just said, "Good to know. I'll try to remember that when I sleep with  someone else."

An interesting muscle clenched in his jaw, and his big hands-hands that  could be so gentle and so hot when he touched her-squeezed the steering  wheel.

Possessive. That's what he was. She knew all about that because Jackson  was the same. For as long as she slept with Spencer, he didn't want her  sleeping with anyone else. Not like he'd let her out of his sight long  enough for her to go carousing anyway.

And that could be a problem, given she had to meet Quin tomorrow.

"So other guys are on the list," she said, "but for tonight, soon as we can wrap up this nonsense at Dare's-"

"Your birthday is not nonsense."

"-I want to try out this control reversal you mentioned."

He opened his mouth to further explain the importance of her birth celebration-and then her words registered.

Going silent, he clamped his mouth shut. New tension coursed through him-but this was tension of a very different kind.

All sexual-the fun kind of tension.

Grinning, Arizona watched him.

He pawed the steering wheel, his jaw flexing, and he flashed her a  glance of heated comprehension. "You want to see how far you can push  things?"

"With you," she stressed, because whether he wanted to hear it or not,  she didn't want to roll with anyone else. "So … yeah, that's what I want."                       
       
           



       

Two slow, deep breaths expanded his chest. He tried for a cavalier shrug. "Okay, sure."

She smirked. Of course he was agreeable about it; she hadn't expected anything else. Men were so predictable.

To up the ante, she whispered, "How you kissed me, Spence? Where you kissed me? I want to kiss you like that, too."

He cleared his throat. "You mean … ?"

She nodded. "You on your back, hands to yourself, letting me make you  nuts." She tipped her head. "You think you'll like my mouth on you?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation.

"You think you'll be able to keep your hands to yourself?"

"I'll try. But for now, let's stow that, okay?" Shifting in his seat, he  adjusted his jeans. "We're at Dare's, and I don't want to face them all  with a boner."

Her gaze dropped to his lap, and sure enough, she'd gotten him all stirred up. "Nice. I have skills with this, too, huh?"

Her boasting made him laugh. "I suppose you do. But around you, I'm pretty easy, so don't let it go to your head."

A nice confession. She'd enjoy taking control of him-later, after she survived this little celebration.

Ugh. She made a face and peered out the windshield at the heavily wooded area.

Regardless of her personal preferences, she had to admit that Dare had a  terrific place. Uneasy, she said, "I can see the lake already."

"And smell the air?" He took the window lower. "Fresh."

"Everything smells green." She filled her lungs and tried not to think about swimming.

As he pulled into the long drive leading to Dare's impressive home,  Spencer reached for her hand. "Try to relax, okay? Just forget about the  lake for now-we'll deal with that later. You're here with friends, with  people who care about you. Enjoy their attention, and yes, their  gifts."

She groaned. Gifts? "My birthday is over already. This is dumb."

Understanding and, as usual, soothing her, Spencer lifted her hand and  kissed her knuckles. "Whatever happens today, honey, know that I'm right  here with you, okay? You aren't alone."

Yeah, that helped. For now.

Today.

But she'd soon be all alone again-sooner than even Spencer suspected.





CHAPTER NINETEEN


THE SUN BLAZED AGAINST the pale blue sky without a single cloud in  sight. A light breeze stirred the air, sending the surface of the lake  into mesmerizing ripples that glinted like diamonds.

From swaying treetops, blackbirds swooped down to peck at insects.  Chattering squirrels scurried around, gathering berries and nuts. A  cicada chirped relentlessly.

Laughter, casual conversation and lots of love surrounded her. For most, it'd be the perfect day.

But, God, she felt like a fraud.

Like an interloper.

She didn't belong in this cozy family atmosphere. She didn't really belong anywhere.

As beautifully wrapped gifts were pressed toward her, she tried not to  be too conspicuous. But her smile felt wooden, her face stiff.

She detested being the center of attention-at least for something like  this. If she drew attention kicking ass, well, so be it. That she didn't  mind so much. She was good at that. In the middle of a low-class bar,  she fit right in.

Here … not so much.

On this hot afternoon, near a lake, after dinner off a grill, eaten from  a patio table, her inexpensive shorts and top should have been  appropriate. But next to the other women, even though they wore similar  outfits, she looked … cheap. Their casual clothes were somehow classier.  Richer. Better-fitting.

They had polished fingernails and pedicures. They had salon-styled hair and lotion-rich skin.

She'd never cared about that stuff. She wanted her clothes to be  comfortable, period. She made sure that the legs of her jeans hid her  ankle holster, and her tops had to be long and loose enough to conceal  the sheath for her knife, usually fastened at the small of her back.  That mattered.

Style did not. Keeping up with fashion had never been her forte.

Now she sort of wished she'd put some thought into it instead of stewing over the whole swimming thing.

With her long red hair in a thick braid, Priss looked elegant,  especially in the breezy and colorful cover-up she wore over her  swimsuit. And Molly in her white cotton capris and tailored halter  defined chic.

In her feminine sundress and designer sandals, Alani was the classiest.  Even the way the breeze teased her pale blond hair seemed affected for  style. Right now, Alani had a hand protectively over her middle-and  Jackson had his hand over hers. Though she wasn't showing yet, they were  both so excited about the pregnancy.                       
       
           



       

A baby.

The idea boggled Arizona's mind. The only thing she knew about kids was  that they scared her. But Jackson assured her over and over that she'd  be a great aunt. He didn't seem to find that whole idea absurd-and  oddly, neither did Alani.

But who knew? She might not even be around by the time the baby was born, so why should she worry about being a bad influence?

In her ear, Chris, Dare's right-hand man, said, "Chin up, kiddo, or everyone will think you're glum."

Crap. Arizona glanced up and found them all waiting on her. Their expressions varied from indulgent to amused to concerned.

Chris, always easy to be around, sat to her right. He gave her a nudge.  "Start with the small packages," he suggested, "and you can work up to  the bigger stuff."

Bigger stuff? No, she didn't even want to know. Accepting the box he  handed to her, she gave a gruff, "Thanks," and untied the ribbon.

It surprised her to find three gifts inside: a camera, an empty photo  album and a framed photo of her with Jackson and Alani. She stared at it  blankly.