Wasn’t it?
God, she didn’t even know anymore.
Andy shifted on the couch next to her. “Well, this explains … stuff…”
It did. And it didn’t. It didn’t explain why Noah hadn’t come out and told her. He’d asked her to trust him and yet he couldn’t trust her? So he probably assumed that she wouldn’t take it well, and rightly so, but still. She’d deserved to know before she’d given him her faith. Before she’d given her trust. Before she’d given him her heart.
“Apparently he’s sort of a recluse. He doesn’t do many signings or appearances.”
Jay opened her eyes to see Lacy was reading from the article. She tossed the iPad on the table in front of her. “Obviously he doesn’t want a lot of people to know what he does. I guess he likes his privacy.”
“Or he’s ashamed,” Jay said under her breath. As he should be.
Or maybe he shouldn’t be.
Dammit, why was this so hard to get a handle on? She’d almost rather have found out he was a drug dealer.
“Are you all right, Jaylene?” Lacy seemed genuinely concerned.
And Jay genuinely felt uncertain. “I’m not sure.”
“I don’t understand what the big deal is? So he writes about sex.… That’s kind of cool. Isn’t it? I bet he’s good in bed.”
Jaylene shot a piercing glare at Andy. For someone who was supposed to be able to read people, Andy certainly had missed the read on her. More than once.
“Oh, you’ve already slept with him!” So maybe Andy had some ability to read people after all.
Well, no reason to deny anything now. “Yes, I’ve slept with him. And he’s good in bed. He’s great in bed, actually.”
“Is he all alpha dominating like he writes about?” Lacy was practically bouncing in her chair. “He is, isn’t he?”
“He is.” Oh, was he. Her body still felt the after aches from their night before. “Which is part of the problem.”
“How is that a problem? That shit is all-caps HOT.”
“Lacy, I’m a feminist!”
“So am I! Who gives?”
Jay leaned back into the sofa at that. Though Lacy wasn’t much of an activist, she’d been a big supporter of the movement, donating her time and talent to more than one of Jay’s events. In fact, Jay had always thought they’d shared similar viewpoints about women and society. And now she was finding out that Lacy read the erotica books without even an ounce of shame.
So what was Jay’s problem with it?
She didn’t have an answer. “I don’t know what my issue is, Lacy. It seems like a contradiction, I guess. I’m still grappling with the bedroom stuff. I don’t know if I can accept that he writes it, too. I mean, this is what I fight against on a daily basis.”
Lacy made a sound that could only be defined as scoffing. “You don’t fight against this, Jay. You fight for women’s rights and for equality in the world that we live in. You work to make sure that we are treated well and respected and not taken advantage of. These books have nothing to do with that. Honestly, as a feminist I think you should be giving this subject more attention. There are obviously many women who read these books, who embrace this fantasy, and just as many people who assume that makes them weak or stupid. Am I a weak woman? Am I stupid? Because I don’t think so. And I love my smut books. And isn’t it ridiculous that I’m not allowed to read them without receiving some sort of judgey label? Isn’t that what feminism is supposed to really be about? Empowering women to be who we want to be and not what someone else thinks we should? Well, this is who I want to be.”
Jaylene kept her eyes pinned on the book she still clutched in her hands. She was too embarrassed to look anywhere else. Lacy had just put her in her place and didn’t she deserve it? And wasn’t this happening more and more regularly over the past few days?
Andy cleared her throat.
Lacy took the cue. “Sorry if that was a bit ranty. Getting off my soapbox now.”
Jaylene shook her head. “No, it was perfect. I needed to hear it. Noah said the same thing, actually. Apparently it takes repetition to get through my thick skull.”
Lacy tucked her legs underneath her. “I’m impressed that Noah agrees. It’s not the same since he’s not a woman, but I’m still impressed.”
Jay bit her lip, considering her next move. She had to talk to Noah. Had to confess that she’d snooped. Had to address his secret. “This isn’t the only problem, you know. He still hasn’t told me. He obviously doesn’t think I can handle it.”