A Mate's Denial(38)
“Thirsty then?”
“Trager, I need to go home.”
His mouth dried. “Okay. You want to grab some things? I’ll take you. It’s only noon. We can be back before dark.”
Her head shook. “No, no. I need to go home and stay there.”
His chest locked tight. Did she just need space? Maybe she didn’t want to share his tiny cabin. “You mean you want to keep your apartment? That… yeah, okay. We can do that. You don’t have to move in with me. I just thought… We’ll take things slow if that’s what makes you comfortable. Whatever you want.”
Her eyes squeezed closed, and tears cascaded down her cheeks. “No, Trager. I need to… we can’t be together. I need to go home. To Alaska.”
Trager couldn’t breathe. She was leaving him? For good?
He jumped to his feet. “No. No, Kerri. Why?”
She buried her face in her hands.
“You said you loved me. You said yes.”
A sob escaped, and he couldn’t help himself, he wrapped his arms around her.
“Baby, talk to me. Please.”
She said nothing. All he had to go on was her tears. Maybe this was a breakdown of some sort. Delayed shock, or something. Please, let it be that and not the prophecy.
“Let’s go to bed,” he murmured into her hair. “You’re tired. I’m tired. Let’s sleep, and then we’ll talk. We’ll work through this.”
She nodded against his chest, and his panicked wolf calmed. They would be fine. They just needed to rest.
***
Kerrigan let Trager lead her to the bedroom. He pulled back the covers and she climbed in. He removed his boots and his shirt, but left his jeans, and then scooted in behind her. He pulled her close against his chest, and she breathed him in. His steady breath calmed her. The thump of his heart reminded her that she loved him.
Sometimes loving people hurt. She knew that. But in this case, it hurt for all the right reasons. Trager would have what he desired. He’d be mad. Hurt, even. But someday, he’d be glad she left him. When five little wolf-boys were running around his house. A ghost of a smile lifted her lips. When his new mate was swollen with number six.
Everything inside her felt sick at the idea of him with someone else, but he deserved better than what she could offer. He deserved a woman that could give him kids, a family.
Time passed, and she had no way to measure it. Her breath evened and her eyes drifted closed. She wasn’t going to sleep. It just hurt too much to keep them open.
Trager crushed her closer. “Don’t. Don’t give up on us. On me. Please. You’re the only person who has ever believed in me.” He buried his face in her neck. His next words were muffled, but they still hit her heart like a hammer. “Don’t leave me.”
Kerrigan pretended not to hear him, lying as still as possible while her heart broke. For a second, she reconsidered what she was planning to do. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she realized those damned heartless wolves were right. She was going to deny him, because if he stayed with her, he would never have a family.
Eventually Trager’s grip loosened. His breath leveled to an even snore. He was asleep.
Kerrigan opened her eyes to study his face. When she’d memorized as many details as she could, she slipped out from under his arm and grabbed her suitcase and shoes.
She took one last look at the wolf she loved, and then let him go.
Chapter Sixteen
Trager awoke and several things happened all at once.
He recalled how he’d given his mate all last night, making love to her as he never had before. He felt excited. Happy. Whole. For the first time ever, safe.
He remembered her sobbing after they’d returned home.
He realized he couldn’t hear her heartbeat. He couldn’t feel her hair on his face.
His eyes snapped open. He felt disturbed. Disquieted.
He listened for movement in the cabin. Heard nothing.
Nothing.
He felt nauseous.
Trager bolted up. “Kerri!”
She didn’t answer.
“Kerri,” he shouted, throwing the sheets off. “Kerrigan!”
He went into the living room. Nothing. Checked the bathroom. Nothing.
“No. No, no, no.” His wolf whimpered. His stomach threatened to heave. “No, please.”
She wouldn’t do this. She couldn’t leave. Not after last night. Not after everything. She… she loved him. She’d wanted him when no one else did. She wouldn’t… she wouldn’t…
His chest locked tight, not allowing him a single breath. He was going to pass out.
Gripping the kitchen counter, he fought to draw in air, and that’s when he saw it, the note.
Trager, I’m so very sorry. I just can’t. Please forgive me.