“I’m such a coward,” she sobbed. “If only…I could’ve saved him…” She was silent for a few seconds. “If only I had done something to save my baby,” a broken whisper.
His heart clenched, he felt pain like nothing he had ever felt before. “It’s not your fault.” He choked out, meaning every word.
“Yes it is.” She sobbed even harder. “I knew how Liam was. What he was capable of. He hit me more than once after I became pregnant, he even…he even…hit me in my stomach.” She whispered the last few words.
Fuck!
He closed his hands tighter around her. Feeling his own eyes burn. Gideon’s chest heaved as he pulled a deep breath into his lungs. He swallowed hard.
“Liam is a police officer…a cop. I knew that if I tried to run that he would find me, but I should’ve tried anyway. You never know…maybe. At least that way we would’ve had a chance. My son might have lived.”
For the first time, he pulled her away from him so that he could stare deeply into her eyes. They were red rimmed and bloodshot. Her lashes were soaked and so were her cheeks.
“Listen to me, Jenna. There was nothing you could’ve done. I don’t know all the details but there’s one thing that I know with absolute certainty, you are not a coward. Do you hear me?”
She nodded, her eyes filling with fresh tears and she looked down at his chest. “I wish I could believe you but it’s not true. You see, it is all my fault. I overcooked his steak. I had my mind on other things and wasn’t paying attention. I was so stupid…stupid. When he came at me, I tried to run away. I was so afraid for the baby. I should never have run.”
“What else should you have done then? I saw the fucker and he was big for a human. You didn’t stand a chance against him.”
Her lip quivered and the tears continued to fall. “I was going on seven months. My baby was big enough to survive outside the womb.” She made a whimpering noise. “I made it out the front door…onto the landing. He let me get that far. I know that now. I should never have run, should never have overcooked his steak.”
Gideon couldn’t help himself, he growled loudly. The growl slowly twisting and turning into an anguished moan. He breathed deeply, fighting for control. “The steak, his fucking shoes in the wrong place, anything could have set him off. You do understand that it had nothing to do with the steak, don’t you? He had no right to lay a hand on you ever…not fucking ever.”
“He said that he didn’t mean to do it….” She whispered.
“You don’t believe that do you?” He had to ask.
“No…” She shook her head. “He said that it was an accident but I know better. When I turned back as I was running…” She chewed on her bottom lip for a few moments. “His face…oh god his face. It was like something from a horror movie.” Her eyes were glazed over, they still leaked tears. “The rage in them…they were wild…like an animal. He shoved me down those stairs.” She licked her lips. Using the back of her hand to wipe her nose and face. “The worst of it was that he made me lie to the staff in the emergency room. I had to pretend that I was clumsy, that I was walking too fast and tripped over my own feet. He made it sound like I killed my child with my carelessness. I’m such a damned coward. I stayed with him for months after he murdered my child. I’m more of a monster than he is.”
She pulled away from him. “I know that you already hate me…that you must be disgusted with me. I’m disgusted with myself.”
Jenna tried to move further away from him but he held onto her. “You were afraid and had every right to feel that way.”
She nodded. “Yeah, but it’s no excuse. He murdered my child and I stayed with him. Night after night.” She was crying again. “Liam is a sick bastard. After the whole thing happened, he made me pretend like what happened was an accident. That my whole tripping and falling down the stairs was how it happened. He started telling me to stop being clumsy. It was a new way, to him, of threatening me. Stop being clumsy, Jenna. Then he’d punch me. I just stayed…why the hell did I stay? What’s wrong with me?”
“You had every right to be afraid. To be worried about what he might have done to you if you had tried to leave. You were right to come here… I only wish I’d listen to what you had to say sooner. I’m so sorry. Fuck…Jenna.” Gideon cupped her cheeks, used his thumbs to try and wipe away her tears.
“He made me quit my job. I had to carry a cell phone with me. Lord help me if I didn’t answer a call or respond to his messages immediately. I had to ask him for money and then prove my expenses. I was forced to return items in order to save money so that I could get away. Still no excuse for staying.” More tears leaked out of her eyes and it fucking killed him. “I’m glad I got away in the end. I regret every minute I spent under that roof. I hate myself for staying.”