A Hollywood Bride(15)
We reach the man-made pond. The surface is covered with water lilies, and always reminds me of Monet. We sit on a bench, listening to the chirping of the night bugs.
“How are you holding up?” Mom asks.
“Great,” I say, trying for offhand cheer.
She gives me a stern, penetrating look, the kind that seems to peer into your soul.
“All right. Not great. It’s been hard.”
She takes my hand and pats it as if to say “there there.”
“That damn tape has just…made a mess of everything. And I’m really sorry. I know it’s affecting you as well.”
“Sometimes people betray our trust, but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault.”
Don’t I know it? But knowing intellectually and knowing something deep in your heart are two different things. I stare at the lilies, silvery black in the moonlight. “I wish Dad were alive.”
Mom’s hand tightens around mine. “What do you mean?” Her voice is brittle, and the words sound forced. It’s like she’d rather talk about anything but Dad.
No real surprise, once I stop to think about it. I haven’t talked about Dad in forever.
“It’s just…” I turn fully toward her. “If Dad were alive, I might not feel the need to be perfect all the time.”
Even in the dim light, I can see Mom’s face crumple. The lines around her eyes seem to deepen, and her lips thin.
I must’ve stunned her. Despite thinking about him from time to time, I don’t talk about him because I don’t want to pain Mom. The stories she’s told me about him are lovely, and I know if he’d lived, he would’ve been Father of the Century.
Leaning closer, Mom lowers her voice. “Has Simon ever told you you were disappointing in some—?”
“No!” I say quickly before she jumps to any conclusions. “Simon’s always been great. But I do worry about disappointing him. I always feel like the good things we have in our life might disappear unless I’m good.”
Mom gasps. “Paige, my dear.” She puts her arms around me. “We’ll love you no matter what. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and it’s not because they made a mistake or because they weren’t perfect.”
“You know I’m pregnant.”
Mom pulls back. “Is that the reason for this sudden marriage?”
Well, there’s more to it than that. But I don’t want to get into all the details. “Basically.”
“I see.” Mom holds both my hands in hers, warming them. My mother’s hands aren’t the softest, but they’re very comforting. “You shouldn’t feel obligated to make a decision—one that can impact your life so much—just because of the baby. Simon and I can help you with it if need be. And if you don’t feel like that’s an option, well, there’s always abortion.”
My entire body stills. A hard ball lodges in my chest. “What? But…it’s your grandchild.”
“I know, but… Honestly, it’s better not to have a child if it’s unwanted.” Mom straightens her spine, pulling her shoulders back. “Marriage can have serious repercussions. When you marry somebody like Ryder, the effects are amplified. Don’t let one unintended pregnancy decide the rest of your life. You’re still so young. A responsibility as big as a child closes a lot of doors.”
I sit there in stunned silence, trying to process what she’s telling me. Mom isn’t saying anything outrageous. But the thought of terminating the pregnancy never occurred to me. And even now, the idea is just…alien.
“Don’t look at me like that, Paige. I’m not telling you to get rid of the baby. I’m telling you to consider all your options before making a decision. I don’t want to see you in pain. And frankly, I’m not sure if Ryder is the right man to make you happy. We’re just too different.”
“Obviously. He’s a big movie star.”
Mom shakes her head. “Even if he weren’t a movie star, we would still be too different. You saw how his parents were. When you marry someone, you’re marrying their family too.” There is an odd tension—and maybe a little fear? —in her gaze as she looks at me. “I’ve done everything I could to ensure that you have a good life. Your happiness is all that matters to me.”
Unable to speak, I nod.
She yawns. “Now, I should probably get some sleep. We have an early flight home tomorrow.”
“Ryder’s jet is very comfortable,” I say.
“I know. But I can’t sleep on planes.”
We walk back to the guest-house. I give her a tight hug and make my way back to my suite.