But another part of me, the more desperate part, gripped the small bottle more tightly and stowed it in the pocket of my robe.
Chapter 22: Ben
I tried to turn my mind to other thoughts than the conversation I’d had with Arron. I reached for the brown sack fastened to my waist and opened it up, gazing down at the two ingredients we had managed to gather so far. I reached inside and wrapped my fingers around the merflor. I’d expected it to be slimy, but now that it was dry, it was soft, almost velvety.
“Hey.” Julie’s soft voice came from behind me. “Are you okay?” She approached and took a seat on the ledge by my side.
Okay? I wasn’t sure that I would ever be okay.
“Yes,” I muttered.
I continued examining the merflor before moving on to the tooth, not paying much attention to Julie. I didn’t want companionship. I just wanted to be on my own. If it had been possible, I would be around no one right now. I’d be on this journey alone, as I’d sensed that I ought to be right from the start.
Julie wasn’t intrusive, however. She kept her distance and looked away from me, fixing her eyes on the rocky landscapes surrounding us.
I was surprised that it was me who ended up breaking the silence.
“Don’t you have any plans for your life?” I asked.
She looked my way before releasing a sigh. “I’m not sure what plans I could have,” she replied, her voice subdued. “I’ve lived the last decades of my life—ever since I became a vampire—in the shadow of my father. I’ve hardly been in an environment conducive for making dreams… or friends for that matter. You’ve probably noticed that I’m socially awkward.”
Julie was shy and hesitant at times, though I wouldn’t have described her as socially awkward. She’d struck up a conversation with me back in the pub in The Tavern, and then extended her help to me—a total stranger. Not exactly what an introvert would do.
“I hadn’t noticed,” I muttered.
A small smile curved her lips. “Good. Because I’m trying to leave behind the old me. The me who lived at the mercy of my father, bending over backward to satisfy his every demand… When I was younger—at least, when I was still a human, before we all got turned—he was strict and concerned that I always studied hard at school, like any good Chinese parent, but he was nowhere near the control freak he is now. Something just… switched in him after he became a vampire. I guess sometimes the newfound strength goes to people’s heads. They become monsters—not just on the outside, but on the inside too.” She paused, glancing at me. “Sorry, I’m rambling. I don’t mean to bore you with more about me.”
Truth be told, I was starting to feel grateful for her interrupting my silence. Her talking helped to distract me from the conversation I’d had with Arron, which was still playing in the back of my mind.
“That’s all right,” I told her honestly. “You’re not boring me… I have to say that in spite of your sheltered upbringing, you have uncommon courage to follow me on this journey.”
She smirked. “Or uncommon desperation. I do mean it when I say I have nowhere else to go. But, somehow, I came across you and we wound up getting stuck together… I don’t know. Call it fate, guts, or desperation… This just feels like the right path for me to take at present.”
She pulled her dangling legs up from over the edge of the ridge and twisted to face me. Her expression became serious. “I overheard what Arron said to you,” she said, dropping her voice to a whisper. “I hope that you wouldn’t consider doing it.” She leaned in closer to me, her eyes wide with concern.
I didn’t answer.
“I don’t know you well, Benjamin. But I don’t need to in order to feel that you’re a good person,” she pressed. “I would to hate to see you go down that path… You deserve so much more.”
She placed her right hand over mine where it rested on the ground. I flinched, withdrawing my hand. I felt uncomfortable with her sudden proximity, almost claustrophobic, despite sitting out in the open. I averted my gaze and stood up, turning my back on her. I walked away, past the fire where Arron sat, and moved as far away from everyone as I could on this mountain ledge. I stared down at the steep drop near my feet.
My fists clenched, my hand tightening around the brown sack of ingredients that was still in my hand.
The surgery has to work. It just has to…
I almost lost my footing as a stabbing pain surged in my stomach. It was excruciating, as though someone was twisting a knife into my gut. I staggered back, dropping the brown sack. I let out a low groan, falling to my knees and doubling over.