And how that idea had eaten away at his very soul, night after night, as he lay awake with thoughts of her beautiful face and rich chestnut hair. Almost from the very moment that she had arrived at Draycott Hall, Hamilton had known himself to be somewhat affected by her. It was not just that he found her so very beautiful but that she seemed to have a quiet dignity that fascinated him.
He had known, as he had known with all the governesses beforehand, that his staff was behaving appallingly. Not all of them, just the ones he had come to rely upon to oversee the household when he himself had lost interest in Draycott entirely. And yet Georgette Darrington had handled it with grace. She had stood squarely on, never once flinching, never once truly complaining.
In truth, whenever the poor behaviour of his staff had been mentioned by her, it was only ever in connection with the welfare of the children.
And it had not been until he had seen the spoiled food on the tray with his own eyes that he realized quite how angry their behaviour made him. Probably not in respect of the previous governesses, but entirely in respect of Georgette Darrington herself. The idea that she had been served so appallingly in his home had caught him entirely off guard.
It had made him so very angry, and he had known then that he never wanted her to leave Draycott. He did not want Mrs Griffin and Mr Pearson to drive her away, much less the dreadful Mrs Wells.It was then that he had realized he had fallen in love with her. From that moment on, Hamilton Whitehall had known no peace.
“Well, I would say that Miss Darrington is a very clever young lady,” his aunt continued when Hamilton had been silent for some minutes. “For I truly believe that she is correct in her assertion.”
“I know that she is correct, Aunt. I just wish I could have admitted it at the time.”
“Before you dismissed her, Hamilton?”
“Yes, before I dismissed her,” he said with a sigh. “Long before I dismissed her.”
“Then it rather seems to me, my dear boy, that you have a choice to make.” Lady Cynthia had become rather firm again.
“What choice, Aunt Cynthia?”
“Do you let Miss Darrington go and with her all your hopes for future happiness? Or do you simply return to the dreadful Mr Winstanley and his employment registry and find yet another young lady to make utterly miserable?”
“All my hopes for future happiness?” Hamilton said, wondering just how much his aunt had perceived of his regard for Miss Darrington.
“You obviously love her, Hamilton,” Lady Cynthia said, almost as if she had read his mind.
“But she is the governess,” Hamilton said quite reflexively.
“And Carwyn Thomas was a low-born Welshman,” she said quite flatly. “Hamilton, for heaven’s sake, do not keep repeating the same mistake over and over again. It is time to break that chain.”
“And afford myself the luxury I did not allow my sister?”
“Rolling around in your own guilt will do absolutely no good whatsoever, Hamilton. You made a mistake a long time ago, and it is time to forgive yourself for it.”
“It is rather a large mistake, Aunt Cynthia, is it not?”
“Most mistakes generally are, Hamilton. But if they go unforgiven, they tend to become larger still. They grow to such a size that they are no longer manageable. Please, you must not let this one becomes so.”
“In truth, I know I do not deserve it.”
“You do not deserve what?”
“I do not deserve the happiness that such self-forgiveness would bring.”
“I do not believe that Hamilton, and neither would Josephine.”
“You might be mistaken on Josephine’s part, Aunt Cynthia. But I thank you for your kindness.”
“It is not kindness, Hamilton, it is common sense born of knowing both you and your sister so very well. Josephine would not have wanted this.”
“We can never know, can we?” Hamilton wondered how much longer he could dwell upon the matter without finding himself spiraling into the dark pit he seemed to fall into daily since he had first heard of the death of his sister.
“Perhaps we can, perhaps we cannot. I daresay it is trying which is the important thing.”
“I do not understand.”
“No, you do not understand, Hamilton. Fortunately for you, Miss Darrington understands it perfectly.”
“Miss Darrington? What exactly do you mean?”
“She did not leave you when you sent her away you know.”
“No, not immediately. I tried to trace her myself and, unfortunately, in the end, I was forced to question my driver.”